crossing the line mark 2

Please take this thread light heartedly. No names, no pack drill.......

There you are pootering along in your little vanilla world, doing the things that other 'normal' people do, and one night you try a bit of spanking and wham, you're a kinkster! :icon176:

Not a fully-fledged member maybe, but you've now earned a pass through the portal. Once seen, are you claimed, marked, 'collared' by the kinky underworld? Do you belong, like it or not? Can you ever go back, forget it, pretend you know nothing? Has your innocence been destroyed? Have you 'crossed the line'? :32:

And wandering around this Hellish Wonderland, are you ever mystified, revolted or shocked by what 'your' people are doing to each other?
"My God, it was only a bit of spanking. I'm not like that!" :eek:

How do we suddenly develop blanket toleration for all perverted practices when in the 'real' world we're as prejudiced and judgemental as come out? :dont:

Would anyone care to confess to a time you winced and thought, 'Bloody hell, how weird can people get?" before you remembered a split second later that you're one of 'them' too? :bondage:

We all have our own levels of kinkiness. Anything up to our personal threshold is "normal"; anything beyond is weird or extreme.

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Originally Posted by Pearlgem

Would anyone care to confess to a time you winced and thought, 'Bloody hell, how weird can people get?" before you remembered a split second later that you're one of 'them' too? :bondage:

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Yes, happens quite often. Usually i'm just glad it's them and not me doing it (or in my case having to do it)
But then again, i guess if i'd do that weird stuff i would also like it. :)

There's very little that people do to each other physically that makes me feel that way. There are mind games that make me sort of sad to read about - but I don't think I'm judgmental about it.

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Originally Posted by Pearlgem

Would anyone care to confess to a time you winced and thought, 'Bloody hell, how weird can people get?" before you remembered a split second later that you're one of 'them' too?

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LOL Yes, I will confess that over the years I have seen some things I wish I could scrape back out of my head! But, I do my best not to judge.

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Originally Posted by TwistedTails

LOL Yes, I will confess that over the years I have seen some things I wish I could scrape back out of my head! But, I do my best not to judge.

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There are some things you just can't unsee. *cries a little* Yeah, I do it though, every now and then, then 10 seconds later, I feel dumb.

surprisingly, it's amazing what happens when someone just reads a little bit of porn, and wonders, what would happen if i tried that, man it's been one hell of a coaster ride!!!!!!!!

I wince all the time. Then after some thought on it wonder what the appeal is, and think some more, then start coming up with reasons why it might be fun. Sometimes I decide I might be willing to try it. Other times I can't come up with any reason why it would seem fun and move on.

I've always been a kinky fritter, ever since I can remember.
I have probably been more judgemental of myself than anyone else.
What bothers me the most are the non-sexual things I do in a D/s context.

Am I judgemental? More than likely, but I'd at least like to think I have an open mind to everything and everyone.
Most times when I think what someone else does is bizarre, it's because it's not my thing, I don't understand it, or I haven't tried it yet.

yeh, i'm with Cadence on this one, it sums up exactly what i would have said.

ok, so the only time that i can remember thinking that is shortly after i first logged onto this site. I was browsing the forums and i came across a post by Sir_Russell that was a limit checklist for Doms/subs before they play together. As i read down the list i didn't even know what some of the stuff was..i had to look it up...and i thought holy shit! People actually do that?? Then i realized that there are so many people in my vanilla life that would think the same thing about me. After that i have been completely non-judgemental about everything else i have learned. I may not want to do it all but hey, it may really turn someone else on!

So, I was reading Cosmo magazine at the dentist's office today and texting my Master the "sex tips" it was giving >_> I love the vanilla idea of kinky. It was like, "go buy velcro bed straps frmo a sex store and experiment tying each other up!" or "hold an egg vibe over your clit and let him have the control! ;)" orrr "give him oral and invite him to finish on your breasts," and my favorite "come to bed wearing only sky-high heels. your footwear will give your tryst a real S and M vibe"

>_>

That article made me feel very creative xD

I suppose the first rule when you enter the world of kink is 'don't judge', but I still find it odd indeed to be a practicing member of 'the lifestyle' and to hear vanilla colleagues comment or make jokes about some BDSM gossip that's crept into the news. I never say anything but I think to myself with wonder, 'I totally understand it. I'm on the side of Max Mosley!' And then I think, 'My God, what would they say about me if they knew what I get up to?' as they mock away, getting off on the hot sex but completely failing to understand the dynamics.

I am always very amused to read non BDSM psychological views on the subject, especially the ones that imply there's a terrible problem with us. They just don't get it!

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Originally Posted by kellypet

So, I was reading Cosmo magazine at the dentist's office today and texting my Master the "sex tips" it was giving >_> I love the vanilla idea of kinky. It was like, "go buy velcro bed straps frmo a sex store and experiment tying each other up!" or "hold an egg vibe over your clit and let him have the control! ;)" orrr "give him oral and invite him to finish on your breasts," and my favorite "come to bed wearing only sky-high heels. your footwear will give your tryst a real S and M vibe.

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Totally with you, Kelly. Vanilla idea of kink in the magazines is a real hoot.

Personally I don't care what people do to each other but violence or neglect of animals sickens me.

I'll confess to wincing!

Not sure if this anecdote counts, but I had the misfortune of stumbling across an interview with a man who had a "split cock". Between the pictures and the text explaining how and why, I was pretty well terrified. I mean, I find the idea of 2 cocks fairly exciting... but that just was too extreme for my poor weak brain. To be completely honest, I still don't understand the why... or the how (not the literal how, but the omg how?) But then, i've always had a weak stomach when it comes to knives and needles and blood...

After that though, not much of anything seems to extreme for comprehension anymore... haha.

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Originally Posted by sillypony

I'll confess to wincing!

Not sure if this anecdote counts, but I had the misfortune of stumbling across an interview with a man who had a "split cock". Between the pictures and the text explaining how and why, I was pretty well terrified. I mean, I find the idea of 2 cocks fairly exciting... but that just was too extreme for my poor weak brain. To be completely honest, I still don't understand the why... or the how (not the literal how, but the omg how?) But then, i've always had a weak stomach when it comes to knives and needles and blood...

After that though, not much of anything seems to extreme for comprehension anymore... haha.

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Sorry to pick the scab and stir up the poison, sp, but what do you mean, a 'split cock'?? Deliberate surgery, I take it; not some Bobbit attempt that left it dangling? And what does one do with a 'split cock' anyway?

(Isn't it amazing the topics one discusses here? Little did I imagine only a few years ago that I would be politely requesting to be enlightened on such a subject, on-line on a Sunday morning in between dishes and ironing..........wonder how else people spend their time.......)

Admittedly there are times when Master catches me sitting at the computer shaking my head and saying "I just don't get it". But, just because I don't understand it and it's not my kink, doesn't mean I look down on it. I try not to judge people, and in my profession it's highly frowned upon to do so, so I get quite a bit of practice here. LOL I'm of the philosophy "to each his own" which I think 90% of us on this site are. However, I'd never condone any sort of abuse. Some things are really too heinous. It's funny that I can't say "criminal things" as many states still consider sodomy a crime. Come on....even the president gets a blowjob every now and again, and I'm pretty sure someone out there in government takes it in the ass sometimes. *giggles* Like I said, to each his own, just be kind to eachother whatever your kink. :)

I subscribe to His philosophy

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Originally Posted by Demon Dom

Some of the things I do to her may superficially resemble abuse, but there's an important difference, I am doing these things because we both enjoy them, and in a manner that is respectful of her limits and desires. Treating ones partner with respect means treating your partner the way she wants to be treated - no law says that nice guys never fuck their wives in the ass or tell their girlfriends to strip and masturbate in front of them. It creates a deep intimacy that's hard to beat. This kind of exploration and sharing creates a bond of intimacy and trust that's more romantic and more passionate than you may believe.
I focus on my partner, and what she needs, social preconceptions of who "women are" mean nothing to me. My focus is on the woman I am with rather than what "women want."

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Originally Posted by Demon Dom

Why would I want to deliberately hurt my most precious possession?
Ah, that's a bit tricky. I've been involved in BDSM and D/s long before I had words to describe either. The best single safety tool we have is our common sense. D/s is arguably one of the most complex forms of all human relationships, and it's different for everyone--something that works for one person doesn't apply to another. Mastering one set of protocols no more makes you an expert than mastering macaroni and cheese makes you a five-star chef.

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Originally Posted by Demon Dom

I've met many people who engage in BDSM activities, such as bondage or spanking, but who insist they are "not into that BDSM stuff." Usually, it's because they have an idea in their heads about what BDSM is, like "BDSM means wearing a leather mask and being chained to a wall and whipped, and I don't like that, so I'm not into BDSM." But BDSM doesn’t necessarily mean wearing a hood and being chained to the wall. If you like being lightly spanked or light bondage excites you, then you're into BDSM.

Some people, myself included, love the aesthetic of an elaborate form of bondage; others simply aren't interested in the bondage elements at all. Some people, myself included, love eroticism of caning, the pain, her submission and especially how lovely her bottom looks afterwards. The key to all these different forms of BDSM, though, is the exchange of power or sensation. One person is choosing to allow the other person to have control over him or her in some way, or to inflict sensation in some way.

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Originally Posted by Demon Dom

There is not one "right" way to behave that applies to all people all the time. If something adds pleasure to your life and to your partner's life, then it's not a bad thing, even if it is unconventional.

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I am too lazy and too respectful to ever bother judging anyone. I once or twice got worried about the personal safety of some people, but once I was reassured about that, its their life. :)

The only thing that makes my blood boil is when someone tries to indoctrinate newbies by playing with them and telling them "my way is the real BDSM" or "you have to be slave/kajira/you have to be 24/7/you have to like spanking/or whatever." I am a firm believer of philosophy that there are as many BDSM ways as there are BDSM couples.

Individual acts make no journey less valuable or meaningful than those of your peers, so enjoy your exploration (regardless of what that includes or excludes). Take your time, savor the journey - as I learned to trust Him, as we continue to grow comfortable with each other on levels I thought no human being would ever be comfortable letting someone else in - I find I enjoy things I never thought I could.

I feel both lucky and blessed that at the end of the day I have someone to hold me, someone who takes me into His arms and says "Who cares what those people say. This is who we are and this is the only thing that is real. The only thing that matters," and then I am safe and I cant be bothered with what others think.

When I began my own journey, I would have never entertained half of the things I find enjoyable now.

I have certianly crossed the line into kink, I wasn't sure when or where exactly that it happened, but I am here to stay.

I am sure I have been guilty of doing the old double take many times, paticularly when it comes to my views of some of the heavier aspects of tourture play, rape, age play, beastiality, non-consensual abuse etc etc.

As a survivor of some pretty tramatic abuse I have a tendency to be overprotective of my sisters especially when I see them exhibiting behaviors that led to my own prior mistakes that allmost cost me my life. It is very difficult not to be judgemental or jump to conclussions.

I have found it is very hard for people in general to not be judgemental about a great many things especially about those kinks, or philosophical ways of bdsm that they do not really understand.

More often than not, the very people who claim they are the least judgmental are in fact ironically the most spiteful of "judges".

Even here on a bdsm site I have encountered very adament prejudice. Sometimes from the least likely of places. Unfortunately I have come to realize a lot of people don't bother to really read what a person says so much as read into what they think one is saying and allow thier own pre-judgments to cloud thier views.

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[QUOTE=cadence;756664]I've always been a kinky fritter, ever since I can remember.
I have probably been more judgemental of myself than anyone else. [QUOTE]

OK, yes, that's me exactly. I spent so long judging myself, and it's such a relief to be slowly moving away from that, that I feel pretty humble around other people's kinks.

"Judge not lest ye be judged" - in my case, it means, judge not because you'll probably be doing that in about a month.

And yes, anything non-consentual, with people or animals or whatever, I certainly do judge. It's the things that people agree to do to each other that amaze, surprise, astound, repel, delight, seduce, astonish me. Frequently, when I am astonished or even repelled, I have less of an ick response than a feeling of, hmm, I wonder what they know that I don't?

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Originally Posted by rachel06

"Judge not lest ye be judged" - in my case, it means, judge not because you'll probably be doing that in about a month.

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Ain't that the damn truth! :p

Truer words, rachel...

Personally I try my damndest to not judge and I dont wince at much but there are some things that just makes me cringe like animals and kids in a sexual context. Other than that I am pretty much non judgemental.

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Originally Posted by Pearlgem

How do we suddenly develop blanket toleration for all perverted practices when in the 'real' world we're as prejudiced and judgemental as come out?

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Simple answer- we don't. No matter the geographic location, the economic status, the level of education, et all, at some point in time, we are all judgemental in some way about some thing. We're human. It's one of the things we do best. (Tom taught me the truth of that concept.)

To quote cadence- "Most times when I think what someone else does is bizarre, it's because it's not my thing, I don't understand it, or I haven't tried it yet."

I agree with this. I think she put the idea out here in just the right way. Now because I'm one of those judgemental humans with my own ideas and opinions, I'm gonna take her excellent summation and use it as a starting place for my own thoughts (I do hope cadence won't mind!).

Regarding some *kinks, I will always think "it" is bizarre (whatever I regard "it" to be). It will never be my thing, I will never understand it, nor will I ever try it. A couple things are just that way for me, and I don't consider having my own limits on such a bad thing. What differentiates me from the ignorant and arrogant judgementalists is that I won't inflict my opinion on you and berate you to take it on as your own truth. To each his own, and everything. It's not my place nor my responsibility to inform you that you're "wrong" for having the desires and urges you have. It's no one's place to do that to another soul. So while I may be thinking, "Holy hell, how can anyone want that?!?!?!", I will be the only one who knows that I am thinking such. Ok, jeanne will probably know as well, but that's it.

Good question. Thanks for posing it.

:wave:

(*I am not referring to paedophilia and animal cruelty. No matter what package one tries to wrap them in, those aren't kinks, and they never will be. They're illegal. Period.)