Your opening
Kelly was on her knees, head bowed with tears running down her cheeks to fall to her full breasts. Her voice was anguished and tremulous.
"I can't do it, Master. I want to do it, but I just can't."
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Your opening
Kelly was on her knees, head bowed with tears running down her cheeks to fall to her full breasts. Her voice was anguished and tremulous.
"I can't do it, Master. I want to do it, but I just can't."
Oh my!
I hope I'm not running out of ambivalence...
Satan_Klaus
First off, i have to apologize for taking so long to answer this. Maybe the mentioned lack of 'ambivalence' after the last story is partly to blame but it is mainly my own lazyness. Somehow I could not get into the story and kept pushing it ahead of me, alwasy telling myself that I would get it done "soon".
I hope you will accept it even though it's late.
This story raises far more questions than it answers and leaves everything open, the beginning and the end. Like a snapshot out of the middle of a novel, it seems incomplete but I hope that it titilates the reader in it's own way.
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Upstairs
Kelly was on her knees, head bowed with tears running down her cheeks to fall to her full breasts. Her voice was anguished and tremulous.
"I can't do it, Master. I want to do it, but I just can't."
Why did it have to be so hard to be his slave? Why wasn’t she gifted like Sheila, why didn’t she have Anna’s resolve? She risked a glance at her sisters who knelt beside her, trying to be invisible before the master’s wrath. His black leather boots clacked menacingly on the tile floor in front of her and she followed them with her eyes, not daring to look up any further as he paced up and down the line of his slaves.
Such a little thing, really. Why couldn’t she do it if she had managed to do all the things it had taken to get here?
She could always go back, a voice from the back of her mind told her. Go back downstairs. Sweep the floors and work the kitchen. It was easier there. And all she had to do was to get up and leave. There would be no repercussions, no punishments that would follow her. All would be forgiven.
It was not the silk dress and the jewels that kept her here. Not the morsels from the master’s plate or the cushions she slept on. And it certainly wasn’t pride that was keeping her; she had left that behind her long ago.
It was the feeling of wholeness that she was longing for. That special joy she had found at her hated master’s feet and learned to love. Learned to crave. It was the certainty that she would find it nowhere else. Slowly, Kelly got down on all fours and crawled forward.
Her destiny lay in the black leather boots in front of her; in the unforgiving sting of her master’s whip and the piercing stare of his eyes.
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Satan_Klaus
What is time in the grand scheme of things. i will get on this first thing in the morning.
nice to see you back
rose
i really like this. You have a deft touch with characterization and internal dialogue. To me this could make a wonderful prologue or intro to a larger work. Lots of good stuff to play with, slave/slave interactions, Master/slave interactions, backstory of how Kelly came to be here from the kitchen, yumminess on top of yumminess. i can envision an entire novel just from this snippet.
Your next assignment will be posted today. Now on to the nits, few as they are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Satan_Klaus
I'm really glad that you like it! I was afraid it was too short and incomplete but now you have alleviated my fears. I just can't burn off a firework of descriptions and adjectives like some of the better writer's here and so my writing tends to get very short. I would constantly have to look something up in my dictionary only to find a word that is inadequate to evoke the feeling that I want, look again, waste a lot of time and lose the flow. I try to make up with a compelling story and throughout thought about my characters. And it seems to work somehow (I'm still amazed).
Like I said, my story is a snapshot from a novel; just hinting at the marvelous content. But I'm afraid it will remain unwritten for quite a while at least. I'm currently writing another story that takes up all the time I find for writing.
By the way; is there something like an editor exchange (e.g.: "I edit yours you edit mine") at the bdsmlibrary? I'd like an author's perspektive on things.
Satan_Klaus
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=13
In this forum, you can either post a story and ask for reviews or just make a post asking for another perspective and PM or email it to the ones who want to help out. There will be someone there who will take you up on it, i am sure.