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If you are on top have you gone too far and had to step back? Or if you are a sub, has your Dominant gone too far and then backed off with "I'm sorry, I can't do this?" We reached that point, and it didn't end the fun for the night, but it was a pause, a break, a moment that keeps coming back to me and making me think, why too far, why is one act more disturbing than others?
If anyone is interested, or wants to share their own story, I can be more specific.
I'll add a simple understanding from a males perspective.
In time and in many sessions of play, there will be more and more instances when the Dominant will come to be in parallel with the submissive. In those instances and may at times be rare, the Dominant feels the incredible and overwhelming love to protect the submissive. That is in some views "the reality check" of how far to go. Despite the urging of the submissive, that moment will have a line draw in the sand until visited and discussed the next time the dance continues.
I would love to agree with Kore in whole on this, but that's really the hopeless romantic in me speaking and wouldn't be the truth.
Not everyone who decides to go into a bdsm relationship necessarily wants to be in love with their partner(s).
There is such a thing as "casual" play partners, (especially in the fet-ball circuit (not to mention many public access dungeons and clubs) sometimes so casual as to be in the realm of one night stands or public exhibitions with multiple "casual" partners plural joining in or observing and when one is in such usually monitored situations (at least in the case of most clubs etc) and its in a more private setting...things can get outside comfort zones quickly.
Sometimes one or both or more parties can even have been previously comfortable doing a given thing with person A.), and then turn right around and be uncomfortable with the same person in a different session (or even during) or uncomfortable doing said thing with anyone else, or just becuase person X.) is present etc.
I do not have a safeword, and if my partner just threw his hands up and said, "This is too much for me right now.." and left the room... I would curl up in a ball a cry..
This is yet another reason I emphasize submissives journaling.. ..and Dominants reading the aforementioned journals.. You can both have a better idea of where the limitations are if you are in sync with all the thoughts/feelings/desires that are difficult to discuss out loud..
I do tend to write a lot of stories for my Master. Some of them are journal-ish, based on reality and have my thoughts and feelings, which he is said is helpful. Some of them are more fantasies or stories unrelated to what we have done. Some are things I would like to do.
I think Kore is right on. I do not believe he meant love as in marriage and children and all that crap. More like how a man regards a favorite pet. Unless you are really sick you don't want to damage your property or make them want to run away. You certainly don't want to over do it, but a little affection, a kind word, praise for a job well done, a simple caress, helps keep your pet attentive and wanting to please you.
Ksst, what put you over the edge? You sound like you are in a healthy (?) relationship where you can give some feedback to your master.
Bill the Cat- awesome!
But anyway, it wasn't me, it was him. He got out a buck knife and started to run it across my body, my neck. I was not overly disturbed, but was thinking "please don't cut me", not really thinking he would. But he decided it was too much, too scary to him, and said he couldn't do it, put the knife away and went back to the riding crop. Which was fine with me. I have no desire for cutting or blood of any kind.
I'll go with that and you being a hopeless romantic is your truth.Quote:
Originally Posted by denuseri
In many cases, so true unless the object is to find a stable bdsm relationship. If it is stable and 24/7, all the rules have just changed.Quote:
Originally Posted by denuseri
Every relationship is different, but I'm willing to go with Kore's theory on this one. Probably along with ingrained inhibitions we all grow up with. Maybe he'll even go back and try it another time, but really I'd be totally fine with it if he did not.