Printable View
I'm really very new to the whole realm of submission. While I'm very excited to start my new adventure I'm not really sure where to begin. I figured that the first step was to find a dom (luckily i found one very easily in my lover/ boyfriend) He is as well very new to the scene. Aside from that I'm not sure where to go from there. Any advise, suggestions, or questions would be very welcomed and appreciated.
Actually, the first step is to learn about yourself and start figuring out what submission means to you. Spend some time thinking and reading - there's tons of information on this site and you'll get lots of different perspectives. I hope you will take the time to read, read, read and think, think, think.
While you are reading, be sure to read from many different resources. The more input you can gather the easier things will become for you. This site has many excellent items in all of the forums, almost mind-boggling.
Another source of info is www.seekers.org.uk/home.htm which I think I got from a link here.
The French site BDSM Circle is another fine one.
each fill out the bdsm questionair(sp), on this site, its a very good way to find out where your interests lie and where his do, fill them out indevidually and then discuss them its a brilliant way to break into this or at least it worked for me. Try n start slow and (no matter how much you want to jump straight in!) and talk lots and lots and lots.. really i cant stress that enough!
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9385 <questionare thread
BDSM A to Z thread on this site is really great for learning terminology and basics...
Good luck to you! :)
Thank you all very much! please keep it coming(pardon the pun) I want to learn as much as possible and I appreciate all your help.
I agree with what everyone said bout reading as much as you can. Ask as many questions as you can, dont be afraid to ask the questions because you probably arent the only one who would like to know the answer! Becareful with the information you do receive, try to realize theres no "real" or "twue" way to practice bdsm. Try to be safe, sane, and consensual as much as possible. Realize that you can say no, if you feel uncomfortable and that you can exercise that right as well!.
Try to have fun with it, you may not be the submissive that want 24/7 but that doesnt make you any less of a submissive. Try to be try to yourself and continue to have fun!
Also there are some great books out there you can read, if your able. "Jay Wiseman SM101 , and The Loving Dominant - John Warren". Both of those books can be picked ordered through amazon, so you dont have to try to order through a bdsm site.
Remember to have fun and enjoy yourself!!
Doh Im in the wrong section again (but feel free to ignore my input or tell me to butt out)
as you go through learning about things, try thinking about them and keep a note of them and how you react, so that you have an idea of the types of activites you like and you dont.
(its just as important to know what you dont like as much as what you do!)
when youre with a Dom, dont be afraid to try things (as long as they appeal on some level), but also dont be afraid to say stop!
Often for a Dom its a real turn on to find out what your turn ons are, so dont be shy about sharing your fantasies, and ideas. personally Im a fan of receiving hot text messages from my subby about her latest ideas :) they fun and short and quick and can edge around the shyness aspects.
hope that helps.
U.
Great advice so far, so I'll just add a bit more from personal experience. While you are doing all this reading and talking and thinking you discover BDSM is a great big new world, filled with lots of fun, scary, exciting, pleasurable, painful, and often unexpected things. You'll find the things you can't wait to try, and ones you think you'll never be into. But, just because you have found all this amazing stuff don't feel you have to rush to try it all right away.
Go slow, enjoy and explore together! Start with simple stuff first, build trust in each other and learn to read one another. You are both new, so don't dive head first into the deep-end. A bad experience can put you off playing for a long-time if you don't have a foundation and experiences already. And know that there will be lots of good, great, amazing times, but there will be times when it just doesn't work as well....all part of the journey.
Have fun, talk lots, and good luck to you both. Hope this helps - kuri
PS - naughty texts are a fav of mine as well - both getting and sending
Don't forget to talk to each other... people find sex to be an awkward topic, but if dominance and submission is something you want to get into, the best thing for both of you is to talk to each other. You should always discuss beforehand about a scene and aftewards about what you liked and didn't like about it. People don't read minds.
YES! YES! YES!
flying66 is spot on, TALK!
don't assume your Master/bf will know what you want and enjoy, you must tell him
if BDSM is unpleasant for you it will undoubtably be unpleasant for him
this is afterall an intimate act between TWO people...
im reasonably new to the scene myself but one thing any sub and even every Dom needs to know is what they are wanting and what they like
and be confident in yourself xx
Sub should honestly share with the Dom what he/she hates most and likes most. Dom can use this to reward and punish the sub.