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what do you guys think about this topic? I have noticed thati can pick out several types of subs, from the way they act about making mistakes.
Lisa for example, she hates to dissapoint, and wants to be perfect for me.
but i have also seen subbies who intentionally misbehave- either for punishment or to see if the dom will actually follow through.
Well of course there are different types of submissives; each one is a human being and therefore unique.
Though if you wanted to categorize I would probably split them into two groups as "submissive all the time" and "only submissive at home/in sessions." And Doms could be split in the same way.
And then of course, people can still act differently at any time. My little one is passive and submissive to nearly everyone most of the time, but once we went out to eat and the waiter ripped us off about ten dollars, and little one (verbally) let him have it; he got us our entire meal for free while I just stood there perfectly silently, pleasantly surprised.
Of the two tendencies that you mentioned I suppose it is true that most people lean more toward one or the other; those that are constantly aiming to please and then if they mess up you don't even have to do anything; they punish themselves half the time, and then those that are more feisty and disobedient and would rather "submit" because they lost a power struggle (though they already know ahead of time they will lose).
However I am hesitant to say that these are "types" of people, more just like personality traits, because I don't like to pigeonhole people into categories so much. I'd rather say it is a range of behaviors that a person is more or less likely to display.
I hate disappointing Sir and even when He'll say I did really well with.....whatever, I still feel like a failure. The times I mess up and know I did (which, thankfully are few and far between), I punish myself more than He ever would. However, it isn't realistic to please everyone all the time.
Regarding subs intentionally misbehaving; as the previous post mentioned, that could be their personality; they might not be aware of how they're being perceived. It doesn't necessarily negate how submissive they are. Or, they could be a bit of a brat and their Dom doesn't mind. This could also be a way of testing a Dom (though that's not something I recommend as it smacks of game playing). They may be very new or haven't yet figured out their place. It can be easy to admit to being submissive; being submissive in a D/s relationship is something entirely different.
That's the great thing about these relationships; before a collar is placed or any sort of commitment is made, if you take things slowly, you pretty much know before hand if you'll be a good match.
I believe that there are more than 2 general types.
There are service oriented submissives to genuinely enjoy doing things for their Dom, not needing or wanting to be forced into doing it, and their reward can be as simple as a smile or pat on the head.
Then there are the types that need to be forced into service and submission (and WANT to be forced) because they can't (or don't want to) give up that power without a struggle. I think it's a separate type of kink. "Bratty" subs may or may not fall into this category... thoughts on this would be appreciated. I'm not sure if I'd categorize "Bratty" separately or not.
There are bottoms, whom I feel are different than subs, in that they want to have things done to them (pain, forced service, etc) but on their terms and what THEY want... not so much what a Dom would NEED.
Of those three, I think there can be subcategories as well that would include subbies who are into humiliation, those who are into pain, etc. I don't know if I'd separate these 2 particular kinks from the others.
Interesting topic.
Well the "Smart-Ass Masochist" are one type of sub. These tend to be bratty and challenging enjoying the struggle and fight both in the play room and out.
There are true-submissive's like the stereotype submissive oriental daughter or the women in the Eugenspeil Society - eyes downcast, and willing to be treated like property. They dont want to think for themselves or have any responsibility. This might be fun for a play-weekend or so, but it takes a lot of energy from the Dom. It's almost a rescue-relationship.
The happiest lifestyle couples I have met are what I would call "part time". They tend to be somewhat hippie style of couple very relaxed with each partner taking care of areas of the house and work and family roles. But when a signal is given either a word or putting on a collar, they switch to different roles for playtime/weekend fun. When I was younger this confused me how this could work, but now knowing I wear Husband, Father, Brother, Employee persona's - this is just another hat to wear.
Then there are switches or subs who try to "top from the bottom" by manipulation.
It might be fun to come up with some questions for newbie subs. Describe several interactions with a Dom and ask them to rate seeing themselves in the scene. This could range from submissive Domestic role, the sex-slave role waiting naked by the door for daily inspections/attention, the schoolgirl role with a punishment book where infractions are recorded all week to be delt with Friday night, The "drama queen" where you act like a normal couple except for every few nights she mis-behaves to provoke the dreaded "wait till I get you home missy!" reaction.
(A lot of this can touch on WHY the sub wants to be submissive. Which may be questions we dont want to ask.)
I think it would be fun/interesting to see some type of survey like that done. I think that just as there are subs who are fiestier and like to push their boundaries, there are going to be Doms that enjoy reminding their subs where the boundaries are and reinforcing their dominance. I think for some this is just part of the appeal. For other Doms, they will desire more compliance and there will be other subs that will crave more guidance/approval. I think there is a myriad of categories in between (and probably outside of this, too).Quote:
Originally Posted by DomBob
It would be interesting to see a survey done that would help both Doms and subs find where they land on that spectrum as I think finding a good match is key. For instance, if a more fiesty sub ended up with a Dom who wanted total compliance, or if a more compliant sub ended up with a Dom who wanted a little of a fight, it could cause problems in the relationship.
I also think it makes a difference whether you are a certain way all of the time. For me, in day to day life, my boyfriend wants me to be opinionated and have my own hobbies/interests. But when I'm specifically with him the dynamic changes. We're still very new in our relationship, and figuring out our particular dynamic, but knowing that he cares what I think and how I feel about things makes it a lot easier to trust him when he says things or does things that would infuriate me if it were anyone other than him.
I've seen a few people in the Introductions area and they remind me of my early days - interested and THINKING they know what they want, but un-able to ask for it, cannot find a partner who 'just knows', etc.
The tricky part is you cannot just ask newbies what kind of D/S relationship they want. You have to approach it sideways.
My thought was a series of questions like this:
Rank the following scenes in Most Likely to see yourself in to least likely:
- You wake up each morning happy that you have a detailed list of choirs/jobs to do, and know the penalties will happen each evening if you dont do them.
- You spend the week with your Dom trying to be nice, but he keeps a punishment book and you know Fri night - an accounting will be made.
- You have a fairly normal relationship with your Dom, but at any time you can find your collar on the table or you can at any time put the collar on to signal the change in your roles.
- You want some attention so you mis-behave hoping for some intense spanking and tears, followed by the after-care.
- You want some attention so you mis-behave when your Dom comes home, but find yourself tied up in the next room while your Dom eats/watches TV. Then without dinner you are shown to a blanket and pillow on the floor and told you might earn your way back into good graces tomorrow.
- Your Dom shows up frustrated/in a bad mood and drags you to the playroom for a long, painful scene where he takes his anger out on you. You suffer, but knowing this gives him what he needs keeps you asking for more.
Questions like these are kind of like pre-marriage questions to force thinking about your needs, and your partners.
Excellent. thanks for the great conversation.
I think I might start working on writing my own checklist- it sounds like fun.
I am a big beliver in checklists as an icebreaker, and filling them out once in a while (we do it every 6 months) just to see where we are at.
I really like the idea of adding a few senarios like these to the list as well. i usually do that very thing, but i do it by watching porn or showing pictures to my new sub- well, i used to i should say
That's a good addition to the checklist.
Also add some roleplay scenes. Add some public and party scenes.
Instead of "Most Likely" and "Least Likely"... perhaps rewording that might be good. "Hot" to "Not Hot" might give a better example. I know it's semantics, but sometimes wording matters.
Some things I find hot even though I may not want to do them right away. I've had to grow into a few of the things that we do now, and I'm sure I'll grow into (and possibly out of) other things through time. :) Which is why Sir and I do the checklist often.