Writing Sex Stories And Mental Health Issues

My name is Keith and I'm brand new to this. I wasn't sure about posting this on here but here goes nothing. I just started writing sex stories a few weeks ago. I already posted my 1st story The Babysitters Club - The Rape Of Mary Ann. So far it got horrible reviews and I'm currently looking for someone to review and edit my stories to make them better. Anyway, my problem with writing stories like this involving teen rape and torture is that I also have severe mental problems. I was physically and mentally abused by my father from birth till age 27. To show you how bad he was. The last time I saw him which was 12 years ago he was driving me to work with my stepmom who is a pretty nice women. He would always lie about jobs that he could get me. He would tell me to ask for Ms. So and so and they can get me a job right away. When I got to the job and ask for the person, they have never heard of my dad and there would be no such job available. The last time I saw him he told me that he could get me a job at the main post office. He said "There is a guy there that is blind, deaf, dumb, and stupid. If he could get a job there so could you."

Because of him and several other problems, I was diagnosed with Attention Defect Disorder, Manic Bi-Polar, schizophrenia, Depression, Parkinson's, and OCD. I have been admitted into a mental hospital twice. Right now, I'm not on any meds because I can't afford it and there is no insurance available that I could afford either. I've had thoughts of kidnapping and torturing young girls (nobody younger than 14) since I was young.

Does anyone else on here that is a writer or a fan of BDSM stories that have these same problems that can give me and others like me with guidance?

:)
Thanks

Keith

"I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated.........