BDSM Tourguide - A Question

sir,

please forgive me for being so forward, but i was curious about how you are able to integrate bdsm into your everyday life. what are you able to do, not able to do with a child in the picture? is the child sheltered completely from that aspect of your lives? i have been doing a lot of thinking about where my own life is headed, and i am torn. i do not feel that there is anyway to reconcile the vanilla (marriage, children) with the...darker side (slavery, sadism). if you do not feel comfortable answering, i will understand, i know i am a stranger to you.

respectfully,
n.

Please excuse my interuption, but there are quite a few folks on here who have children, is this question a general one or specifically for TG?

sl

I am TG's submissive so I figured I would answer too.

Right now we are fortunate. Our daughter is only 7 months old an sleeps a lot. We usually try to do our vigorous activities during those times.

However, there are other, more subtle things you can do while your children are awake such as serving, if that is what you are into. Treat it as though you would if you were to practice while you are in public. Like Jones, Nikka said in general talk about the dancing with her Master. Sometimes the most sublte and seemingly day to day activities can be rewarding such as a task around the house or a reading or writing assignment. There is so much more to BDSM than the mere physical. When you have kids, mental really becomes a blessing and nessesary tool.

And speaking of kids, this message took me about 4 times longer than it should have as I am typing with one hand because mt daughter is sitting in my lap trying to put in her 2 cents worth. lol

Good luck and good question too.

@slavelucy: It was supposed to be a general question, but naomi has her own little ways of interperating things. The floor is open to discussion, I'm rather interested too.

@F_F: Thanks for the reply. We got to talking about future plans and when kids came up, both of us were completely puzzled. I remembered that you and TG had a wee one, so I sent her on a fact-finding mission, sorta :P


good girl.

As far as BDSM things go, a lot of our activities have been put on hold for much of the last couple of years for one reason or another. Whether it was because of being 2000 miles apart, living with a vanilla roomate, living with the in-laws or living in an apartment building and not wanting the neighbors to know what all the whacking and screaming was about. Something has kept us mostly out of BDSM for that time.

Now, we have the baby, but we are trying to get back into our "regular" life, which is our BDSM relationship. So, for the most part, we keep things on the down-low. When we do the "serious" activities, we usually do them when the baby is asleep. Otherwise, she starts wondering where we are and if we don't show up in a few moments, she starts screaming.

Over the next few months, our level and frequency of activities should be increasing. Look for more posts to this effect soon and also keep an eye on the Personal Photography section for further proof.

We will be sure to let everyone know how things are going as we progress through the rebuilding of our BDSM relationship.

... two incidents in this context. One was with my then girlfriend/subbie. One night, her baby - about 2 yrs old at the time - woke up at probably the worst moment. My subbie was heavily tied, and I felt the situation did not really warrant my cutting off all the rope, so when the baby would not stop crying, I took of my fetishwear and went to take care of him. It of course killed the scene, especially as "mummy" was quite vocal about why I would not let her take care of the child.

The other incident took place long after we split up, but since we are still on talking terms she told me about it: her baby - about five at the time - surprised her and her then dom partner, while he was literally hitting the living daylights out of her, saw his mummy crying at was quite disturbed, to say the least. It took them ages to quiten him down.

So, why do I tell you all this? Basically, to give you an insight. The bottomline is: shit happens, you cannot plan for every eventuality, but that should not keep you from planning ahead as best you can and if something unexpected happens, at least one partner should be in a reasonable state of mind to cope with it.

SMartie

We are fortunate as the place we just bought comes fully equipped with a sliding bolt on our bedroom door! So when she is capable to get out of bed on her own, we can have it locked.

However, we are never really all that extreme in our bondage. And TG always ties it so that usually you only need to pull on one or two ends to get fully untied. He is into slip knots. Not only for the case of having children but also just in case I need to be released for other reasons quickly... like lack of circulation.

I like that. I like that a lot.

Of course, it requires a 'cooperative' submissive. Many subs will work like holy hell to get out of whatever you put them in, so for them you have to bring out the 'Houdini' kit, but strategically placed (hard to reach) slipknots are a very good compromise between 'symbolic' (or 'play') bondage and escape artist constructs.

Well, TG will put them in places where I could only reach them with a little efoort. Plus, it is not only for quick release if something happens to me, but to him as well. That way I can release myself quickly.

And I am not much of a fighter when it comes to being tied up. Heck, I actually help him do it! lmao! I will hold my hair out of the way or raise my arms or whatever. Why fight something you like? :)

sirs and miss's,

thank you very much for your responses! they have given me something to think about.

n.

Even though the thread starter directed the post to me, please feel free to jmp in with any comments any of you might have.

with two children ages, 7 and 9, who are very inquistive, Tenire and i have to be very careful and creative about how i serve him.

Usually we wait until they are in bed and we KNOW they are asleep before we do anything OR we make sure they are sleeping over at a friends house for the weekend and then He can do whatever His heart desires with me

We have had those unfortunate circumstances where they will come to the door(they know NOT to come into the bedroom without knocking or without my or His permission) and say "Mommy" (thank goodness Tenire doesnt like to use gags on me..LOL), and when that happens we just play it off, Tenire will ask what is wrong and tell them to go back to bed..

Like TG, Tenire LOVES slipknots!! :D

azzie

ps: a question i would have that is similar... how do ones that are in poly relationships handle children or even relatives??