SSC,RACK, and edge play (part one)

Hello everyone,

This is my first post in this area, I hope that I am doing this correctly. It says My bdsm life. I’m thinking that is talking about how bdsm and my life work together. How I feel on topics. I finds that I am rather stubborn in my view points but my view points are ever changing and evolving. I like to learn and grow. Right now I’m in the process of a focused growing set. I’ll talk about that more later when I am further along in the process, it’s hard enough going through it let alone attempting to share it with others.

What I have to say pertains to my life and most of the time it won’t fit in with everyone and their lifestyles. I don’t want people to think I am some profession top whatever. That I think I know it all, most of the things that I talk about are things I want to get feed back on so I can help shape my opinion about it. Other things I’ve thought about for hours, talked and debated about with my friends and people who weren’t my friends.

I’d enjoy talking about a subject that is near and dear to my heart. At the same time some of the things I have to say about this subject are rather “harsh” and have upset people. This is just how I see it, I am open to change my mind someday, but this is how I see it at this moment. SSC, RACK, Edge play, and Rope.

When I first started out in the lifestyle, I had many friends and partners that would basically chant SSC at me/with me. I went along with that thinking that I must do things that are SSC and still kinky. I never really thought about what that meant to me. What those words and ideas mean. I also didn’t take the time to look at what I was doing. By that I don’t mean I did things with out thinking, I did things and labeled them something that wasn’t really the correct label.

Some of us talk about labels, love or hate them, they are out there. They are out there for different reasons. I believe in this case, the label SSC is there to make ourselves feel better, accepted, or another reason not listed by myself. Chanting SSC does not make something or some one safe, sane, or consensual. Edge play can never be SSC. It’s edge play. Do Y/you consider rope edge play? Hanging someone up from cords attached to a metal ring. I’ve listened to a few riggers out there in my passing through classes, events, and social outings. I’ve come to understand the idea that rope IS edge play. That is my opinion. That is what opinion I am writing this from.

It makes me feel odd to an extent because I know that still goes on today, Doms and subs out there chanting away to newbies SSC. I don’t find that fair to an extent. It's like schools only teaching: “Oh don’t have sex if you don’t want babies.” The idea that one way is right and that telling teenagers to not have sex will keep them from doing it. Giving out these long list of rules or guidelines also makes little sense for me at this point. I do have to say those rules and guidelines are very helpful to newbies who can handle them and if they don’t sent the person’s head spinning.

When I say makes little sense to me at this point I mean that I’ve come to learn enough about my kink and what I do that I will not be taking someone’s list of basics to heart and I tend to go as far as thinking that when someone writes or approaches me with the words: “One should never” or “one should always,” I tend to disagree with them. I read someone wrote in a general statement about bondage that when one is tying a person the person should be able to hold their own body weight up, never allow a tie to hold the person’s body weight. That leaves all suspensions out, that leaves all partial suspensions out. The statement/rule that person came up with was for a huge chunk of bondage false.

This ends part one of my thought process. I know I can go on for hours on these topics, so I’m going to stop here and post the rest later on. Have a lovely evening everyone.

~RK~

You have to realize that people in the BDSM community are looked upon as deviants and without some of the structure/rules/education done - we would be the "usual suspects" pulled in for questioning with every rape, abduction and murder.

Then you have the newbies that would seriously injure someone in their first fledgling months. The safety rules are to make things safe while they learn to be careful.

With respect - I ask you to support these efforts for the PR value.

Privately - whip your partner until the blood decorates the walls if they agree and you know how to sterilize your gear and handle the after-care. Breath play - same thing if you have the experience.

I would say we have all done some things in our sex or BDSM life in private that is not strictly following the rules. But its done with care/experience/dumb-luck.

Dont take the rules as absolutes in your bedroom life - but think about others in the community.

Everything is a risk and part of SSC/RACK is learning to identify and manage that risk. It does not mean 'never do this because it is edge play' it means 'when you do this, be aware that you should be considering these issues...'

Edge play is only considered such because it possessed a greater risk of harm (either physical or psychological). By this definition rope play is not at all edge play. To be precise, *most* of rope play is not edge play but *some* of it may be...

Using a rope to tie someone's arms behind their back is not as risky as tying a rope around their neck and stringing that up to a light fitting... In the first instance, the risk is possibly cramp and maybe pins and needles from slight restriction of the circulation. There may also be a risk of the sub stumbling and falling over because they do not have thier arms for balance and a greater risk of hurting themselves in a fall because hands cannot be used to steady them and prevent a fall. A Dom can manage these risks by keeping an eye on the subs position, being ready to catch them if they fall and making sure there is nothing to fall on which is likely to cause greater damage, and also keeping an eye on the circulation. This is easy for a Dom to do and many will do this without even being told that they need to.

In the latter case, the risk is more severe - there is a significantly higher risk of death. A Dom in this case needs to be more on the ball in terms of safety. He may need to consider safety harnesses to prevent falling, have recus equipment on hand and so on. He may even consider it too dangerous to do and avoid the risk in that way.

In all cases of BDSM, you have to be aware of the risks and consider how you should deal with them. That is what the S parts of SSC means and the RA part of RACK.

"In order to properly break the rules, you have to know the rules."

I've heard this before and I agree with it. First, the Consensual of SSC is required, by law, nearly everywhere. Of course we all dance on that line quite a bit and that is why it is such an important issue to define it well. Safe word? Never had one with my current sub- but the fact that they exist is important for 1) newbie doms who really can't read a sub too well and need it or newbie subs who are afraid and that helps them feel better 2) vanillas, whom in most cases really don't understand or accept what we do and things like "rules" help smooth the bumps a little. To try to explain how on earth a person screaming "No, stop" at the top of their lungs is consenting, we have at least safe words (though that won't get you anywhere if police get involved).

But imagine a day or two after a harsh session and you break up, and now suddenly there's your sub with the police claiming s/he was abused by you. There are rules, they were broken.

The point is that most of us believe it is fine to break the rules- so long as you are aware of the risk(s) involved in that, and as prepared as possible for unwanted outcomes. That is why we speak so often of "the rules", not so much in that they must be followed in every single case, but so that we have a common place to start from.

It's one thing to hurt somebody on purpose in a way they've agreed to; it's quite another to hurt them by accident in a way you didn't mean. And there have been those who died from "accidents". None of us wants that. That is, of course, the ultimate thing we try to prevent.

I think our biggest concern is newbies. They may do things that are dangerous without knowing it, not realize the risk, and not be prepared for what may happen or how to prevent it. Want to suffocate your sub until they pass out, and this is okay with them? Fine. But know CPR before you do it. Want to do suspension bondage? Fine, but know how to get them down without causing nerve damage.

Nobody wants to become permanently damaged, and I think that is what most of us mean by "safe". We make our choices carefully, with proper information and research and are aware of the risks of what we choose, so we are "sane." We are not criminal rapists, taking what is not given to us, and that is what we mean by "consensual".

You know, I have said this before and I realise that it is unlikely to happen... but I think one thing BDSM needs is some form of licensing. By which I mean, a means by which a Dom can practise a technique under the auspices of a trained expert and gain some form of qualification which shows that they are safe and competent in that technique. Now, I am aware that this does happen - I know a local Domme to me spent time learning how to use a single tail whip safely and that there are seminars and talks on all aspects of BDSM safety - however, this is by no means universal nor is it 'official'. You can say you were mentored by 'Master X' who is an expert in Technique Y or that you went to a seminar by Master X but the only thing Master X has to prove he is qualifed is his reputation. This leaves things wide open to abuse.

If, however, Master X is able to say that he completed a recognised syllabus in Technique Y leading to a 'competent Master' qualification in Y which covered all the safety aspects and risk assessments linked to it there is a more secure basis on which to apply that trust.

Probably a ludocrous suggestion beause a) you cannot do practical qualifications in something which is, technically, possibly illegal (as many aspects of BDSM are) and certainly part of a largely misunderstood and villified subculture any more than you could do a vocational degree in 'preparing street drugs for consumption' or 'car jacking for beginners' and b) The chances of more than one lifestyler getting together and actually being in agreement on anything are slim at best :)

Instead, what the experienced players have to do is make sure that they are aware of the newbies and are there to give advice when needed. Make sure that the risks are well known.

And yes, I agree that the risk of consent being withdrawn after the fact is a very real one. Even without the lack of legal recognition of BDSM consent (you cannot legally consent to anything that will harm you other than medical procedures and they have a lot of legal protection around them such as ethics committees) there is the issue that any court in the situation described will more than likely simply assume that any consent was acquired under duress.

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Originally Posted by Jennifer Williams

"In order to properly break the rules, you have to know the rules."
> important for 1) newbie doms who really can't read a sub too well and need it or newbie subs who are afraid and that helps them feel better

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Common sense!

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2) vanillas, whom in most cases really don't understand or accept what we do and things like "rules" help smooth the bumps a little. To try to explain how on earth a person screaming "No, stop" at the top of their lungs is consenting, we have at least safe words (though that won't get you anywhere if police get involved).

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Actually, sometimes it can. Where I used to live in DK we had a bdsm club, and it could happen that people ran out into the road tied and naked. The police, knowing all about us, would shake their heads and tell us to think of the neighbours!

Also, have anyone ever been stopped by a trafic control with a partner in handcuffs? If bdsm is sufficiently known as being done by sane people, you may well get the same reaction.

There is also the question of children not being in danger just by living in a home where the parents happen to be into bdsm.

It is important, like it or not.

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It's one thing to hurt somebody on purpose in a way they've agreed to; it's quite another to hurt them by accident in a way you didn't mean. And there have been those who died from "accidents". None of us wants that. That is, of course, the ultimate thing we try to prevent.

Nobody wants to become permanently damaged, and I think that is what most of us mean by "safe". We make our choices carefully, with proper information and research and are aware of the risks of what we choose, so we are "sane." We are not criminal rapists, taking what is not given to us, and that is what we mean by "consensual".

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Exactly!
"Ups" is the word we do not want to hear..:eek:

I think DK is unusual in this respect... I believe there are still parts of America where being naked in private is still a lynching offense :) Seriously, most of Scandanavia seems to have a more relaxed attitude to nudity and sexuality than UK/America while the almost opposite approach to alcohol. I have heard of people from Denmark and Sweden who think it is perfectly fine for young children to be in a room with naked adults (behaviour which would cause a scandal and get the adults added to the sex offenders list in the UK) and yet the same adults think that adults drinking alcohol where children can see them is abhorrent.