The mind of a sadist

I'm posting this here, because it's a question for you Dominates out there.

First of all, I'd like to explain, I'm a psych major. So the psychological aspects of the BDSM lifestyle is intriguing to me.

It's fairly easy to find information pertaining submissives, and pain sluts. I myself am both, so not only have I found plenty of information on the submissive side, I understand it because I am one.

My question is basically this... I want to understand the mind of a sadist. I enjoy the pain, but, I would love to understand the thoughts and feelings of a Dom sadist. What about inflicting pain on your sub/slave do you enjoy?

I've asked my Master this question, and He and I have discussed it many times. I would still like to hear what others think and feel.

Thank you in advance to any who choose to respond.

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Originally Posted by SubmissiveDoll

My question is basically this... I want to understand the mind of a sadist. I enjoy the pain, but, I would love to understand the thoughts and feelings of a Dom sadist. What about inflicting pain on your sub/slave do you enjoy?

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Hiya Submissive Doll,
I have to say it is a very good question, something that I have considered myself as well. I consider myself a bit of a sadist in a sense that I do enjoy inflicting pain, and I am still wondering why I enjoy it so much :rolleyes:.

I think everyone is raised with a sense of respecting others and a "don't do to others what you won't want to happen to yourself" :dont: To then willfully inflict pain to someone else, seems very wrong, as I would not be able to handle the things I do to my pet if people would do that to me (certainly not just take it, I would definitely hit back :D)

What I realised is that I love the response to certain actions. I love to see peoples reactions. And I love the fact that there are submissives willing to take it all. When I see my pet giving himself completely to me, by taking the pain, it excites me, make me respect him even more and make me feel closer to him. It is an intimicy that I have not found in a vanilla relationship.

So there you go, just my thoughts about this. I hope it makes some kind of sense.

:wave:

Well, I'm not a sadist per se. I get no real pleasure from merely inflicting pain. Topping does little for me.

Add in a submissive, one who gives of herself to me, and I get all up and into the role of paingiver. It may be that it in response to seeing the sacrifices she is willing to make.

It is her desire to please me that rocks my psyche.

And D/s isn't necessarily just about pain. Control v. being controlled is a huge component. My "fetish" is making women cum. I know what you might think... 'oh yeah, that's a sacrifice on her part' but when she allows me to choose how and when and how often and whenever... when she gives me her body as a playtoy... and responds like no vanilla woman I've ever met can respond, when she cums when she thinks there is nothing left within her, when she gasps in surprise as I manipulate her mind and body, when she thanks me profusely... that's why I'm in the lifestyle.

Xandra,

I love your response, and I thank you for it. lol I find it wonderful that you admit you couldn't take what you give to your pet without hitting back. My Master says the same thing. I enjoy being bound, and he would probably kill someone if they tried to bind him. But, we all have our likes and dislikes. I enjoy pain, he enjoys inflicting it.

You mentioned a deepening respect for your pet, and that you enjoyed his reactions. I love it when my Master tells me I whimper pretty. Along with that feeling of respect, is there a feeling of pride, in yourself or your pet? Do you feel your attention is more on what you are doing, or the reactions you get from your pet?

Sorry to be so inquisitive but this is a topic I've search for answers on for years.

The best I can usually find is topics on sexual sadism, which is far from helpful. They never get into the feelings or thoughts of the individual, only treatment options and how to fix it. lol I personally don't want it fixed. I'm quite happy with my Master the way he is.

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Originally Posted by Ozme52

And D/s isn't necessarily just about pain. Control v. being controlled is a huge component. My "fetish" is making women cum. I know what you might think... 'oh yeah, that's a sacrifice on her part' but when she allows me to choose how and when and how often and whenever... when she gives me her body as a playtoy... and responds like no vanilla woman I've ever met can respond, when she cums when she thinks there is nothing left within her, when she gasps in surprise as I manipulate her mind and body, when she thanks me profusely... that's why I'm in the lifestyle.

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Actually I know the sacrifice on her part. I don't cum without permission, and generally only when he wants me to. It may be 10 times a day, or not for weeks. It's physically and emotionally straining. But, at the same time exciting and comforting to have someone with such control over my mind and body. Being a playtoy for my Master is one of my greatest joys. It brings me a peace that no other lifestyle or relationship could compare to.

I've definitely got a sadistic streak, and I can safely say I've thought about it a fair bit without coming to any definite conclusions. It is worth mentioning that I have a masochistic side as well (though I don't like to be dominated, per se, I sometimes have my sub "top" according to my directions), and so some of my interest in inflicting pain is, I think, the result of my own personal enjoyment at receiving it. But I hardly think that accounts for the whole mentality.

Since you're a psych major, you are certainly familiar with Freud (whether you have read his actual works or not; unfortunately many psych programs skip source material for interpretation), and while he has certainly developed a reputation far beyond the scope of his works, I think his understanding of the subconscious is vital to any understanding of sadism. For me, I can clearly recognize that my own sadistic tendencies were not, for a long time, conscious. Whatever their original cause - whether it be experiential or genetic or something else, I'm not sure - it wasn't until a certain point that I accepted that they were there at all. Many psychologists consider things like masochism and sadism to be clinical pathologies, but I couldn't disagree more, if only because the conscious recognition of a pathology - and the acceptance of it - is meant to be one of the chief means of overcoming that pathology. For me, however, I openly embrace my sadistic and masochistic tendencies, and I am highly aroused, at times, by inflicting pain on my submissive. Far from "curing me," my conscious recognition of my sadism has refined it in particular ways (I'm partial to nipple torture), and has allowed me to interact with my darker desires in a more healthy way.

I think that's kind of the key. I would guess that a lot of people who are cruel and demeaning in day-to-day life are actually repressing their own sadistic (or at least dominant) tendencies. In person I'm about as easy-going as they come, and I would never dream of hurting anyone, but before I recognized my sexual sadism, I would sometimes tend to fly off the handle and lash out at people when frustrated, or, worse, I would be terribly passive-aggressive, undercutting the self-esteem of others and trying to hurt them (an obvious outlet for sadism). The same energy that makes me sexually sadistic was, by being repressed, working to make me cruel and subversive with others, which in turn only fueled my sadism. Again, I have no idea why that part of my subconscious comes from, but it is certainly better for me to acknowledge it is there.

As for what makes me tick, when it comes down to it, I suspect it's a little bit sadism, a little bit projection, but mostly its two other things: my sub's reactions, and control. There is perhaps no more immediate way to get a reaction out of someone than physical pain. Many of us, at even the slightest prick, will yell "ow" even though the thing that pricked us didn't actually hurt or draw blood or anything. Combine the immediacy of pain-reactions with the mere fact of control - that is, the fact that a submissive is willing to undergo pain simply because you wish her to - and you have an intense combination. When inflicting pain, you can see and hear submission in an unadulterated way, because, while someone may serve you, may strip for you, may have sex with you, and may do any other number of things, only someone who has submitted to you (whether for an hour or for a lifetime) will willingly allow herself to by hurt by you (unless, of course, that person is a pain-slut, but many masochists do not usually inflict pain upon themselves). So, in that sense, I think what really makes me sadistic is the proof of submission that it offers.

Also, on a related note, it is for this reason that I am in awe of (and terribly attracted to) submissives.

Hmmm...am I a sadist? I don't know- pathologically, surely that would include as a sadist anyone who doesn't care about the consent or damage done to their victims, and that isn't me. Do I enjoy inflicting pain on willing victims, who give themselves to me freely? Yes.

To me I think it's cathartic. I realise that I have this dark side in me; strongly established desires to inflict pain. In a BDSM context, I have the ability to channel that pain into another person who is willing and hopefully eager to accept it, and hopefully gain pleasure and satisfaction from it. I don't know why I have this dark side to me- I could rattle off a whole list of things about the bullying and social isolation I went through as a child, and no doubt they're a part of it. But honestly, I think some people are just wired this way, perhaps in a reversal of the neurological pathways that lead to masochism.

But being a sadist as a dom gives me the chance to give these demons enough exercise to keep them happy without giving them free reign over my life.