There is NO substitution for r/l!

A few years ago I was into online and I came to realize that real life not only exists but it is everywhere.
For six years I actually thought it was for the lucky. When I would hear of people going to parties and watching demos and watching anything and everything you can dream of in person I thought how lucky and remote and how scary to be there to see that and how frightening to be the person doing that scene with everyone watching. But it is not scary it is fucking amazing! It is thrilling and wonderful.

Now instead of being the person that simply marvelled at what others had, I am the one giving the demos and doing the scenes that others watch and I am going to help you get that too.

My single greatest wish is that you also realize that you too can be part of the bigger picture. If you thought the buck stopped here then think again. There is NO substitute for the real thing! If you want to find out how to be a physical part of your local scene by all means write to me. I simply wish that for those wanting to have the reality of a r/l opportunity or even a complete 24/7 lifestyle that they realize that ANYONE can have it. Anyone at all.

To find out what your local scene is doing in your particular neck of the woods get a free account at
www.fetlife.com and then take that opportunity to go to the munches which are opportunities to get together to meet people just like yourself and then there you will get that invitation to your local dungeon.

I went from dreaming to reality and I will NEVER go back!

~Mistress Fiera~

When I saw this topic I was actually going to post and suggest people trying out the exact site you said. It really is a great way to ease yourself into your scene,there are tons of local vanilla event you can go to and just meet people then once your comfortable around them you can really learn and experience some amazing things.

Oddly we are in the same city, maybe Houston is taking over fetlife :p

Funny thing is not only did google work just fine for finding real life bdsm groups and clubs long before fetlife showed up to make money on it...it still does...so why bother with the middleman?.

So long as they keep it optional to contribute money to the site and make their money off ads on the site it is all good for me. If they started limited features unless they paid or something like that I would off in a second but the way it is now works well for me. It really is how they advertise it, like facebook but kinky. I like that I can keep up with my friends activities without all my vanilla friends seeing it. It might not be as popular in some cities as others but at least where I am it is great.

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Originally Posted by denuseri

Funny thing is not only did google work just fine for finding real life bdsm groups and clubs long before fetlife showed up to make money on it...it still does...so why bother with the middleman?.

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I heavily doubt hat fetlife makes as much money as, say, Google. At least it doesn't don't show up in the worlds top hundred most valuable companies. ;)

What I don't like about fetlife is that I have to deal with idiot's messages all the time and that people who send me an unsolicited friendship request actually expect me to explain why I trash them.
One of the blokes from where I live said "I want to follow you" when I asked him why he sent me a friendship request. Oh yeah, thanks, but no, thanks...

Apart from all that: Yes, there is no substitution for real life. But online can get amazingly real, too, especially for a imagination junky like me.

Fet doesnt seem all that different from collarme.com from what Ive seen. As for whats real and not...well that speaks for itself imho.

Fetlife is how you hook up people. It is how you find the parties. Forget the friends and forget the requests if it bothers you. I am trying to hook you people up with r/l. The EVENTS section for your city is where you want to look.

For many many years I was on this site and I thought it began and ended here. I thought that people who got to get out there and have real life were rare and special. Now I realize that ANYONE CAN HAVE R/L!!! I am so dissapointed that in all the years I was on this site that no one ever said, yes you too can have this and here is how. Frankly I got back on here just to tell people how to do it. It is not just for some of us. So basically that is my message.

Also, if you think it is anything like collarme then you are wrong. There are no events for collarme just like here there are no events. This site is just for meeting like minds. It is pretend land. Those of us who are living BDSM know that you have to know where the munches are being held so that you can get the addresses to the dungeons. Sometimes you even need to be sponsored like with EROS. That is a damn good group btw. But there are other groups like ClubFEM and HEAT and if you are in Houston like me then you can go also to KAF and SAF and Lyon's Den and even HPEP! People there are so many groups out there you would be surprised and all of the groups I mentioned are in Houston alone. There are even more than that! So just imagine what there is in your neck of the woods.

I hope that someone reading this will find a real experience. That is the only wish I have. I just wanted to tell you that it does not end here and that Fetlife is a way to find the groups and the events where you live. That's all.

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Originally Posted by Mistress Fiera

Fetlife is how you hook up people. It is how you find the parties. Forget the friends and forget the requests if it bothers you. I am trying to hook you people up with r/l. The EVENTS section for your city is where you want to look.

Never needed before, why should it be suddenly a requirement now...all one has to do is google up the name of one's desired city and then type, munch, bdsm-group or club or event or dungeon to get a full listing of whats in their area (as opposed to what is only offered via fet).

I never needed any website let alone fetlife to find the parties and hookup in real life hon....type bdsm munch, or party, or club, or group or dungeon and the name of the desired group and you get a "full" listing too as opposed to just what fetlife has to offer btw.

For many many years I was on this site and I thought it began and ended here. I thought that people who got to get out there and have real life were rare and special. Now I realize that ANYONE CAN HAVE R/L!!! I am so dissapointed that in all the years I was on this site that no one ever said, yes you too can have this and here is how. Frankly I got back on here just to tell people how to do it. It is not just for some of us. So basically that is my message.

Sounds like you didn't fully explore everything there was to offer here then, since you missed all the threads about how to safely contact the real life practitioners in your area.

Also, if you think it is anything like collarme then you are wrong. There are no events for collarme just like here there are no events. This site is just for meeting like minds. It is pretend land.

If you think the library here is just about "pretend land" than you really missed the boat when you were here.

Those of us who are living BDSM know that you have to know where the munches are being held so that you can get the addresses to the dungeons.

Actually most reputable dungeons are plainly listed and easy to call directly and get with their management to arrange and or make arrangements for admission and you don't have to even attend a munch if your don't wish too.

Sometimes you even need to be sponsored like with EROS. That is a damn good group btw. But there are other groups like ClubFEM and HEAT and if you are in Houston like me then you can go also to KAF and SAF and Lyon's Den and even HPEP! People there are so many groups out there you would be surprised and all of the groups I mentioned are in Houston alone. There are even more than that! So just imagine what there is in your neck of the woods.

I hope that someone reading this will find a real experience. That is the only wish I have. I just wanted to tell you that it does not end here and that Fetlife is a way to find the groups and the events where you live. That's all.

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I always encourage people to go out and find real life experience as well...only I don't insist that the only or best way be by going through any one website or commercially orientated third party while at the same time slamming the very site Im a member of and everyone on it.

Though another member said it better in the following thread:

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...767#post869767

" We are: People from every occupation, Nurses, Police, Soldiers, Sailors, Secretaries, more occupations than you can list.
We are people from every walk of life.
We are people from almost all of the nations where BDSM will not get you burned at the stake (and a few from places that would LOL)
We are people that have experience ranging from a few months to 50 years.
We are people who are out in public everyday.
We are people who have never left their bedrooms.
We are people who share our experiences and knowledge with each other and value that access because no one person can have experience in everything.

We are players,
We are lurkers,
We are the homebound living their electronic fantasies.
We are people who care enough to help the new find themselves, and the old dogs to learn new tricks.
We are an electronic family,
We are......

The Library"

For those of us who can see munches at face value, and are smart enough not to go.. FL helps a lot in being able to find someone. But I'm not really a fan of talking about other websites.

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Originally Posted by Mistress Fiera

For many many years I was on this site and I thought it began and ended here. I thought that people who got to get out there and have real life were rare and special. Now I realize that ANYONE CAN HAVE R/L!!! I am so dissapointed that in all the years I was on this site that no one ever said, yes you too can have this and here is how. Frankly I got back on here just to tell people how to do it. It is not just for some of us. So basically that is my message.

********(snipped by delish********

I hope that someone reading this will find a real experience. That is the only wish I have. I just wanted to tell you that it does not end here and that Fetlife is a way to find the groups and the events where you live. That's all.

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I think it's totally good to make people aware of the fact that there are all sorts of outlets to bring BDSM into offline life, but I think it's odd that you didn't know it was within reach. Is this a common misconception? As soon as I learned there was a name for what I wanted, I knew I wouldn't be happy without it in my life. It was an actual goal. I was in an online relationship for years and I knew I'd found the One for me, but I never felt like I wasn't special enough for it to move offline, and I knew that there was a local group. Maybe it's just that the resources I used to learn about kink are no longer as readily available or open, but I never saw this as a fantasy only.

Ask and it shall be given ye, seek and ye shall find. ;)

I suspect I'm on the same train of thought as Delish: is this really an issue or even a common misconception? Of course some sites are geared more toward the online exchange of information whereas some are set up to facilitate the meet and greet - but if you can find one, how hard is it to find the others? Any number of searches and search engines will turn up links and topics and groups galore. Is that really that big of a shock?

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Originally Posted by lucy

I heavily doubt hat fetlife makes as much money as, say, Google. At least it doesn't don't show up in the worlds top hundred most valuable companies. ;)

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The important thing isn't how much money they make, but who pays. Google doesn't charge users a penny.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mistress Fiera

Fetlife is how you hook up people. It is how you find the parties. Forget the friends and forget the requests if it bothers you. I am trying to hook you people up with r/l. The EVENTS section for your city is where you want to look.

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It's _a_ way that you can look up people. I'm guessing that many people here are already connected with r/l scenes to the extent that they want to be. I used to be a lot more active locally, but I'm not really into public use or sharing, and there is a significant portion of people "in the scene" who are kind of gross.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mistress Fiera

For many many years I was on this site and I thought it began and ended here. I thought that people who got to get out there and have real life were rare and special. Now I realize that ANYONE CAN HAVE R/L!!! I am so dissapointed that in all the years I was on this site that no one ever said, yes you too can have this and here is how. Frankly I got back on here just to tell people how to do it. It is not just for some of us. So basically that is my message.

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I'm sorry you didn't know in all those years about munches or local events :( I can imagine how much of a wonderful revelation that must have been. It's awesome when people find things that make them happy :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mistress Fiera

Also, if you think it is anything like collarme then you are wrong. There are no events for collarme just like here there are no events. This site is just for meeting like minds. It is pretend land. Those of us who are living BDSM know that you have to know where the munches are being held so that you can get the addresses to the dungeons. Sometimes you even need to be sponsored like with EROS. That is a damn good group btw. But there are other groups like ClubFEM and HEAT and if you are in Houston like me then you can go also to KAF and SAF and Lyon's Den and even HPEP! People there are so many groups out there you would be surprised and all of the groups I mentioned are in Houston alone. There are even more than that! So just imagine what there is in your neck of the woods.

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My neck of the woods is San Francisco and the Bay Area. Sadly I'm pretty sure San Francisco doesn't have any kind of BDSM scene, and so I will be stuck in pretend land forever. :(

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mistress Fiera

I hope that someone reading this will find a real experience. That is the only wish I have. I just wanted to tell you that it does not end here and that Fetlife is a way to find the groups and the events where you live. That's all.

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Does Fetlife have a membership cost?

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Originally Posted by Austerus

My neck of the woods is San Francisco and the Bay Area. Sadly I'm pretty sure San Francisco doesn't have any kind of BDSM scene, and so I will be stuck in pretend land forever. :(

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Lawl. cannot tell if joke.

Is joke.