My Current Story (BEWARE: Young, snuff, extreme and more)
Hi guys
I guess i should get this out of the way first. If you do not like any of the following codes pls turn back now..
Code:
M/f, M+/f, M+/f+, enema, exhibition, fisting, interracial, Young, snuff, spanking, teen, toys, WaterSport, BDSM, slavery, bondage, HighSchool, humiliation, torture, nc, Extreme, violent,
If you wish to enter a debate about the appropriatness of such material, I have no qualms about doing so.. however i would preffer not to, as I dare say it will hijack this thread and lead to closure :yuck:
I have been writting this story for a while now, havn't updated in ages due to work requirements. but I am also unsure if the story has gotten a little long winded.. or (god forbid) Tedious.
First and formost; this is a HORROR story. Is is exsessivly graphic and it is unrelenting. The intent is to seriously affect the reader, by describing a relativly short period of time in as much exacting detail as my vocabulary and limited grammatical prowess will allow. Hence my fear that it is beginning to get tedious.
BTW: i know the premise isn't original in any sence of the word.. but it is a scenario that has intrigued me so I used it... besides the story is not important.. it is the character development that I have given second priority to, (after the depictions of course).
If you can deal with pages upon pages of gory (very) abuse to underage girls then please allow me the privaliage of a short (or brutal) critique.
Below is a link, and a brief extract (again please beware the below extract depicts acts which may (should) be illegal in your country:
The School Trophy
Quote:
Loli is thrashing and bawling with more desperation than ever. Like a fish out of water she is flapping and gasping, helplessly impaled. Crimson tattoos creep out of her bloodied holes, staining her thighs and legs with a spider web of blood. It flicks off her toes as her legs bounce limply with each thrust.
Still bawling, and now hyperventilating, Loli's cries have become haggard and forced. The terror of the situation is quickly becoming too much for her nerves to handle. Though as much as she wishes for the peace of a coma, the adrenaline keeps her awake, it keeps her alert, it lets her feel every bump and vein; every fold of skin being forced into her rear; the painful sawing sensation of having two cocks fucking into her guts. She feels it all, like high definition rape inside her brain, every grunt and snicker is replayed in her mind in full surround sound exaggerated by her fear. She tries to close her eyes, but her bodies' natural instinct is to identify the attacker. So she has to watch Al looking down upon her like a rabid dog with a new bone. She feels about 2 inches tall, stuck on two 12inch cocks. She should already be sawed in two by now; she reckons.
The man behind her draws his cock back; almost all the way out, leaving only the tip to plug her now gaping asshole. This encourages Al to burrow his cock deeper into the little girl, forcing himself against her cervix. He feels it giving way millimetre by agonizing millimetre, as he grinds into her. Eventually he has worked it open, his meat now rests firmly inside her antechamber. He slowly fucks her like this, delving deep into her tortured womb. Loli rolls her head in confusion and horror as this new sensation ricochets through her nervous system; she nearly whites-out from the overload of sensation. The bliss of unconsciousness teases her, then a steam train barrels up into her intestines. The man behind her has driven himself; with all his weight, back through her ass's defences, the further tearing inside her is obvious to both of them. The damage he has just done prompts him to immediately fuck her fast and hard. Her body jolts limply with every slamming thrust. Each time he crushes into her bowels her breath is forced out of her in an agonised grunt. Deep semiconscious grunts, pushed out from deep inside her pretty little frame. The man loves these animal sounds; just hearing the hoarse sickening noises sounding out of this sweet little girl drives him to frenzy. He pounds her ass for all he is worth; making his balls slap wetly in her blood. Al follows suit, the two rapists alternate thrusts; one in one out, over and over her holes are taken like this for what seems like an eternity. The fire inside her has been built to a white heat, and they know it. Al hesitates for one thrust, and then slams back into her womb, with the effect of puncturing her in time again with the man behind her. This elicits another beautiful scream, like a battalion of banshees; her agony cuts the air like a razor blade. Al wraps his hand around her throat and squeezes, cutting her scream to a muted gargle. He uses her neck as a hold squeezing her throat hard enough that he can feel the larynx cartilage cracking under his hand, then he lifts her body with her neck and slams her down again; impaling her back onto the rapists cocks with a shocking force. Her eyes bulge and her face quickly turns red as she is starved for oxygen. He continues lifting and dropping her like this she squeaks pitifully as what little air she can inhale is squeezed out of her on the down thrust.
