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maybe when it comes down to it this lifestyle isnt right for me... im so confused about everything and im so tired of the arguing with my Dom.. maybe im not cut out for this... but i also dont think its just me. i think my Dom has some to do with me feeling this way too. what do i do?
Sir will be mad i posted this but im tired of feeling this way.
Is there possibly a mismatch of style and expectations that needs to be communicated?
i dont know what it is but i cant take it no more. the arguing is way too much,.. and its not just Him,. its me too. i know what he expects of me. and i try my damndest to do it. but maybe its best if we are no longer together. i dunno. im so confused...Quote:
Originally Posted by Ragoczy
You just may not be right for one another. Why not take a break and learn seperately? Learn what you like and do not like. What makes you feel good and bad. Personally, I feel like you have to really try to get intouch with yourself that way you can more freely share yourself with another. Don't be afraid to make this journey alone if that is what you need, it's okay to be alone, it's okay to need time.
Being a sub to a Dominant is not easy. It requires much time, effort, dedication... and frankly not everyone can do it 24/7.
Some are into BDSM for the kink. Some are in it for the lifestyle... just because you have submissive tendancies, doesn't mean you have to be a sub.
In my own opinion, for what it is worth, I think you need some time alone to learn your own self value. Learn what it is that draws you to BDSM. What you want in a Dom. What you think you need in a Dom. What you do not want in a Dom. Etc...
Why not try to make lists or things you like about yourself, dislike, wish to improve upon...
A list of things you want/need in a mate/Dom.
Things that turn you....
etc....
cole,
i know this is hard time for you, however i think it is a good thing to post what you did. I hope that you dont make a decison, because of one negative experience.
if i can be helpful to you in any way, please let me know. have been down the road you are on, and there is a wonderful Master waiting to come into your life or is already there, just waiting for the right moment
keep ya head up girl
Is this a "new" relationship? My Master and I are also having a "rough" time but after having a long discussion we have decided that this is our getting to know each other and learning together. I know how you feel because I had been feeling that way too, our talk really helped both of us!! Good Luck
if you feel you are not right for each other...then it is time for you to leave the relationship.
I think that where you go from here should depend a lot on what the arguments are about. If the two of you have fundemental differeces in what you expect out of your relationship; expectations that neither of you are willing to compromise on, then this isn't something that any amount of argument can resolve.
If on the other hand the arguments are more along the line of bickering, then perhaps you both need to take a deep breath, cool down, walk away, and agree to talk later.
Basically, you should be thinking about if there are any possible solutions, if there aren't even any reasonable compromises or solutions to the problem then there is no point in argueing, and perhaps it's time to part ways.
If there are solutions think about what they are, and try to talk about possible changes together in a non-argumentative fashion. The one thing that is relatively obvious to me after reading your e-mail is that something has to give.
Best of luck,
Silvie
In regards to your statement that the Lifestyle may not be right for you: maybe, maybe not. But if I recall correctly from previous posts this is your first D/s relationship? I wouldn't throw in the proverbial towel quite yet on BDSM, one relationship having troubles does not a pattern make.
As for the current relationship: perhaps it would be, however, a good idea to examine the D/s aspect of the relationship and see if it is something that is helping or harming it right now as I also know there are other things going on in your life that need attention. This may just be a case of having too much on your plate all at once at not being able to handle it all. Step back, pick one issue and work on it. Then tackle the next one. Don't try to take it on all at once. If through this process you find that your Sir is not the one for you, if there are issues neither of you will or can compromise on, then at least you will have rooted out those issues specifically instead of just scrapping everything about the relationship, BDSM included.
Best of luck.
Also realize, sometimes the fantasy doesn't nearly match reality.
You may just not have a submissive nature. You might just be kinky!!
There are many many people who are into hard/rough/edgy sex... who are neither dominant nor submissive.
So don't look for a dominant, look for a top.
In the meantime enjoy and revel in the fantasy, but don't beat yourself up for not enjoying the D/s aspects in real life. There are still the B&D and S&M aspects. There's just a lot more talking about D/s... as if that particular emotional context makes the sexual quirks more "palatable"
But it is definitely not for everyone. You might just need a nice "vanilla" relationship with kinky sex. I don't see that as being problematic.
And if you're not trying so hard... it still might happen when you least expect it.
Just don't get down on yourself.
thank you all for everytrhing...i know everything will work out in the end... Sir and i need to sit down and talk and see what can come of it.... and im not going to kick the D/s stuff cuz of one relationship.... i just need to figure myself out and yes i do have a lot on my plate so maybe youre right about me just needing to breathe and take it one thing at a time... thank you all