Pet outside in the rain...

Hello everyone. I am posting this for my wonderfully giving, patient and generous Master, Un-Touched. But should it strike a chord with any new subs dealing with their first experience of shame, then I am glad.

As I said, I am new to this, new to him. Yet I have felt a lifetime of need, joy, pleasure and longing in these short days as his. Though I have not known him long, my Master has consumed me like a flame, burning white-hot on the inside, almost scorching me to the marrow. His beautiful words intoxicate me. His approval is like a drug, stronger than any need I’ve known. My body trembles and shakes with withdrawals if I do not see his words, hear his endearments.

And now, for the first time, I feel shame.

A bubble of unease grows inside me to know that I have displeased him and it grows each second that ticks by that I do not hear his forgiveness. I'm outside in the rain, watching and yearning to be let back in. I can’t think, I can’t eat and yet I’m physically unaffected by either because all I am capable of processing is this clawing need to speak to him, to hear his praise, his endearments, his desire. Each one he gives is more potent than the last and I wonder if I will be able to stand this intense and constant ache he’s wedged deep inside me. Be able to ever recover from the shame of disappointing him.

As his anger hovers over me like a dark cloud, I find myself literally trembling with this submissive fear that I will fail to please him…ever again. And the thought terrifies me. Not with fright, but with a terrible sadness. I don't want to lose him. I walk around all day with this secret smile on my face, this tiny zing of pleasure warming my belly to know that he owns me. The thought of never feeling that again is like being told I’ll never again see or feel the sun.

I hope he knows that I will submit, do any and everything he asks of me. I hope he knows that I am on my knees before him, pleading for his forgiveness, his mercy and understanding. While a small part of my brain, my logical side tells me it's wrong to feel such intense worry, such an intense need to please. It feels so right. He feels so right. Submitting to him feels so right. So, I bow my head. For him. Only for him. And wait on bated breath for whatever judgment he sees worthy to give.

His Pet~

My Pet,

The clouds have parted, the sun is high and your Master stands at the open door beckoning you inside. I was disappointed in you this morning my Pet, yet with this post that has been washed away as if it never occurred. I shall sleep soundly knowing that a lesson has been learned and remorse has been felt. I look forward to tomorrow and all that it promises. For today is already a distant memory, gone and forgotten.

Master