I am a submissive man, untaught. I have a new girlfriend of about 6 months. can anybody make suggestions how I can find out if she could would be a dominant to my submissive nature. don't want to loser now I have founder though
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I am a submissive man, untaught. I have a new girlfriend of about 6 months. can anybody make suggestions how I can find out if she could would be a dominant to my submissive nature. don't want to loser now I have founder though
jump out in a gimpsuit and yell, "use me!!"
While DOMLORD's suggestion might lack just a little tact (LOL!!), i think a more subtle approach might be in order (sheeesh!). You say you are untaught, then here comes lesson number one. Communication. Absolutely. You need to talk to her, be open and honest about your true nature, otherwise, the whole relationship becomes a lie. If you can't be YOU, then why continue? Talk to her over a bottle of wine in a nice quiet setting, and trust your instincts....gimpsuit....jeeeeeeeeeeez...LOL!Quote:
Originally Posted by DOMLORD
Bring her to the site......have her read the stories......and see what she likes.......show her what you like......
just make sure you let her know that you are not going to make any value judgments on what turns her on.......and show her the ones that turn you on....
you can sorta joke around it without directly asking........"hey, sounds like fun.....want to give that a try???".....*wink*
Thanks for your replies so far please keep them coming as i amstill looking for the right way.
rather than words use actions, run her baths offer a massage take off her shoes when she comes home,little treats tell her to rest while you cook a meal,tell her how much you like to make her happy and hope she's proud of you.
most people if they have a Dominant side however mild will over time automatically respond accordingly to anyone with a submissive nature. gradually show her your sexual interests show her things on the net, i wouldnt introduce her to bdsm sites and the like for a while it might scare her off just accidently come upon a few mild bondage type pics and vids.
a good one is if you're going to a fancy dress party, suggest matching outfits such as latex/rubber skirts with cheap whips boots and the like for her and dogleashes leads cuffs etc for you..all in the name of fun ;)...then when you've had a few drinks go home make a joke of it and suggest fun in the bedroom with the accesories thats worked for me before using a little light persuasion.
but remember you cant make someone be something they're not you'll just have to follow your instincts.
good luck :)
i wont suggest a gimpsuit,i dont know what the hell one is lol
I think the same holds true whether you're a male or female sub- take it slow & try not to pressure him/her.
As for myself, I just told my wife straight out of my interests & made sure I said she didn't have to participate.
It all started gradually, & was introduced into our sex life- I won't tell you how long it took or you'll be discouraged! :32:
We all need to bear in mind though, that not everyone is into such pursuits & be prepared to accept that, or find someone else.
I'm for telling her straight out. Like everyone else has said, though, there's no need to tell her everything. You don't want to pressure her too much or scare her away before she's really had a chance to explore your interests and think about them. I think it works best if you start out with a few of the lightest activities you are interested in, and if she's game for that introduce more. If she says "oh, that's too much" be completely light hearted about it and assure her it's fine. Don't tell her like it's your deep dark secret. Tell her like it's something fun and interesting that you can explore together.
If you are lucky, she may have an undeveloped or secret dominate side, and you may have a wonderful D/s relationship.
If you have average luck, she may be willing to do some of the things you are intersted in, and you will have a satisfying sex life with your mostly vanilla partner.
If you are unlucky she will run for the hills, and then you don't want her anyway.
This is based on my vanilla dating experience, and the experience of a male sub I know who doesn't have a partner.
There is no right way or wrong way to approach the subject.
So far all of the advice is good. It is how you feel comfortable in approaching the subject.
Even if you suggest a bit of light bondage or spanking and see how she reacts to that.
You relationship is relatively new and just starting out. If you really want to pursue your submissive side then it is best to communicate your feelings with her, and get it out instead of continually waiting. It becomes harder to do the longer you wait.
Don't wait for the right moment or the right time. It doesn't really happen that way.
Thanks to all contributors. Icey i like your approach i think this is my favouriite approach to try. but i have a while to wait till she comes back from a work trip
sublimey
From personal experience, I have yet to meet a woman who is not into a little 'light bondage' and spanking. Silk scarves on the bed posts, blindfolds etc. So this may be a place to start. Unfortunately, it is also my personal experience that the majority of (vanilla) women seem to want to be the one tied and spanked so you may instead find out about her latent sub side :)
I'd go with the subconscious service things already mentioned. Do jobs for her without her asking you, give her massages and buy her treats. Work up to it slowly. During sex, try a little foot worship and make sure that her needs are met first. Tell her that you love it when she takes charge in the bedroom, let her take dominant positions and so on. Take it as far as you feel comfortable with and a little more each time but slowly...
Whatever happens, keep in mind that she can't just become dominant, before I discovered my dominant side it took alot of switching to find myself comfortable in the role that I desired. Tell her to do what she wants to make herself comfortable with you, remember she would be the one in control, not what turns you on if you truly want her to dominate you. Show her that you want to please her, try to think of way you could satisfy her.
My other suggestion is tell her what you desire subtly, accept it if she says no.
I was trying to do the same thing with my boyfriend, luckily for me it's working so far hehe
I just did little things though... try things like kneeling on the ground when she's stood up - it's a little thing, but it does make a weird difference :P
Remember how she likes everything, like how many sugars in her tea, or what her favourite meal it and make sure she's always taken care of by you; just act like you're her submissive already when it come to more everyday aspects of your relationship.
There's always little things like saying "Yes Miss" or something along those lines when she asks for something, but in a jokey way - she'll either tell you she thinks it's strange or like it, or just laugh along. Just saying things or doing things in a jokey setting is sometimes the best way, like Icey's idea of the costumes - because it can all seem like harmless fun to her, or she'll enjoy it, but it can all be done without the fear of freaking her out :)
Ok, so I'm a sick little bunny, but this really tickled me! *ROFL*Quote:
Originally Posted by DOMLORD
I'm not sure I'm in favour of the such direct communication as to asking/telling her straight out. I think while a lot of women do have a latent dominant side, many would initially baulk at the idea of actually dominating a man--it's just the way many of us have been brought up believing that the man should always be on top--so to speak. *ss* I think subtly is the key. I also think as you get to know her better, you'll pick up on little things that will give you a fair indication of whether or not she tends towards being dominant.
Anyway.. good luck! :)
All fabulous suggestions. I like the slow and steady idea. The bathwater, the consideration, the foot rubs... wait was that mentioned, or my imagination? lol
It does seem sometimes that frank directness can be a detriment to what we desire. My husband has absolutely no interest in "bdsm" or "people like that"... even though he is married to one, and he likes usage of toys... it turns him on when I take the lead and dominate a sexual encounter, but doesn't connect the action with the term. Does this make sense?
Is your need to be dominated or to serve? I think they are very different things.
PRO... You're so right. I've reacted to this type of thing forever, but have waited equally as long to open myself to accepting it. Now I'm embracing it like mad. :)
I am listening some good tips and advice!!!!
have really really awesom vanilla sex in the middle of the day... then when your still high of the whole shabang have the jokey "so come on... what's your dirty secret?" convo...
It's how I've told most of my past boyfriends about my sub fetish and it's always worked... and if she is freaked out by it... she'll be too light-headed after cumming to remember anyway :)
win win
Well, my boyfriend actually had the same dilemma a few months ago! He and I had been dating for awhile, but I had no idea how submissive he really was. My advice would be to first, talk to her. You can tell her that you really like being bossed around, or, whatever. The way my guy did it was to say "I love it when you're a bitch in bed".... and go slowly into it... have her read some erotic stories about the stuff, if you're open to it (but not REALLY scary ones)... especially femdom stories. Maybe buy her a pair of handcuffs or something? Whatever. Just as long as you go slowly you won't absolutely freak her out.