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How does a submissive deal with a situation if she thinks the one training her is wrong with it and how should she deal with that? Lately I've felt that way but I don't know how to deal with this specific situation that is happenin,hoping I could get some advice here.
What is the situation.
We are all after all human and suject to error. If he/she is wrong then you have 2 choices do what he/she says and when the error is found he/she will be humilitated by there own error. Witch you will probly be punished for. Or you could speak candid with her by using a safe word out side of Bdsm and discuss it.
Just a thought I can not give 100 percent advice becouse I do not know your situation.
Moby
Thank you for the response I recently joined this site because of the stories, they are very creative but right now I have other things on my mind. This dominant has been training me the last five months and we were dating, but we also decided to leave our options open...we've been getting emotional with one another to a point...but he has been scared to getting too close with me because he doesn't want either of us getting hurt in the end. In the past he told me that he dated alot of submissives in the past who had problems and I told him I understand that...he says I am the only submissive who was more stable. Anyways he recently told me his ex came to him for help...and he told me she needed a place to stay, he didn't tell me anything about the situation. He just said he hopes we can still be as we are that he still wanted to be close....he kept saying that...it felt like he was apologizing for something. It felt like he knew something is going to happen...it just confuses me...he knows in the end I don't want something poly..and he knows I tend to be a romantic even though I am a submissive. We live about an hour away, we don't have a full time comittment, but we talk to one another all the time...I haven't been talking to him. I got the advice from someone to avoid him...til he see things clearly. But I don't know if that is the right thing to do. Any opinions?
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Originally Posted by Mobius
I am sorry to say that it is tough to be the rebound girl. He still has feelings for the X she has problems he volunteered to help she is back with him.Quote:
Originally Posted by TeasedWhispers
Your an hour away you get advice to stay away. (give him space)
I am sorry to say that to me is the recipy for them to get back together. He is going to deni and blather but in the end if you snuck up on them 1+1 you get it.
I"m thinking move on and if he wants to continue then he comes back to you not the other way around.
Dr moby puts away the white coat and goes back to peenut galory.
Your always welcome in the dungeon want a Collar?
I can understand if he wants to move on but I think he is only trying to keep his options open because he doesn't want to feel emotionally...I have been avoiding him but now he is starting to contact me more...asking if I am all right.....etc.....if I want to talk to him. I just am frustrated and its confusing to know what to do
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Originally Posted by Mobius
The way his planning sounds, it seems to me he is already planning for the relationship to end. "Keeping your options open" is a license for him to see whoever he pleases, while he keeps you on the shelf in case it doesn't work out. The ex moving in is a HUGE red flag, if you want a personal relationship.
A solid relationship is established when people plan for the future, not when people plan for failure.
And yes, on the thread topic, Doms certainly can be wrong. That's why caring people still need safe words! You need to sit down with him and have a long, heart to heart talk. Tell him it's person-to-person, not sub to dom, and open up your heart.
That may be the only way to get him to open up his. But prepare yourself; you may not like the answer you get.
This does not sound like an easy situation. Sending good thoughts to you to give you strength and some inner peace.
chksng
I know, the thing is I don't even feel like talking to him right now because I know something may happen with the girl but I trust him not to, thats why I am submissive to him. I know we are far, and keeping options open...but is a ex moving keeping options open to a dom?
He's afraid of getting too emotionally close because you guys might get hurt? That's the name of the game. Nothing ventured nothing gained. The only way you avoid getting hurt in relationships is by not having them.Quote:
This dominant has been training me the last five months and we were dating, but we also decided to leave our options open...we've been getting emotional with one another to a point...but he has been scared to getting too close with me because he doesn't want either of us getting hurt in the end.
He sounds a bit unstable himself. I am betting that he's not the most emotionally stable and mature fellow. Everyone has baggage, that's the nature of things. But from what you've written, I'm betting he's not really aware of or dealing with his.Quote:
he told me that he dated alot of submissives in the past who had problems and I told him I understand that...he says I am the only submissive who was more stable.
Drama. And more instability. At this point she could be there for any number of reasons. He could have a white knight "let's save the damsels in distress" syndrome. Or perhaps he has issues letting go? He might just want to have his cake and eat it too in the sex department. Or he could just be a sucker, an easy mark.Quote:
Anyways he recently told me his ex came to him for help...and he told me she needed a place to stay, he didn't tell me anything about the situation.
But all of that is irrelevant. He sounds like one of those people that go through life attracting drama. If you don't mind that, then fine. But as long as you're with him, be prepared to have everything and the kitchen sink start coming and interfering between the two of you.
At the very least, you need to have him tell you the truth about why she's there, how long she'll be there and what exactly is the nature of their relationship. Especially if you have budding feelings for each other. Otherwise you're just half assing it and he's a fuckbuddy dom and it's irrelevent who he sleeps or plays with as long as he's using protection.
Does he want poly? Is he a poly type of fellow?Quote:
He just said he hopes we can still be as we are that he still wanted to be close....he kept saying that...it felt like he was apologizing for something. It felt like he knew something is going to happen...it just confuses me...he knows in the end I don't want something poly..and he knows I tend to be a romantic even though I am a submissive.
What do you mean when you say it felt like he knew something is going to happen? Between him and the ex? Or between he and you? Or between the three of you? What did he do or say that made you sense that?
Again. That fear of getting hurt thing. He might have a fear of commitment. Or might not just be ready for a relationship. But then you don't sound like you're ready to make that leap either. Or necessarily that you want to.Quote:
I can understand if he wants to move on but I think he is only trying to keep his options open because he doesn't want to feel emotionally...I have been avoiding him but now he is starting to contact me more...asking if I am all right.....etc.....if I want to talk to him. I just am frustrated and its confusing to know what to do
This is why you need to sit down with him person to person. Set aside the d/s stuff and find out the nature of their relationship, why she is there and how long she is expected to be there.Quote:
I know, the thing is I don't even feel like talking to him right now because I know something may happen with the girl but I trust him not to, thats why I am submissive to him. I know we are far, and keeping options open...but is a ex moving keeping options open to a dom?
Just because he is a dom does not make him right. He is only human and will and does make mistakes. Just like you. And if you as a person and his sub have a problem with something he is doing as a dom or person, then it is up to you to communicate that to him. And it's his responsibility to address it.
Thank you for the excellent advice, it is really helping me set things straight in my mind, I am just trying to do what is best to figure out what is best for me. Lately I've been avoiding him to see what best for me into dealing with all of this, he has been iming me wondering why I didn't even say hello to him since we usually talk to each other every day. I just don't know what to tell him, a friend of mine told me to avoid him til he says all he is feeling to me and if he doesn't just not to talk to him again. That is extremely hard for me to do...
This is the first time I heard of him giving me problems, he has always been honest with me. I understand if he wants to keep options open, but it feels like its more than that and it confuses me. The thing is I don't want a poly relationship, he knows that I am a one man girl, in the past he asked me if I'd consider scening with a third...I told him I wouldn't mind, but I wouldn't want a poly relationship. The thing was when he told me that this girl was going to live with him, he kept saying that he hopes we can stay as we are...and it felt like he was referring that he had something to hide...it felt like he knew something was going on between him and her but I didn't really say anything except that I don't want to lose him...and he said he didn't want anything to change between us. He has also been the first one to train me, I don't know if that makes anything different.
Well it sounds like you need to make a decision.
Is this situation okay with you? If not, then you need to say goodbye to him.
Don't just 'not talk to him again'. That's just plain rude. Especially since you've spent five months together. If you're going to break it off, then you need to tell him. Disappearing into the sunset is a flaky thing to do.
If it all comes down to what is this woman's role in his life, then point blank ask him those three things above. If he doesn't give you answers you're satisfied with, then you have your answer as to what you need to do.
Yeah I will I am just basically going to do what he is doing, not live with an ex but start to date again...my dom and I never had sex, we just did alot of kinky stuff but it felt very close at the same time. If he wants to tell me everything he can but I am going to give him his space more of, date casually for not until he decides what he wants to do in the process.
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Originally Posted by Pandora's Box
Pandora's box has it right, and so has everyone else who's advising you to communicate. it's one thing to take a time-out to think things over, but if you don't talk, you'll never get anything resolved.
Basically, your friend has given you bad advise. "Avoid him until he says all he's feeling to me, and if he doesn't, just don't talk to him again." Let's think about that. If you're avoiding him, how's he going to tell you anything? My ex-girlfriend pulled this crap on me and it did was leave me feeling (four and a half years later) like things STILL aren't resolved between us. She's moved on, but I haven't been able to, and I may never be able to.
Ask questions -- specific questions. Listen to his answers. Tell him how you feel and why you're feeling that way. Ask again if you aren't getting relevant answers. Don't let him walk away until you've said all you came to say, and you've heard all that he has to say. You may not be happy, but you'll have closure.
And the question you should've asked is, "Is a friend ever wrong?" Yes, they are.
Thank you for the advice, I pretty much emailed him everything I was thinking and feeling, pretty much everything that I've said here so he knows all...thanks again
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Originally Posted by Curtis
Okay thanks for everything, I am happy than I was before to be without him,so all is good within me now;)
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Originally Posted by TeasedWhispers