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Having been reading online stories of late I have realized that there are certain words that completely make or break a story for me.
For example- manhood *snerk* just kills me. I see that in the middle of a steamy sex scene and I just bust out giggling and can't get back into the story.
So, what words do you guys find totally squick you, or completely ruin the mood of a scene/story?
stupid redundancies like "labial lips" or "nether vulval lips" bug me.
I actually used the term 'manhood' in a story here precisely because it is so squickful. It was dialogue, though. I would never use it in narration.
I hate it when people use metaphors. If it's a sex scene, I don't want to be picturing swords or spears or flowers or any of that. I want to be picturing a penis and a vagina. You can get me to do that by calling it what it is. Penis or cock, vagina or pussy, depending on the tone of your story. Just call it the thing it is, please.
I got my frustration about that out in my submission for the story contest, which is more humor than sex. It's first person and the narrator is kind of a retard. She uses the most ridiculously flowery imagery for her vagina I could come up with.
Well, I agree that "he thrust his stamen into her rabbit hole" is a little flowery, but you can't just use 'penis' and 'vagina' again and again. I've used 'manhood' before, though I prefer to use 'cock' and 'dick'. Depends on the situation, I guess.
I think you can. I don't think it's as repetitive to the reader as it looks to you when you're writing it.
Like using 'he said'/'she said' over an over again. When you write it, it looks horribly repetitive. But it works and you start noticing that even the best writers in the world do it. Because readers just gloss over it, get a sense of it. 'she's the one saying this.' 'the dick is performing this next action.' I think it's one of those things that readers don't pay much attention to.
Know what I mean?
If a sentence contains the word 'penis', you're really looking for the verb.