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Do any of you use pain even though you are not especially or even at all into the SM side of BDSM. How much do you use it, in what way, and too what level of pain? I ask because I can see the joy in submitting to someone who is able and will inflict pain, or the humiliation of a spanking, yet don't think I get any enjoyment out of the pain itself. How far do you go when you don't enjoy the pain itself, only what it represents?
Having experienced pain inside and outside of BDSM I can tell you it is a completely different experience. I have found that pain from a spanking or even a whipping given knowing that you earned it and your Master loves you enough to punish you can be very erotic and the pain can be a stimulant even if you don't enjoy pain.
Of course these days I am a bit of a pain slut, and my Master can vouch for that, but it is more the situation than the pain itself that I enjoy
Submitting to something that you don't enjoy in order to please someone else can be tremendously powerful. It's a valid experience and not "less" than masochistically reveling in pain. Probably you can't go as far with the pain as a real pain slut but I don't think that should worry you. If your partner wanted a pain slut he'd find one; if he's playing with you, then he probably values your submission as much as you enjoy giving it, and then the pain is a means to an end, not the end in itself.
In terms of how far you can go - only you can discover that. It might be further than you think.
I am by no means a pain slut, yet can be spanked to the point of orgasm. For me it is the situation.
The disciplne aspect, can and will teach your body to react differently I guess it just depends on how willing your mind is to accept the lesson being taught.
There is pleasureable pain, and just simply pain everyone's threshold is different inside or outside SM
I have found that inside the BDSM aspect, things I fantasized about before trying and thought I would like I didnt. Things that I thought were somewhat of a limit that I would not like at all I find myself now begging for.
How far you go, is why there are safe words. You wont know the answer to that until you explore for your self.
There was a time when I said "I like a little pain in sex." I used to think I only liked a little, and was afraid to go much past some hair pulling or a slap on the ass. I didn't even realize it was happening to be totally honest... but my Master managed to push those boundaries slowly to ease me out of that fear. It's not so much the pain I love, but the chemical reactions from the situation and the pain mixed. My only advice ever is, don't be hard set on your limits. I was, and now feel kinda silly because of all the wonderful things I would have missed out on if I hadn't been willing to push a little.
At the risk of sounding like a cutter, I knew I was a bit of a masochist before I even really knew what sex or submission was. I would never want to do anything horrible to myself, but in grade school I would always be the one to initiate games like bloody knuckles or slapping games (you try not to flinch while I slap/punch your arm/leg as hard as I can, and then I'll try not to flinch when you do the same to me). Later (and sometimes even now), I would wrap rubber bands around my hand or arm and snap them, so that the welts caused designs. Just so you know, I was an emotionally stable child with loving parents and no history of abuse- I just liked small to moderate doses of pain, and the adrenaline rush they caused.
It's all about what the sub will give of herself to me... and nothing specifically to do with the pain.
Hmm pain in itself does nothing for me. I dont particularly enjoy pain on either end. Giving or recieving. What I do love however is the submission and the warm arse afterwards.
Glorious feeling to get that from her!.
I think I am a little bit addicted :p
As someone who was NOT a cutter, per se, but used pain in a similar way, I'll give my $0.02.
For me, when I was in emotional pain, I would cause myself physical pain and the emotional pain would recede.
Now, I wasn't a "cutter" necessarily.... but I'd sometimes pull my hair out strand by strand, scratch my arms or legs, hold my hand over a lighter (not until it blistered), and things of that nature.
It sends you to a different plane emotionally & mentally. It allowed me to shut off what I was feeling emotionally, focus on the physical and then I could get back to the mental and decide what to do about it.
Not sure if that makes sense.
I still have these tendencies... but I've worked it out so that I deal with emotional pain in a healthier way now, and only rarely do I want to harm myself to get away from things.
Pain can be used even if you do not enjoy it in a spiritual way, to reach another level of awareness, or to set yourself free.Quote:
Originally Posted by mzkkbprmt
To do this you have to go over your own limits - some.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BryansGrrrl
hun i am with you ..mind you i didn't do the blistering but all the rest and yes i bash myself against things as well anything to take the pain way inside of me...
And just like you i have found healthier ways ... although at times when that is not available i find at times i still do things to take the mental agony away ...
One time it came on so fast i broke ..i wrote a peom about it and posted it called Breakdown.. not 2 or three hours after it started...
it is in no-erotic poems near the top at the moment as i had yet another break down just a while ago.. sighs.. i am still trying to get over it...
just my opinion
hugs
snow
I agree with this. It used to be pretty typical to find floggers in the spiritual arsenal of priests, and it is sometimes still used in other traditions today.Quote:
Originally Posted by thir
Since many of us go into sub-space when in a scene, I think you can understand that kind of state. However, it needs to be directed during this type of thing. Meditation helps. :)
Yes, if the need is immediate, I will do that also. Rubber band snapping or hair pulling is what I usually go with. Or digging my fingernails into my palms. It helps to focus me. I haven't done so in over a year, however... and I've found that my medication helps tremendously with this type of thing. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by snowflake
again same with me other then the elastics and meds .. they are having problems agreeing for anit depressant aboutt what i can take .. a lot say if you have glacoma.... and i do .. but lorazepam does help although after having pills abused on me {my ex and one doc that new nothing 36 pills a day it ended up as} i fight to not take them and try to beat it on my own...Quote:
Originally Posted by BryansGrrrl
But sudden serges of stress bring it out fast and i can't deal with it.. that and a few new things i am trying to swallow in life are just eating and spitting me out as of late .. thus why the antidepressants... sighs..
Thanks hun for being so open and opening the door for me to be open .. it has certainly help
Extra big hugs
snow
again just my opinion
well, i actually was a cutter/burner. . .there were times when i did it to center my thoughts--deal with something concrete instead of the crazy emotional turmoil. but eventually i actually did it just because i liked it. burning was nearly orgasmic, i swear it was once or twice. for me it was that as long as the pain was intentional it was good.
but for sexual pain in non-SM relationships, well, nearly everyone does that to some extent. its completely up to you on how far you want to take that. it could just be using a bit more force than is pleasant, you could add some spanking or whatever else you want.
In the words of Jay Wiseman from a seminar that I attended over the weekend: good pain, good; bad pain, bad. A submissive will know the difference (i.e. during bondage). Personally, I have a lot of vaginal/urethral infections, and I sometimes use that pain during intercourse to help me "pain train" a little that does not necessarily have to be SM related. Other than that, non-SM pain can be used to condition one's body (see martial arts practices), but your brain may start to get fuzzy if the good and bad pains start to mix.