The early days

Hi, my wife of many years, after years of D/s in a roleplay/occasional manner have now decided to go 24/7...
We have over the years tried most things but obviously this kind of relationship is far more intense as its now become "real life"..
The thing that she struggles most with is the complete surrendering of control, and an understanding of the more "painful" aspects of the relationship..
I cannot fault her commitment to our decision as a few days ago i decided that she should have her first real flogging, i gave her something to hold that she should release when things got too intense, but she refused to let go of it and went further than i ever thought possible, in fact she was marked for days, and i love her all the more for that...

I am trying to instill in her that it will be difficult in the early days and that many subs have been through the same emotional turmoil that she is now experiencing..

Would some of the more experienced sub fems in this great forum be willing to post about their initial experiences of R/L 24/7 so that i can bring her here in a while and see what you have had to say ,with a view to her joining in the forum and maybe even experiencing the feelings of sisterhood that many of you obviously feel, might be an interesting experience for her to feel that she has some female support/someone to discuss things with, she would not be able to discuss this with her local friends, and i truly want her to accept this lifestyle, as i adore the woman for all that i am worth, but that makes me want this all the more

Much respect to all here and looking forward to your responses.............

Well, perhaps i have breached some forum rules somehow, or given a bad impression in the post? Thought given the spirit in the forum that this was not an unreasonable post, and i am suprised by the lack of response..If i have offended some rule of the forum please let me know so that i know for future reference, my intention here was to show my wife/sub other peoples experiences so that she could relate to her own, nothing more, oh well.......

it was not an unreasonable post. And I am sure some of the female subs will reply to your request. Keep in mind that these people still lead real lives and have other things that need to be taken care of before they get back to you.

Yes it has been a couple of days. But they may be bussy and have not had time to get back to you.

I am on this forum dayly and becouse I am on hiatis for the next 3 weeks hourly and only today did I notice it.

Give them time perhaps send one or more moderaters a PM

they will reply.

Good luck in your adventure and I look forward to reading what is said.

Thanks for the reply Mobius, much appreciated :)

As Mobius said, we all have lives outside of this website, even us moderators. ;)

As for living a 24/7 BDSM relationship, it's not an easy thing to do. We have tried to do it on more than one occasion, but when you have other, non-BDSM oriented things to do such as a full time job or children, it makes it really difficult and sometimes impossible.

All I can say is keep at it. Practice makes perfect, as they say. I am sure that, with time, it will get easier as you get into your own little groove of doing things.

Hi loonytunes,

To be honest, i think the reason i didn't reply to your post is because i wasn't entirely sure what your question actually was. i don't do and have never done full on 24/7, but nm.

Firstly, you say that you're wife is struggling with two elements of your new lifestyle, those being pain and control. In terms of the first one, pain is something that has differing levels of importance in Ds relationships, for different people (look at, for instance, the different ways Finding_Fantasy and Jones, Nikka talk about pain...this is just one example, but you take my point) and henceforth i guess this is something you need to work on graudually to figure out. In terms of control, well, she isn't the first submissive to struggle with relinquishing control and i doubt very much she'll be the last. i have always personally believed that this is because, as natural as being sub feels to a sub...it kinda, in some ways, works against other elements of human nature. It is however just a matter of accepting who one is and bringing the two together. i was talking to someone in chat the other night about this very subject and we both agreed it can be VERY confusing....personally, i became much happier about the sub thing when i realised/accepted that submissive was not akin to stupid, unintelligent, weak or not having a view or an opinion on anything. That's the mental/emotional, in pratical terms, i really believe it is just habit and getting used to new things...something that Katmandu said a few weeks ago, which i very much liked, springs to mind...it was something like "Have a go, kneel at your Master's feet, feel silly, but do it anyway" (sorry if i am misquoting you Kats!). Other than that, i think it might be an idea to set a few boundaries in terms of ettiquette and what you expect - even 24/7 isn't a blanket term.

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Originally Posted by loonytunes

I cannot fault her commitment to our decision as a few days ago i decided that she should have her first real flogging, i gave her something to hold that she should release when things got too intense, but she refused to let go of it and went further than i ever thought possible, in fact she was marked for days, and i love her all the more for that

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If you can't fault her commitment, then things are surely going pretty well. Presumably you know of her concerns because she's disclosed them to you as opposed to something you've picked up on during a scene or something?? When you say 'she refused to let go...it sounds a bit more like a battle of wills than a sub expanding her limits...but i'm probably reading that wrong and she's probably using the these specifics to try to alleviate the slightly difficulties she's having.

In terms of you wishing her to have female support and meet a few people, the best way to do that is by jer joining up and joining in! :D Not only would this enable her to meet a few people, but also she could then make her own posts (with your permission of course, if applicable) and people might be able to help more.

Look forward to meeting her and welcome to the forums! :)

sl

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Originally Posted by loonytunes

...Would some of the more experienced sub fems in this great forum be willing to post about their initial experiences of R/L 24/7 so that i can bring her here in a while and see what you have had to say ,with a view to her joining in the forum and maybe even experiencing the feelings of sisterhood that many of you obviously feel, might be an interesting experience for her to feel that she has some female support/someone to discuss things with, she would not be able to discuss this with her local friends, and i truly want her to accept this lifestyle, as i adore the woman for all that i am worth, but that makes me want this all the more...

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First of all, loonytunes, I believe the best idea would be for your wife to join the forums and for both of you to explore our discussions and learn that there is no such thing as an ideal or standard 24/7 rtelationship.

I can not recall my first 24/7 experience with my boyfriend because we never decided to "go 24/7". To this day I still do not even consider myself to be a "true" bdsm lifestyler (whatever that means). Yet I have learned that the type of play my boyfriend and I engage in is way more intense than the average in this forum. To give you an idea of how everyone has different:

Officially we are occasional players, but in fact I am available to him 24/7.
I submit to a flogging at the very least once a week, but neither he nor we decided it must be so.
Other than a three-level safeword system, we do not follow any rituals or protocols during scenes (at least not consistently).
During "play" I have given the right to speak to him but he has never demanded that I do not.
As much as I have been broken, used, humilliated and degraded, he would never come close to making me believe that I am not his equal.
I am a true painslut so when he needs to punish me he DOES NOT beat me.
My boyfriend does not even call me slave, he calls me Lady Nikka.

You two are going to create your ideal 24/7 relationship based on what you need, want and are able to give. And if you and her are open minded and trust each other, you are going to spend the next few years learning to become whatever you are to become and being extremely happy doing so.

Welcome to the forums!

Nikka

I think my friends here have given you great advice loony. There have been other threads that addressed the 24/7 lifestyle. Not to speak for the rest of the gang, but personally I think the limited response may be due to a lack of experience with it. I think we all fantasize about 24/7, but in reality it's not very practical and I doubt that there are many here who can offer opinion based on their own experience. I think you have your work cut out for you finding true 100% lifestylers.

Nevertheless, I for one would love to keep hearing about the progression of your relationship. I particularly liked the part where you gave her something to hold until the flogging got to be too much. I said in a thread a long time ago...I love hurting her, but only as much as she loves being hurt. I expect a lot of Doms in this type of relationship don't go as far as their partner would like for fear of hurting her past the limit. For my part, in the past 1 1/2 years everytime I have pushed further she has loved it...and told me so afterward. I may have to try your idea this weekend. Perhaps have her hold her new giant dildoe until she can't take the whip anymore...with the understanding that once she drops it, she gets it!

Definately gave me something to think about!

Well I certainly don't have any experience in 24/7, but I believe all subs go through struggles, and not just in the beginning. I think it is all a part of the learning process and continued growth.

I would make a suggestion: Remember this is all about you and your partner. There is no text book to say how exactly you must live your BDSM lives. There are all sorts of gray areas here.

Create the lifestyle that works for the two of you, and by all means take baby steps in some areas if necessary. I mean what is the hurry anyway? If you work hard together and communicate well, you will find your balance.

Oh yeah, and don't forget, there will be some things that just won't work for the two of you! It is not a failure, simply not meant to be. Move on, and discover other things that really send those sparks flying!

And I can't wait to meet her. I adore real people sharing and learning together!

Master's tehya

Hi folks and thanks for your replies, yes the 24/7 thing can sometimes prove to be very difficult and i can well understand that it may not be for some. Because we have a 13 year old daughter it would be sometimes difficult to
keep the dynamic going so i gave her a couple of simple rules to stick to day to day so that she demonstrates and is aware of "her role" in this relationship even when people are around, or heavier play is out of the question, and simple things like presenting herself to me before bed, and many nights she wears a chain collar around her neck that is fixed to the bed,(its done in a way thats very safe) this keeps the 24/7 feeling going, but in reality the bdsm side of things works out very much along the lines of jones,nikkas its just not possible or even desirable to be heavy scening every night, after all we both have work to get up for etc..And i think too much would be too soon, if you get my meaning, at this stage anyway....MrJerseyGuy, that thing with her having something to drop seemed like a good idea at the time, in the past i have been very wary of going too far with the beatings and always backed off very quickly, but in this case i thought i would find out just how far she could go by putting her in control of when it stops, she would never think of herself as a painslut, but you could have fooled me that night, and in fact it was me that had to back off in the end as she went as far as i would possibly want to take it at this stage...Anyway thanks for all your support, i will have to see if i can get her in here to say howdy!!! :)

I have had 24/7 experience. I used to live with my Master as his slave. I no longer live with him, due to both business and personal reasons. Neither of which have to do with our relationship. We are both very much Master and slave. We were not married, so I will not be able to offer any advice on that, but we were together and there was no "time outs" when I was with him 24/7. I am not sure I will be able to answer your questions but you are definately free to email me or message me and ask them.

loonytoons....

my husband/Master have also recently decided to go 24/7. It has been difficult for us as well, but we seem to be making it work for us. i would love to hear how things are going for you and share ideas. We also have a teenage daughter as well as two other children. It does make it hard, but i believe it is doable. :)

Hi spirit, yes indeed it seems it can be done, we have had lots of talking over the last few weeks, lots of difficult moments too, but she has come through everytime, around kids there are a lot of things that in this relationship i would like to be able to do but cant, i cant keep her naked or in cuffs as i would like, but we have workarounds, she dosnt sit on the sofa when we watch tv (rarely do anyway) but on a pile of cushions, our daughter just thinks mum likes to sit where she can have her hair played with, if only she knew :) My sub sleeps chained most nights but we have a lock on our bedroom door, we both get up for work at the same time so i let her go and the doors unlocked and its business as usual...so it can be done even with kiddies around as im sure you are finding or will find
Congratulations on your choice, its working for us so far and i hope it does for you too

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Originally Posted by loonytunes

My sub sleeps chained most nights but we have a lock on our bedroom door, we both get up for work at the same time so i let her go and the doors unlocked and its business as usual...so it can be done even with kiddies around as im sure you are finding or will find

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Just to show how much you can do with kids around:

When my ex-slave Taffi first moved in, my 6yo was going through a bad patch where he could only sleep in my bed. Taffi slept in a blanket on the floor and told him it was because she had a bad back.

After a few weeks, once I'd seen how things fitted in with the kid's sleep habits, I started putting a collar and chain on Taffi (with a breakaway fastening that she could rip loose in an emergency) once the kid was asleep, and taking it off and tucking it under the bed before he stirred in the morning. She was chained up every night for months and he never knew.