Wanting Advice

Okay, so, usually I'm the submissive in the relationship and that's the way I like it. However, my husband who acts as my dominant enjoys the idea of me taking control and taking charge. The only problem is that I feel like I can't and also that, even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have any idea where to start. I have huge issues with cussing and with dirty talk. I have a hard time saying words like cock or whatever and while this is hard enough when I can't respond to his requests when he's in charge because he wants me to say such words, it's twice as bad when he wants me to take charge and dirty talk for him using words like that. I just don't know what to do, but I know I desire more than anything to make him happy. I just wish I had an idea of what to do.

I have a few pointers that might help:

1) You have to create your 'alter go' when you and hubby want to play. To create your 'alter ego' - find a name or have him call you Mistress or Goddess. Buy a wig...it helps in the beginning to do this as once you put it on you ARE into mode. Buy a couple outfits that you ONLY wear when the wig goes on. Do your makeup in a different way to complete the 'alter ego'

2) Being dominant means that everything around him is NOT in his control while you're playing. When you're all dressed up and walk in the room Controlling the submissive is all that matters. He may not want to lick the bed post but if you told him to he HAS to or a punishment will be handed down. He has no thoughts, feelings, or ideas....YOU are in control!

3) Do some research. Find out what your husband likes when he's a sub, research his fetishes, and then read some stories on here or online relating to his fetishes to see how you could create that scene for that nights play....ohhhhh find out what his favorite hair color is and get the wig in that color (my ex LOVED blondes..I was the only brunette he ever dated so I bought a blonde wig....ohhhhhhhh he was in HEAVEN during our play! You cant be jealous when it comes to asking him about what he likes... especially wig color. It has no bearing on you its his fantasy thats been with him since childhood.

4) So sit down and write down who and what your alter ego is...have fun with it! You MUST feel powerful and completely in control when you walk in the room so buy stuff you would NEVER dream of buying in real life...something that makes YOU feel powerful and sexy as HELL but breasts, pussy should always stay covered. He doesn't get to see those...he's a pig.

5) Speaking of pig....I have a suggestion for your inability to talk dirty. Sit down with hubby and write down the words he likes and together sub other words for the nasty words. For instance if you cant say 'cock' try 'sausage' or 'fun stick' or 'my stick' so when you are in play the part of 'cock' needs to be said say your subbed words instead. "Is your fun stick getting hard my little piggy wiggy". Create your own 'alter ego' language...do it together as there may be things he likes hearing that you never knew. Also do NOT judge anything he tells you he likes. He's opening up something to you that has ALWAYS stayed private in his little mind. If what he says shocks you just say "Ok" and then have him tell you the details of the fetish, now create a scene or play where you use that fetish. Also write your 'punishment' list. You need to know his 'wills and wonts' as well. If he needs punishment create things that cause comfortable pain (ie wrap a string around his stick and berries and pull down gently - for him it will be slightly painful oh-so-good pain plus he'll be pleasing you that he is taking your punishment.

Being dominant means its ALL about you! If Mistress wants a Burberry Coat before she'll play again let him know...he will want to please you. He should make NO decisions or comments t

6) You DO NOT have to do things he asks you to do. Know the limits of what you can or won't do. Even if he begs tell him "NO!" then dole out punishment because he did not make you happy right then and he needs to learn his lesson. Thats what is all about...making YOU happy!

As you two progress and your more naughty side starts to come out, change anything as needed. This play will take time to build but stick with it and count your Blessings he wants to invite you into play and he didn't hire a 'pro' cause he's ashamed of what he likes.

I hope this helps and GOOD LUCK!!

Mistress Hermenia

That's really good advice.

Welcome Mistress Hermenia to this friendly communitee. Hopefully you will enjoy your stay.

Thanks!

A few years ago I was in a play relationship with a switch . I needed to forget about being a slave (as I identified then) and quickly learn a few tricks.

For me it helped to write out the scene as I saw in my mind. I made a list of all the toys and corruptables I would need and he had to ensure they were set out. I sometimes had a little surprise for him too *grins*.

Also, research helped me so much with ideas! There are great tutorials online.

And remember... Have FUN! That's what it is all about!