Prep Work, Etc.

Maybe it's my scientific nature or something, but I've been wondering what or how a person knows he or she is prepared enough to begin a submissive relationship. Personally, the unknown is exciting for me yet I wouldn't want to engage in any relationship without knowing a person is knowledgable. I think forums like this one really have taught me trust is paramount in a dom/sub relationship.

My question I guess is are there things I need to know (other than personal limits, etc.) before even entertaining the thought of a relationship?

I guess the next part would be dependant upon my Master, but does my body need to be physically in other health as far as strength/endurance than it currently is? (I run daily and participate in bike races/climbing expeditions so I have decent strength) What about mind?

I appreciate you all's response and welcome.

This is a really good question! I'll throw in my very limited opinion - I'm sure there are others more experienced than I who will have better advice.

Physically - it sounds like you're in great shape! Flexibility is a big plus, so you may want to begin daily stretching exercises to maximize that.

Mentally - this is the big one. Confidence is a big plus. Confidence that you're worthwhile, confidence that you are able to be pleasing, confidence that you have something to offer. Most Doms DO NOT want a whiny doormat.

Also, know that this is what you want. Really know. Understand that it's not all fantasy. Ropes fray, muscles get pulled, knots don't tie right, and generally, silly stuff happens. Can you go with the flow and laugh when that happens? Being able to understand that yes, this is serious, but yet not take yourself too seriously, is a wonderful quality for a submissive to have.

Finally, do you love you? If you don't, figure out why and either change it or accept it. If you don't love yourself, you'll sabotage your own efforts to submit. Not a good thing. And don't expect a Dom to "fix" you. They may be willing to help you change things about yourself, but they aren't there to prop you up all the time. In the words of the Wizard: "I don't want to be picking up the broken pieces of her psyche every time we play." Or something to that effect. :)

Just be happy and secure in yourself. If you aren't happy alone, you aren't ever going to be happy with anyone else, BDSM, vanillar or otherwise.

Relationships are relationships. No special preperations are necessary.

All right, so I gather the internal is more important than the external? I've been reading the forums rather extensively and I have a greater understanding that there are many different levels of relationships (online, real life, 24/7). I have a tendency to only see things as all or nothing. While this may be a good thing eventually, I believe because acting on my desire to be in some sort of submissive role is so new, I have to change my view to a more moderate level.
My next question is more of a curious nature...A sub who is "whiney"---what would cause this? I mean, I would anticipate a person who would want to become involved in a dom/sub realtionship would do so with maturity and certainity that he/she is doing what he/she wants. I understand that not every situation fits every person but I still wouldn't understnad the need to whine or complain. (Is this niavity on my part?)

As with anything new to you I believe it would be a good idea to start out slow whether it is picking a Master or the activities you do for him once he is found. Mental games are a big part of the fun you can have if your Master is into the that sort of thing so it isn't just physical strength that is important. You'll know how fast to let things progress is my guess. Good luck.

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Originally Posted by minihaha

Maybe it's my scientific nature or something, but I've been wondering what or how a person knows he or she is prepared enough to begin a submissive relationship. Personally, the unknown is exciting for me yet I wouldn't want to engage in any relationship without knowing a person is knowledgable. I think forums like this one really have taught me trust is paramount in a dom/sub relationship.

My question I guess is are there things I need to know (other than personal limits, etc.) before even entertaining the thought of a relationship?

I guess the next part would be dependant upon my Master, but does my body need to be physically in other health as far as strength/endurance than it currently is? (I run daily and participate in bike races/climbing expeditions so I have decent strength) What about mind?

I appreciate you all's response and welcome.

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I think you think to much.

All you need to make sure is that the person you're planning on submitting to isn't a newbie. Can be established by asking plenty of tricky questions. If he/she doesn't know, you have your answer.

Next thing is to tell the person that you're a beginner and you need to take it slow, since you don't know how you'll react emotionally. No reading or studying can tell you that before taking the plunge.

Don't even try to be the perfect slave who puts up with any punishment. A master wants feedback regarding what he's doing right and wrong. There's a world of difference between valuable feedback and whining. We all know the difference, and nobody likes a whiner.

That's my advice.

body mind and soul are all very important aspects to develope in any relationship, Tom speaks with wisdom, the only thing i could add is to remember to take things slow, savor and enjoy the moment, rushing often times leads to disapointment and doesnt allow the properr ammount of communication nessessary to a fufiling experience

oh also, remeber despite many misconceptions a good Master or Mistress doesnt take control over you, so much as you release control to them

you can only plan and be prepared so much, same as any type of r/ship.
you can read up on the practical side of things which interest you,which is imo is always a sensible thing to do,joining forums such as here and talking with others can be of help,
its not always a good idea to have too many ideologys and expectations to begin with that can often lead to disappointment, go in with an open mind, never say never its suprising how things develop and change over time.

and until you meet somebody and begin a r/ship there's nothing much you can plan and prepare for, as others have said take your time,be totally honest with any potential Master and be honest with yourself too, go slowly no-one will expect you to rush in or 'know' everything and just remember there's no wrong or right way only what works for you.

good luck, and have fun :)

A D/s relationship IMO is really not that different to any other. When you had your first kiss, I bet you didn't think too much about it....

The best way to be prepared is probably to make sure you & your partner care for & trust each other, that you have good communication, & take it nice & slow.

As W/B said, it's not all physical- far from it. As lily & jeanne said, it's important to be secure in yourself- again, that works in any relationship.

Just do it- how you feel is what's important, not the technical details. :wave:

As far as the other person being knowledgeable, I disagree. For one thing some of the lousiest Doms are quite knowledgeable re the technical side of things, but have no concept of caring or communication. Also, it's a whole lot of fun with someone who doesn't know a darn thing- trust me!

Well, if both you and your partner are inexperienced, it would be worth your while to have a mentor or advisor...

There are activities which can be dangerous if one doesn't realize the potential.

Bondage that includes the neck.
Bondage that impedes circulation.
Suspensions.
Breathplay/choking.

My sub and I are fairly new to the lifestyle as well, neither with much experience before we got together. What has worked for us is TALK, TALK, TALK. We talk before sessions, after sessions and during sessions. Simple "what would you like to try today or I'd like this" is a great help in breaking the ice. As the Dom in the relationship I feel it important to have my pet "cheek in" on occasion during play (one can do this in character...weg). After play review is where we find our way the best.
Any snags we run into are generally mental in nature and we have both had them...again talk. Communication is so important in our lifestyle.

Good Luck!

Thank you Icey - I think you hit on the very things that I have fretted over in deciding to venture into a submissive role. I liked the earlier post that stated (and I paraphrase, I'm sure) ...that I release control to Him rather than Him actually controlling me. It was the expectations, my fear of how to react properly that was freezing me up. Hearing you say (and others, too) that the relationship will grow slowly and we will respond naturally takes off the pressure of a "proper performance." Oh - and I've got to say, the experienced Dom sounds waaay better to me!