help for a first time sub

I dally on craigslist to find dates when my love life is lacking and I met an extremely funny man so I decided to meet him for drinks, totally vanilla, nothing expected. We were having a fantastic time and being that I'm not about relationships and prefer occasional one night stands, I suggested we get a room. He agrees and after picking up libations, off we go!

We get to the hotel, check in, and go to the room. We sit and have a drink when I wink and tell him I'm getting into the shower. Before I could get in, he explains to me that he has an issue that makes it so he can't get hard but he has a way with pleasing women. Showers are done and over with and he gently asks me to lay on my stomach. He proceeds to massage and touch every single part of my body except for my bursting loins for half an excruciating order, he then eats my ass and rolls me over. He then rolls me over and proceeds to do the same damn thing on the front, all massaging and not touching AGAIN! I was loooooooooooooosing it.

I start begging (I didn't know how much I enjoyed begging) him to touch me. He finally starts and the next thing I know, he has four fingers inside me, FOUR FINGERS?!?! I've never, EVER had that. He was massaging what I now know to be my G spot and has me flowing and, now I know, squirting. He told me in a forceful, but somehow loving voice to cum and holy good god, I thought I already was but he told me I wasn't finished so he kept going and the next thing I know, I feel like I'm peeing myself and my whole entire body is convulsing in a way that I've only seen in porn! As he's taking his fingers out, one by one, while he's still massaging my newly found G with the insides of my thighs twitching uncontrollably and my ears ringing I start sobbing, sobbing like a baby. This happened two, TWO more times that night!

I didn't expect to hear from him again, and I didn't, but on Friday I sent him an e-mail asking him if I could have him again. He was totally on board and I asked him if he had ever been into BDSM because I had been reading about it all month. He said he had and he enjoyed being Dominate. So, he comes and picks me up for another date on Saturday after texting me all this stuff that I didn't know would turn me on like "Don't defy me, do as your told tonight, be ready for me an hour early so I don't have to wait for you". I was wild and ready an hour and a half early.

We check into the hotel that we're staying at and go up to have a drink. I fully expect to be in for the night but after a beer he gets up and asks me if I'm ready to go. Ready to go?!?!? Come on! I need to feel him again. I go to say something and he looks at me in a way no one has before and holy good God every part of my body wanted to be touched. So we go to this incredibly nice resturaunt for dinner and sit at the bar. While we were waiting for a seat, he slipped his finger into my front pocket and gently massaged that little spot. I look up at him like "Please stop" and he smirks. Smirks! I turn into a puddle of goo.

Somehow, I made it through the most amazing ribs I've ever had in my life and the conversation we were having with eachother and the other people at the bar. I even managed to step outside for a cig with him. All through dinner he was gently rubbing my back in the way I've only seen couples who have been in love for years do and occasionally he would slip his hand between my legs and graze his pinkey finger against the fold of my jeans, right there, infront of EVERYBODY at the bar! I've never been more embarrassed and turned on in all of my adult life.

We make it back to the room and he tells me to be naked by the time he made it back from getting some ice. I hopped to it but wasn't undressed in time as I had to go to the little girls room. He smirked and I swear I thought he was going to up and leave but I think he was happy with what he saw because I had my bra, panties and knee high boots on. He proceeds to do it again! Again I tell you! Again! Holy good God I was cumming and squirting and sobbing and writhing on the bed like I've never done before. Even the last time. He thought ahead and got a room with two beds so one could be for sleeping and the other could be for my mess. I proposed marrige, I told him I loved him, I told him he was a God, all this crazy shit came blubbering out of my mouth as he was trying to calm me down and holy sweet Clark Grizwold house in Christmass Vacation he lit me up.

Here's the issue. I can't think straight anymore. Unless it's about sex and everything I want him to do to me. I've become sex crazed, I'm 33 so peak, here I come! He's asked me to refrain from contacting him as he'll contact me when he's availble next. Normally, this would make me feel dejected and used but with him I feel dirty in the good way and sexy and all nastiness and I love it. I think I'm a submissive and I just never knew it, is this true? How can this be real?

Hi Frankie

This sounds like a wonderful subbie experience! im 40 and didnt know i was a sub until last year when a little light kinky sex went further than we had planned and started setting of a whole loads of really heightened emotions. Now when i look back its clear i always was! This kind of obsessive feeling is very common from what ive experienced and discussed, suddenly you are experiencing feelings way beyond what you've known before, try and keep one foot in reality, stay safe and enjoy it!