on switching

Seamedblackstockings asked me to do some posts on bdsm roles, but i honestly have not had the time to sit down an write anything lately. So i'll start with this that i posted on another site:

ok, not all of you know this, but i've somehow gotten a reputation for giving solid advice on all things bdsm...yes...me....go figure. Anyway, i felt that this was important enough to share. A Dominant contacted me a few days ago wanting information on switching, and if i could help him understand his curiosities on the matter. This was my response:

Submission is a funny thing, Jack. Many submissive feel the need to control everything in their lives...home, job, bills, etc. The act of submitting to someone they trust gives them a break from this stress. Now, this is merely a generalization; i'm sure you realize there are many dynamics in the kink world. But i have found from experience that this is true in most cases. Some need only submit in a sexual capacity, others feel the need to give up control in all things.

You need to discover the source of your Dominant tendencies. Is it because you are truly a Dominant? Or is it merely an extension of your need to control what is around you? If the latter is true, you might be surprised at how fulfilling submission can be for you. In all honesty, Jack...there are very few absolute Doms in the world. And there has been only one in my life that i have not been able to turn the tables on....this is because he is one of the few absolutes (i might also add, that this man owns my heart).

This brings me to your curiosity...the ability to be either dominant or submissive, and to enjoy each equally. At the core of this is the critical necessity to be honest with yourself. In your case, being of the male persuasion, there may be a fear that submission might emasculate you in some way. I see this a lot...men who feel they should be the dominant partner merely because they are men. They are cheating both themselves and their partners with this assumption.

Once you have finished your introspection, you can then begin to find the balance between dominance and submission, learning along the way your needs, desires, and what you need to be a whole person. I have two examples for you:

The first is a former play partner of mine...extremely dominant, but with the need to be restrained while being teased and administered pain. This always resulted in his eventual freedom, and a "reclaiming" of his dominance (in a delightfully sadistic manner ~grins~).

The second is a recent submissive of mine. He was a self-proclaimed Dom, and had never submitted before. He was overwhelmed by the fact that the more he submitted, the more powerful those urges became. Now, although he still enjoys the thrill and power of domination, he much prefers to be on the receiving end of things.

Both men are switches, but both have found their balance between both ends of the spectrum. My advice to you, dear Jack, is to simply begin. There should be no apprehension here...you have one life...live it