is it Ok or Not ok?

Hi! I'm new to this site, and new into the community.


I kinda have a question for all experienced people.

I am a submissive.

I have a lot of vanilla friends. I was speaking with one of them and out of no where she started to argue with me that the relationship that me and my boyfriend (of three years going of four) is bad for me. That I shouldn't let him take control of my life, that I should have rules and boundaries, that I'm unstable for letting my boyfriend become my Master.

So here lies my question, I feel deep down in me that what I'm doing is ok, because I enjoy it. It gives me pleasure and a sense of contentment, but is it also wrong?

:rose::rose::rose::rose::rose:
Hi little one. First a very warm welcome to the forum and to this world too. I'm sure that you'll like it here, as we're a bunch of crazy but very friendly people.
Well of course BdSm isn't wrong. But you'll always face prejudice and know-all poses from others. Mostly due to ignorance, but some times due to jealousy too, as the simply envy you for living out your dreams.
Yes you might loose some vanilla friends and yes you'll meet many prejudices. I think that all here have that.
I can mention a very amusing example from my own little world! Many years agao I was chairman for a motorcycle club- very unprejudiced peopleI In the board was a very sweet girl, who always gave hugs when we met (not only to me but to all board members) During a board meeting, they found out that I'm a Dom and after the meeting, the girl hugged the others and just shook my hand.
So even though you might loose some vanilla friends- who surely wasn't your real friends anyhow- your real friends will stay and you'll find other friends inside this world.

:rose::rose::rose::rose::rose:

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Originally Posted by HelenaKitten

Hi! I'm new to this site, and new into the community.


I kinda have a question for all experienced people.

I am a submissive.

I have a lot of vanilla friends. I was speaking with one of them and out of no where she started to argue with me that the relationship that me and my boyfriend (of three years going of four) is bad for me. That I shouldn't let him take control of my life, that I should have rules and boundaries, that I'm unstable for letting my boyfriend become my Master.

So here lies my question, I feel deep down in me that what I'm doing is ok, because I enjoy it. It gives me pleasure and a sense of contentment, but is it also wrong?

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Hi! Well, it is fairly normal for friends (especially female friends) or family of the female submissive/slave to be concerned about the potential for abuse. They might fear you getting hurt, killed, or taken advantage of. I agree that it is surprising for her to say essentially "he's no good", when you've already been together for so long, however a good relationship can go bad at any time and that is how she is perceiving this.

Your desires are not "wrong", "weird" or even all that uncommon. The truth is, from what I have observed, most people have some fantasies within the bdsm realm. Whether or not they act on them, is another story. The bottom line is, are you being true to yourself? Is this what you and you alone want for yourself?-- Not him, not your friend or anyone else. Oak is correct- you may lose some vanilla friends, and even family members over this. It's imperative that you are being true to yourself, regardless of what that truth is.

Regarding your friend, IF she were talking to a person in a vanilla relationship, where one party was suddenly very controlling, her advice would be on the mark... if not a little too tame of a reaction. What you need to do is try to educate her about bdsm, and the 24/7 lifestyle in particular. If she knows little or nothing about it, or "knows what she's seen on tv", she is viewing this as you setting yourself up to be abused. Hopefully, with some real knowlege she won't be so apt to over-react. Best of luck-- Jenn

I'm sure your friend is worried about you.

Depending on how your partner treats you in public she may have cause to worry...try to keep some of your more personal aspects just that, personal. Sometimes people can't support others even when they want the support.

It's only wrong if you are scared or second guessing yourself or your partner. imho.

Thank you so much! I think she's just jealous. Mostly because my Master treats me like an equal (but hyper child) in public (unless I'm wearing one of the three collars I have). I had ,had sexual relations with said friend once (I was really messed up on sugar will explain more in detail about that in blog) and then when my Master and I were able to see each other openly he and I have had been in sexual relations (which is quite fun and rewarding for both of us).

I've been with my Master since I was 16, and I've expressed to him that this is WHAT I WANT, and he's no problems with it. But when he met my said vanilla friend she told me that she liked him, and that we was a great man for me, until i told her about the lifestyle I chose. I spoke to my Master about this and he said from the way she is acting and behaving that she may care for me as more than a friend. (this is where I'm the most childish about adult aspects of life) and upon further reviewing our notes about said friend and turns out she's crushing on me.

So now that I think about it, I think she wants to be my Domme. As she's expressed her own slight like into our world.