A Question for Dommes

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04-09-2004
drake7

A Question for Dommes

I have a young friend who is relatively inexperienced sexually.

She is nineteen years old and is not happy with her current relationship, the only partner she has had at this point. She does not find sex with him to be satisfying.

I suggested that perhaps it was his technique that was causing this lack of interest, he is nineteen and equally inexperienced, but she also said that most time she simply does not feel aroused at all. When I asked her about masturbation and her fantasies she then told me that the fantasies she has all have to do with her being in control and "throwing him around" as she put it.

I am not well enough acquainted with how females get in touch with their dominant side to give her what I feel is sound advice. I can tell her from a male perspective but I don't think they are the same. I had recommended she read some of the stories here on the site- I gave her the web address, but she has a dial-up isp and doesn't seem to think she will have much luck accessing the stories.

If any of you can give me some insight into how you first realized you liked being sexually dominant and also if, as she said, sex was not very fun before that revelation it would be greatly appreciated.

Drake.
04-09-2004
gina

Quote:

Originally Posted by drake7

but she has a dial-up isp and doesn't seem to think she will have much luck accessing the stories.

Drake.

i'm on dialup and can access the stories just fine. In fact, i dont have a problem accessing anything here... this is a nice site. :)
04-10-2004
Warrior

Quote:

Originally Posted by gina

i'm on dialup and can access the stories just fine. In fact, i dont have a problem accessing anything here

Same here. I have no problems with downloading stories.
04-10-2004
abitbent

Quote:

Originally Posted by drake7

I have a young friend who is relatively inexperienced sexually.

I suggested that perhaps it was his technique that was causing this lack of interest, he is nineteen and equally inexperienced, but she also said that most time she simply does not feel aroused at all. When I asked her about masturbation and her fantasies she then told me that the fantasies she has all have to do with her being in control and "throwing him around" as she put it.

Drake.

Drake.... I'm not a Domme... in fact i'm a submissive male, but I wonder if some of the feelings she's having is the same as mine, but on the other side of the fence.

I suspect, she's a hardwired kinkyperson, meaning she's known for a very very long time (often pre puberty) that sexually her likes are different from others around her. She's probably not interested in BDSM just for the "fun" but needs to live this lifestyle because it's her sexual orientation, not her preference or choice.

I describe myself as hardwired, and although it may be different for all kinds of people, I too fine no satisfaction in vanilla sex. Sure it feels good, but so does a footrub, and I'd probably rather have that. In/out, repeat isn't something that occupies my mind. If you can flavour sex with a bdsm tone, then that subtle change is what makes sex exciting for me. Still, my favourite activity is oral. I'd give oral over sex any day. The thrill that vanilla people get from thinking of regular sex, happens with me, if say a Domme told me to kneel and pleasure myself for her.

I've had vanilla people tell me that lack in desire for sex (in out repeat) is a phsychological problem, and I should seek help for it. The thing is, we don't define sex the same way vanilla folk do, our idea is different. Sex for your friend, may be having a boy on his knees in front of her, smacking him around a little, and griding to an amazing orgasm on his face, with her hands tightly clenched on either side of his head.

So you see, it may be a compatibility problem, and not a sexual problem, in which case it's not a problem at all... she just needs to be with the right sexual partner.

Good luck!

bent