The value of Humiliation

i always digg my heels towards anything i do not understand ~ humiliation is no different. i don't understand it...therefore i dont like it.
But i am submissive.
i strive to become more than i was..broaden my kinky horizons if you have......to honour myself and my Dominate in every things i so... i have the desire to evolve and fearlessly submit...so im learning...and at this time and point i would like to explore...Humiliation ~
i read thru this forum again reading about others experiences, what they do and have done too them.
sometimes i think..."erm, mild~ does i that count as humiliation?" others port leaves me stud into silence ...other post made me say out loud "what ans A_hole" but no one say anything about the purpose of this..why is it done?
So is there anyone out there that can share there thoughts or educate me perhaps in:
Does a Dominate or Sadist inflict this only for kinks..or is it something i need? Does it do me any good at all? is it to keep me grounded?

What is the value of humiliation?

My own understanding of the value is it can make the sub blush and that can be lovely (as long as the sub isn't distressed). And I've heard quite a few subs admit they get off on being called nasty things (bitch and worse), or even spat at - it's quite often used in chat on this site between play partners. Maybe such name-calling is what you refer to as mild - but as far as I understand if it goes beyond that point (e.g. to where a sub may start devaluing themselves as a result) that's degradation not humiliation - quite different.

I think others may have a much wider definition of bdsm humiliation which goes far beyond the verbal, so once again it's a question of finding out exactly what someone means if they mention humiliation to you.

Hoping this helps
VV

[edit] And I'm sure you must have come across Delia's artwork http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...or-Humiliation which gives far more information [/edit]

I personally think if you don't like it then you don't need it, unless your dom is into it and you go along to please him.

I enjoy the humiliating/degrading aspects of things that we do, and possibly I am more easily humiliated by mild things than some, but it does do something for me that I can't explain. I don't feel like it devalues me as a person, and there are certain kinds of things that are more arousing and some that would just make me feel bad. Then there are the ones that start out bad and become arousing over time.

The story I wrote recently has a theme of humiliation, the way I see it anyway, and also is sensation based rather than pain. You can take a look and see if you agree.

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...s-only-fantasy...

VeniVici, thank you for that link. That is a really nice in depth treatment. It's hard to explain why something is arousing. I guess either it is or it isn't according to the individual.

VeniVidi, and ksst thank you so much for your input...

ksst...it not that i just want to along with it for Him...i want to understand it...*the kink* in it...i understand pain much easier...BTW ~going along just to please Him...sounds like a bit NO NO to me...??? mmm another topic to talk about


VV...i read the link about Delia post.....like how did i miss that? thank you so much blows a kiss xx

Ok, well, "going along with it just for him" is another kink I really get into. Otherwise there would not have been any anal sex :). After some practice I really enjoy it.

There are a lot of kinks I don't understand, and I don't really need to. It's someone else's thing, not my thing. If the sight/feel of latex doesn't do anything for me, but leather does, well, can I really understand someone else's feelings for latex? Not really, although I can approximate it by thinking it must be like what leather is to me.

So maybe your feeling about pain is what someone else feels about humiliation. It's just hot.

Personally I see humiliation as an art form and when done well it's Da Bomb!

Makes being kinky so much more than just whips and chains.

Like the time my owner and I were out with some of his buddies (no girls but me in the group) painting the town red when we pulled up into a crowded convenience store ... he had me get out of the car and go into the store to purchase two boxes full of condoms while the guys all stood around in the parking lot cat calling and such (we came from a club and I kinda looked like a high end call girl that night in my lil slinky dress and heels) everyone there seeing me in this situation had to be thinking I was about to be in a gang bang of some kind soon etc. I was blushing from head to toe the whole way through and when I got back to the car they passed me around a bit while feeling me up before we left. I was so dam wet after that I literally made a little puddle on the car seat on the way to the hotel.

Heck Im getting wet just recalling the event now. lol

I think the apprehension of it might actually take place used to give me a bigger buzz than the event itself. The tease leading up to what I thought was about to take place was mind wrecking. To see the glint in my Mistresses eye when out with her was gut wrenching, knowing that with the toss of the head the game would be on. Humiliation comes in all forms, and without actually being involved you can be humiliated.

My Mistress one night was talking to a very good friend of mine in a club while I was sitting next to her. She told a story of another person and how he was made to do something outrageous by his wife. The guy was stunned at the story, but I was humiliated because it was about me. I was also put on a high with adrenalin pushing through my body, because at the end she said to my friend that the wife was going to make him do it again.

Sometimes the humiliation is not in the doing but in the build up to being dropped flat.

Be well IAN 2411

foxylady, see if I can answer your question from my perspective (that of a dom). Of what I have read, humiliation is designed to "ground" a person. That means to me, that she thinks or feels like she is so much better than others. Say she is very successful but also feels a great deal of stress as a result, she needs/craves someone to ground her, to bring her down from her feelings and to let her relieve the stress she has. Humiliation does that. It brings the person down from where they are. But used improperly, it may result in her not feeling good about herself.

My opinion is that it should only be done when needed by the submissive. If you end up damaging her mentally (as someone has noted), that takes a lot longer to heal. I can do it, meaning I know the words but I prefer to give pleasure some other way. I prefer the idea of humiliation done in the form of action, such as letting her be a puppy for a time, letting her enjoy the feeling of being less than human but still treasured and cared for. I also love the idea of Ponygirls, the idea of a woman being less than human and used to pull carts/sulkies but most definitely used sexually. But it has to be something that gives her pleasure. Communicating with your submissive is the key to understanding her needs/cravings.

As with many things in the D/s or more so M/s relationship, it is the 'taking of the mind' that is important. The mind and imagination the biggest sex organ.

I find with my subs and slaves that humiliation is part of that 'mindfuck'. It allows them to move from out of the realm of vanilla responsibilities and pressures to the realm where it doesnt matter WHAT I call them, they are 'given over' to Me and My desire and lust. It is very often the 'switch' needed to take that step into paradise where they truly ARE my slut/whore/cunt/cock.

We both know that I treasure their submission and she/he know that I will respect their hard limits.
It is discussed between play times. But during play, their mind body and even name, belong to ME.
Humiliation is a tool I use to draw them from vanilla into my world.
An effective tool in establishing submission.

I have only mentioned verbal humiliation. Bu there are many other ways of doing it.

Remember, there is no right or wrong way. If humiliation doesnt arouse you, I'm sure you can find something else that will work. :P

Well fox lady i think its upto u what arouses u it may be pain love humiliation anything so its not a fixed term anyhow humiliation brings in the love of dom and gets some subs aroused ;-)

I have been a Dom/Master for 14 years now.I would Never feel it necessary to Humiate my sub or slave. I make it a point to make sure I know what HER needs are also

I'm a big fan of humiliation. I know it's not for everyone. I consider humiliation the emotional equivalent of a beating. It can be hard or soft, long or short, with any number of implements. Much like a beating the value (for me) comes from my exercise of power and control over my partner. It's not that I want my partner to be in pain so much as I enjoy knowing I can hurt her if and when I choose.

I also very much enjoy exploring the status gap between me and my partner. Humiliation and worship both accomplish this. Humiliation pushes her lower, while worship lifts me higher. Both result in a greater status gap, which in turn heightens my feelings about and experience of the situation. She can lift me up high while I am pushing her down in the mud, and we can both feel exalted and dizzy. :)

I also very much enjoy exploring the status gap between me and my partner. Humiliation and worship both accomplish this. Humiliation pushes her lower, while worship lifts me higher. Both result in a greater status gap, which in turn heightens my feelings about and experience of the situation. She can lift me up high while I am pushing her down in the mud, and we can both feel exalted and dizzy. :)[/QUOTE]


*sigh*

So good to have You back, Sir... We missed You...

Awww shucks. :)

I agree! Nice to see you here.

I know I already posted up there several times but I'm pretty into being humiliated (by my Master, not random people). It is like a beating, actually I find the whole beating thing kind of humiliating too. Especially in front of other people. Mmmmm.

i have found that the closer my relationship with Him becomes, the more i relish the use humiliation. Not only verbal.

It is as if our feeling are intensified by Him giving and me willingly receiving the humiliation.

Sometimes He would say something to me when we are simply having a vanilla conversation, a few words that would be considered humitiation and well...... Let's just say it could be embarrasing if i were in public.

But i found that i need it from Him.

Just a quick question: isn't the very nature of the D/s relationship one with the undertones of humiliation? Daddy/baby girl........ Top/bottom...... M/s....... Owner/pet....
Is humiliation not the basis of this? Is it not simply the degree of it that would differ from person to person? Or am i over simplifying?

That is a good question. I guess I'd say a definite maybe, for some. But other people don't feel the same way about it that I do. I know more people (submissives) that say humiliation is a limit for them (they won't put up with it) than say they really want it and enjoy it. Women at least. I think a lot of submissive men seem to want it- just guessing here based on what people say on line. But maybe those that say it are either thinking of public or extreme forms of humiliation.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by vicmal96

Just a quick question: isn't the very nature of the D/s relationship one with the undertones of humiliation? Daddy/baby girl........ Top/bottom...... M/s....... Owner/pet....
Is humiliation not the basis of this? Is it not simply the degree of it that would differ from person to person? Or am i over simplifying?

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Oh as much as one may wish to deny it...its a very core concept on a physiological level to the arousal one experiences when on their knees or in some lewd pose being inspected by a fully clothed dominant holding a whip and making comments etc.

I say physiological because the arousal response certain types of humiliation can trigger is not just in one's head.

No, it's mainly a couple feet lower :).

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ksst

No, it's mainly a couple feet lower :).

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According to my sisters that is where a male keeps his brain.

I heard that the male of the species have 2 brains.... But only enough blood to power one at a specific moment in time....;)

Ah - what about the clever males who can eat AND watch football at the same time?

We are all in awe of them... multi-tasking on such higher order thinking tasks..... :p