Printable View
Hello There,
Any Doms out there think pain and restraints aren't necessary for a wonderful dom/sub relationship? Would it turn you on to have your sub obey simply out of 'love' when you ask her to do something? My fantasies ( and small experience ) 'run' that way... in a way.. isn't she more submissive when you don't have to physically 'make' her do something - when she will do whatever you say just by asking? Want to know what you think...ty.
I guess different subs experience submission in a different way.
While some want to be physically dominated and get turned on by a forceful hand and a spanking, others may want to be blackmailed in obeying to do (humiliating) things for their Dom(me), and yet others are arroused just by the thought and act of pleasuring their Dominant and don't need a physical approach at all.
So pain and restraints are definitely not necessary, whatever works for you. I think it is the same for Dom(me)s, some like to take a physical approach, while others enjoy an obedient submissive.
I think eventually the sensation comes mostly from the mind. Some people need more physical acts to stimulate their mind, while others can get off easily by just fantasizing or watching. It's the same for subs and Dom(me)s.
The answer is::, yes of course you dont need coersion or force nessesarally, it all depends on the desires of the individuals involved sis.
I would have to say 90% of the things i do for my owner are not driven out of fear or threat of pain or being forced, but love,,,, the other 10% of the time if i resist or bring down disipline upon me its becuase he wants me too or i am testing his resolve and asked for it.
Each to there own,
Yes, its possible. My husband and I from the begging had solely D/s dynamic and even after He explained concept of BDSM to me - what due to intent (He said I should first learn to submit of my own free will), what due to r/l circumstances - it took about a year for us to progress to full "whips and chains" thing, (though He did use some bondage and clamps before that, there were no spankings or heavier physical stuff. It was more mind games like having me strip whenever He wanted, obeying Him and being focused on His pleasure).
I wouldn't say I submitted out of "love", I did it out of that inexplicable reason where I couldn't deny Him and simply walk away - He dominated me by sheer force of His personality. With His eyes (you would be surprised how powerful that raised eyebrow can be, lol), His words, His touch...so I guess I don't know even if my answer counts, because its not like He wasn't doing anything.
I suppose such relationship where sub does all the work out of servitude and "Dom" doesn't due anything is possible, but I don't imagine it being very satisfying to a sub. We do require some kind of response. And while each of us has their own limits and pain thresholds, we all require some level of it, even if its only "good girl" spanking.
Personally for me there is no going back, I even "love"/need things I have a love/hate relationship with.
On the other hand you shouldn't have to "beat" her to do the simplest thing, even today the look of disappointment in His eyes (and the desire to please Him) is the most powerful thing that ensures my submission.
edit ---ups, missed the fact that you are a girl, modify answer accordingly, lol.
Of course a sub can! I obey Master and submit to Him because I love Him. He is my Master, my husband, my best friend, my lover, my confidant, my protector, the love of my life....Master doesn't have to "make" me or "force" me to do anything for me to obey Him and submit to Him. The restraints and floggers are just icing on the cake.
Throw my "yes" into the pile.
Ropes, cuffs, and various other forms of restraint are a physical manifestation of the reasons we submit; NOT the reasons we submit.
Submission comes in so many ways it is indeed a very personal thing. Personally I love “given submission” I find it connecting. With that said I like play that involves bondage, spanking, name calling the usual run of things. But to me those activities constitute role play and really have little to do with submission they are separate. Not being a pain slut does not make you less of a submissive, simply wearing a collar can be a wonderful representation of your submission and have nothing to do with being tied and spanked.
Bottom line is this, it’s your live and your lifestyle…you get to define it. Go for it, embrace it and learn from each other.
Yes of course! We prefer it that way, actually.
I once asked hubby why we did so little bondage. He asked if I missed it. I said no, but everyone else seems to be sooooo much into it.
He said he preferred to control me with his mind... and as it happens, it is what I like better, as well.
Things do not only get done out of fear or by force. On the contrary.
There is nothing wrong with you, I assure you!
What counts is: Am I happy, and is my partner happy?
There is no "only right way to do BDSM"... I even think the facettes and options are as numerous as are the people in the lifestyle.
Someone else once said "BDSM is not about toys... it´s about power exchange", and I agree with this very much.
I learned very quickly that a true submissive is a rare and special gift that learns how to please her master by blending her love for him with her craving for domination. My wife/slave taught me that she was both eager to please me by her submission and yet at times moved out of line to get the discipline and pain she craved.
Her begging and whimpering for mercy was such a turn on and she never hesitated to please me. A subs motives might be cleverly hidden but they are quite real.