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I'm having a real hard time getting what I want (and NEED) out of my relationship with my Dom. He is diabetic and had his left great toe amputated 2 weeks ago. Now, I get no attention that I really need as a sub. I'm very depressed about it and I sometimes wonder if he really cares.
Anyways, I think I need a pep talk before I go INSANE....:icon277:
Seems to me that you are being a bit selfish here. Your Dom is going though a health issue right now. As a good sub and a friend you need to be more supportive and understanding of his situation. Right now he is healing and that is a physical and emotional process.
You do have needs, yes... but right now his health and recovery should be of greater concern to you than just your own gratification.
Don't mean to be harsh, but somtimes as a sub you get and sometimes you give. It goes both ways in a good relationship.
Be there for him and encourage him and let him know that your connection isn't just about the "needs" and you might find that you have a better relationship in the end.
And in the meantime, a good vibrator and lots of batteries might help you get through.
I wish that I lived there then i would take over from him and give you what you need.
I have to agree with Sadiej a bit. He just had his toe amputated. Not only is that painful, but OMG he lost a part of his body! A rather important part too, a toe may seem meaningless, until you have Vertigo or various balance disorders ( I do ) you might suddenly realize how important your big toe is when you don't want to fall over for no apparent reason.
Not only is he healing physically, it will take him emotional time to get over the loss of a part of himself. No matter how trivial the part may seem, it's a loss. He will be worried over many things.
Try thinking of his feelings, and worry less about your own. Yes, it sucks when you are perfectly healthy and want to have sex and be Dominated. But, I find that it's almost impossible to get horny at all when my Master isn't feeling well. I can go from dripping to motherly in seconds. My life belongs to him, where would I be without him? His health and happiness mean everything to me.
Submission isn't always about sex. Try being a servant to him. Bring him his medication, drinks, snacks. Cook him the food he likes. Read to him, watch his favorite movie, play a board game. What will make HIM feel better?
All relationships have their hard times. My mum ended up with breast cancer a few years back. My step-dad didn't feel that his "needs" were being met either and turned to porn. (They're vanilla and my mum is against porn. He knew that).
Anyways, back to my point, he was busy looking at porn while she was busy going to chemo, losing her hair, etc.
They finalized their divorce last month.
I agree with Sadie, that it is selfish to ignore your own partners needs in the midst of -their- health/financial/whatever crisis. At the same time I do understand what it feels like to be a sub without her master/SO performing as such. (I date vanilla so it's common for me.) My advice would be to hang in there- is this brief period really worth throwing it all away? "This too shall pass" ... and what not.
He probably isn't ignoring you- instead he's focusing on his own basic needs right now- the need for health and wellness. Don't neglect your emotional well being either. I'm not going to suggest just sucking it up when it comes to depression. Your best bet- Seek out good friends who you can confide in. Go out with them for coffee, head to a movie. Give yourself a break and get your mind off of it. Then when you come home focus on what you DO have with your partner instead. Take a bath together and just enjoy the company. Light some candles and lay in bed with him. If you still feel ignored, after all of this is done, then the best thing you can do is communicate. Think about what you want to say beforehand and think about what he might be feeling as well. Then talk to him.
And, If you just need an ear, I'm always available via PM. I don't mind listening.
I understand you are not getting what you want or need. I think that you should try to hang in there, I mean if things were good before and have just started going "sideways" then perhaps it is due to the loss of His toe. If this is an on-going thing then maybe you need to look else where. In any event you must do what it is in your nature to do. That what makes you happy.
Poor old Ws2! Even if you had the patience of a saint, it's hard being unintentionally neglected. But you've been given some rather lovely advice.
Enjoy your submission through being his diligent servant - look after him and offer small, thoughtful services. Maybe he's a grumpy, complaining patient and most un-domlike. Think of it as lesson in submissive humiliation and accept it gracefully. Now is the time to journal or blog - why not here and allow others to support you? Why not sublimate those urges by writing some hot steamy stories - present them to your Dom as a kick start for when he's better.
Do you have rules and rituals between you? Are you diligently following them, even when he's not checking up on you? How pleased and proud he'd be of you if, when he's better, you present him with a truthful report of how diligent and mindful you'd been while he was 'away.'
And of course, if allowed (I hope) take care of your own orgasms. Make a project of it and see if you can find your G-spot! I surely can't!
Patience, sister. x x
PS. The loss of a big toe is not trivial, and being a diabetic, he may have difficulty healing. He must be worried.
real relationships take work, some times it is 50-50 most times it is not so even, this is a time when your Dom needs you to be strong for both him and yourself. He has just faced the loss of a body part, and frequently that makes a person feel less the full, his health crisis has also made him re-evalualte his own life ( I assume since it is something I too have had to do in my life many years ago) If you value the relationship you had with him, then it is worth fighting these blues you are feeling right now and be there for him, things will most likely resume simular if not exactly as they were before all this happened. The question is can you and will you be there for the long haul?Just my 2 cents worth ~Wyked~
I want to thank you all for your advice and i look forward to re-reading it when I get depressed again...I have to agree that this is the best site to get support from...not just information...Hope you all had a very good Thanksgiving...
I don't know how everyone else feels but, just the act of doing things for my Sir that i know he likes, (even when he didn't tell me too) make me feel wonderful and when i am praised for it, makes me feel all wet.
So perhaps simply the act of taking care of him while he is recovering, and seeing his approval, could give you some of the satisfaction that you need on a mental and emotional level. Dominance isn't all about the physical stuff.
Hope this helps.
Nice comment satisified.
That was going to be my suggestion... serve him, entertain him. Be wet for him.