sub needing advice

i am a new sub with an online Dom. Things have been going really well for a month now, yes a few little humps but nothing major. Untill yesterday... A few weeks ago He gave me tasks that need to be done every day as part of training. i was to keep Him updated on how it was going, my progression etc... Well yesterday i determined (selfishly) that i was going to take the day off from His assignments. Then i had to update Him and had to confess that i didn't follow the rules. When asked why not my answer was that i didn't want to... direct disobedience, not good. So He asked me what my punishment should be, i am staring at a blank screen trying to think of what would be a good punishment for directly disobeying... Anyone have any suggestions??

why are so called experienced Dom's asking newbie submissives to think of their own punishments i have to ask ???

Well if it were me, I'd remove some sort of privilege you are used to with him. But since I'm not him, you could pretty much make up anything you wanted.

The question is how serious do you take the relationship? Seriously? Give a real answer. Not seriously, Give whatever answer you want.

A not seriously answer could be * no using the z key for three days *. That would probably get the response of "seriously?"

thank you, and yes, i do want to take the relationship seriously. And losing a privelge does sound like a good idea.

When people act out in relationships, break the rules of them on purpose, whether in vanilla life or in D/s, there's usually a reason. I think that if you take the relationship seriously you should have to think about and then write up what you were thinking and feeling when you purposely disobeyed. Were you testing him to see if he really meant what he said? Were you feeling frightened of the relationship or your submission? Were you angry about something? I've found myself disobeying more when the relationship has started to feel too intense, when I've been afraid of losing myself in it; when I've felt insecure and questioned his commitment; when I've felt guilty about my own submissive feelings. This is not to say that I haven't been punished afterward, but that understanding what prompted this behavior is really key to not repeating it. And maybe the change needs to come from him as well as from you. A good master will provide an atmosphere in which obedience is possible, and, for the most part, joyful. If he is pushing you too hard, or not providing enough emotional support, or whatever, you and he will need to address that together.

If you don't take the relationship seriously, then suggest that you clamp your nipples for seven minutes and rub Tigerbalm on your clit.

Double post.

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Originally Posted by LovesKink

why are so called experienced Dom's asking newbie submissives to think of their own punishments i have to ask ???

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Because it makes the submissive think. It makes her think about what she's done, what it means to her to be disobedient (willfully disobedient at that). Her answer tells how seriously she views the issue, and a lot about how her mind works vis a vis obedience. There's also the humiliation side of making her ask here, and witness the reaction of others to her disobedience.

The dominant does not need to use the punishment the submissive suggests, or can use it and add to it if he thinks she's not severe enough.

Use your imagination LovesKink, and perhaps you'll be able to add a few twists to your question.

In terms of the disobedience issue, tigergirl. The punishment should fit the crime. It depends on the nature of the task you refused, the sorts of limits you have and how badly upset I felt about your disobedience (and likely I'd have expected it about then anyway). At the very least you could expect some serious tasks that would take you a long time to complete and which would teach you something as well.

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Originally Posted by LovesKink

why are so called experienced Dom's asking newbie submissives to think of their own punishments i have to ask ???

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Because subs are often far harder on themselves than I would be... in an online situation. If it can't be a hands-on punishment, I more interested in her own motivators than in the actual punishment....

AND if she isn't harsh enough, that's a second punishable offense.

I do not, however, let her go elsewhere asking for help... that provides no additional value to the scene.

...and what Miner said too.

in being a Domme as well as being a slave i would want to know what your hard limits would be first before i could put down what i would think what punishment would fit the crime

I agree totally with what Miner posted. I think the punishment should fit the crime...and an essay stating why she refused to do said tasks on that day. I also find that cum restriction is a great punishment...

Thanks to all for the wonderful advice/help. Sir already had a punishment, He wanted my thoughts, and my thoughts added to the punishment, but were not the basis.

Tell him you are not capable of defining your own punishment (which in my opinion you are not because of your self proclaimed selfishness of not doing what you were instructed to do because you 'didn't feel like it').

Then direct him to the Dominant's Dungeon for ideas.

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Originally Posted by tigergirl

i am a new sub with an online Dom. Things have been going really well for a month now, yes a few little humps but nothing major. Untill yesterday... A few weeks ago He gave me tasks that need to be done every day as part of training. i was to keep Him updated on how it was going, my progression etc... Well yesterday i determined (selfishly) that i was going to take the day off from His assignments. Then i had to update Him and had to confess that i didn't follow the rules. When asked why not my answer was that i didn't want to... direct disobedience, not good. So He asked me what my punishment should be, i am staring at a blank screen trying to think of what would be a good punishment for directly disobeying... Anyone have any suggestions??

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I tihnk the question that needs to be asked here is 'did you learn from this?' and 'Would you disobey again?' If the answers to these are no and yes then the punishment has failed.

What you maybe should have learnt from this is to ask permission before taking any kind of break from set tasks. It is easy enough to send a mail saying 'Please, Master, may I take a day of rest...' maybe listing reasons why you feel you need it. He may say no but he is more likely to say yes (unless you have given him reason not to such as recent disobedience in other tasks) and, more importantly, you get the day off without any repurcussions.

No sub should be in a position where they feel that they cannot ask a Dom/me for permission to change the rules or ignore the rules for a time or something like that.

Whoa, down boy.

Not too extreme, just out of place. This topic has been resolved already, sweetie.

ok