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I have been a slave for 14 years and by no means know it all but am always happy to help someone. I think mentoring is a great way to help others maybe avoid some of the hard lessons we had to learn or a way to share experiences and give friendly advice.
The only stupid questions or the ones not asked. We all had to start somewhere.
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Originally Posted by mastersgem
It is a shame that some sites foster that kind of no learning environment. I think as a community we have a duty to help those new and not admonish them for trying to learn. People forget that they were new once too. When I was 22 I went to a munch and a submissive that supposedly "mentored" told me to bring a note pad because she only answered stupid questions once. I failed to see how that fostered learning and growth and vowed to never be like that.
Hi hun, I think you've taken my quote a bit out of context there lol - that's only what I thought would happen, being so new and all but never did happen. In all honesty, on all the sites I've been on, I've only found gentle help and guidance from those that are true at least ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Borgs_slave
*smiles looking above*
two different voices saying the same thing, and that's the passion that we carry with us about this program...Hugggggggs to you both.....Thank You...
Karen
*huggles butterfly* you did it!!! great thread sis.......and hello all. i'm 41, currently under consideration (awaiting my collar with heartfelt joy), and have been in the lifestyle for about 15 years.......i too started online before my real time experience. I would like to insert a little caution here that those of you who are new and think that online is just "play", please talk to someone with experience so that you learn just how deeply an online relationship can affect you.
Again, as many have said, ,the only dumb question is the one not asked. Trust me, in this lifestyle......not asking can also be dangerous *soft smile*. Feel free to PM me or yell out in chat. Look forward to meeting everyone.
Tyd
*smiles* Wonderful thread love hugssss xx I too am around if anyone needs me x
Umm well here it is. I'm a 22 year old bi femme, I've lived with my Dom for three and a half years now. Throughout that time we've wavered back and forth between casual and hardcore with our play, since he was going to Grad school when I moved in and I work full time and go to college we have little time to devote to the more carnal pleasures, so we found ways to express our... relationship in our everday life. Nothing so base as I cook and clean and do the whole fifties housewife thing... but just little things, asking permission, and doing something to please him. When I've done something well that moment of pure pleasure at seeing his satisfaction is nearly as good as well... you know.
Anyhow, I've always leaned towards being submissive, some of my first fantasies as I was growing revolved around bondage, although I doubt I would have called it that at the time. I grew interested and fiddled about in the Yahoo chats, it's actually where I met Sir, about 8 years ago. Then I moved here under the pretense of just being friends and he had a couch I could crash on and well... I never slept on the couch. *wink* Anyways... I'm rambling and unfocused so I will just stop now.
*smiles*
"I'm rambling and unfocused"
that, my dear, is the effect of the full moon...
welcome....you're safe here....
Thank you for this thread. Most of you know me from seeing me around. I am relatively new to the lifestyle. I am 35. I am with a Master here who is teaching me a lot about submission, and we are also learning a lot from each other. I look forward to meeting with him in R/L in the near future. Reading the forums has been extremely educational for me. The knowledge and experiences of others have helped answer a lot of my initial questions. The more I learn the more I WANT to learn. I look forward to getting to know you all more and hope that I can contribute in some way to the H&HSC.
I absolutely agree with you here, tyd. Because of the fact that online play isn't face to face, people assume that it isn't real, in the sense that it's only "pretend." That isn't true at all. There is a real, live person in front of each of those computer screens. Online play can very quickly become very real, though sometimes (a lot of the times, actually) it becomes real to only one of the people involved. I can remember many times when my online Doms said or did something that deeply affected me and I would sit in front of my screen with tears running down my face.Quote:
Originally Posted by tydnchaynz
What is really interesting about this site is that we have so many people of varying ages and years of experience, so we all have something to offer. I myself am 47 with 10 years experience (which includes both online and r/l). Like others have said here, we all start at the beginning; we were all newbies at one point and we all have to keep that in mind when dealing with newcomers to the site. I'm in chat quite often, but I also post a lot and there is always PM. So I'm available when needed by others.
When I first joined I was totally inexperienced, just looking for some fun times and some information (not that I consider myself experienced now - but would love to talk to other newbies). I had the attitude it's only OL and felt that it could not be a real relationship. Then I met a wonderful man called Moonraker who, after about 6 weeks of getting to know each other well, was to become my first and only OL dom. He helped me explore my submissiveness, learn about bdsm and um yes about cyber too. He has taught me so many other things as well - from computers to history to politics. Often the things he tells me remain with me throughout the day and I look forward to chatting with him every day. In addition to unscheduled meetings we have planned weekly e-dates, which are absolutely wonderful - wink wink. We like to refer to our relationship as TTWD - This Thing We Do - to remind us that every D/s couple is different with a special relationship which works for them and satisfies both partners needs and desires.
Now, six months later, I can't imagine life without this man, my dom, my friend and my lover:) The point I want to make is that my attitude has changed completely from when I first joined - I no longer think its not real because it's OL. My feelings are real, deep and very much a part of my everyday real life.
If anyone would like to chat or ask any questions about OL D/s relationships or how mine works so well -please feel free to PM me. I think I will be posting some questions of my own as well. Thank you Butterfly for starting this thread, I love to make new friends and share views.
There's some excellent posts on this thread- the point is well made that an online relationship is very real indeed. It can hurt just as much as a face to face one if things go wrong.
I'm in the process of buying an Eternity Collar for a girl who lives far across the sea. I've never met her, but we've chatted a few times a day for 2 1/2 years now & she's very special to me.
I have been in an online D/s relationship for a little over a month now. I have learned a lot about myself in the process. Things I never imagined I would deal with in a situation that has no physical contact. Self doubt, neediness, emotional extremes, happiness, sadness, pleasure, pain. I have run the gamut in regards to my emotions. I have also learned patience, discipline, self respect, respect for others and how to communicate more effectively. I fully believe that this is a real relationship. What kind of relationship? Well it is too early to tell. But I have never for one moment thought of it as a game. When you let someone into your most secret places you have to trust them. Trust always involves some level of emotion and commitment. I could never share the things I have with Him if I did not trust him. I honestly cannot imagine going into some sort of relationship with a Dom online or in real life with the attitude that it is just a game and feelings have no place. Not only is it unhealthy, it is a complete waste of time for everyone involved. I can honestly say that when I first joined this site I too was offered many times to be someone's slave. And there were a few I actually considered. But I think that the right combination has to be there. You can't just hook up with the any Dom you meet just to be dominated. We all have our own unique tastes and you have to find a Dom that fits that mold. Sometimes through trial and error, but eventually when you do get there it is so worth the wait. I am new and learning, so I am not a voice of experience, but I feel that what little I do know is worth sharing! :)
i think thats one of the things that makesthis site great , we do mentor each other here, i am allways willing to learn and grow, and allways willing to help out my fellow sistas in bondage,, heck sometimes ive even mentored some doms, even rehibilitated some wanna be's, but toot toot on my horn does nuthing, its actions that make the difference, keep at it everyone and fyre u are so right to hold out for the "right" dom, or domme,it will be so much more worth the effort, ive seen too many subs limit thier options to learn becuase they glommed unto the first dominate that came thier way and then stopped learning from or having contact with any others (ussually over territory issues) brought on by a jealous dom not wanting to see his sub talk to anyone but him etc, mentorship is the responsibility of u all, its called keeping the faith
Here is a nice article by Jack Rinella. It gives some basic good advice for those new starting out.
http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/L...ming_fears.htm
Thank you, Borgs_slave, the advice in this article is priceless, and this is exactly where it should be included!
The whole site, IMHO, was excellent, especially the section entitled
"submissive or slave", a popular, and often misleading concept...and while it is only one persons opinion, it gives one food for thought....
Great idea butterfly! I am also happy to mentor and or answer any questions.
I have experience with o/l mostly, and can certainly agree it is very, very real! I also have been very fortunate to have avoided the "snakes" at the start of my journey a few years ago. I am lucky to have two wonderful men, Tojo and Warbaby, in my life who have guided me and allowed me to explore my sub side in a safe and loving environment.
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:icon176: Hi everyone!!
hugs and wellcum to the thread mandy
Well, y'all have certainly been mentoring me!
i would like to spread the word to the H&HSC about a meeting that we are planning in order to support survivors of abuse...
It will be held in the chats, in a separate room, on Friday night, June 13. Please PM Denuseri or me with a time that you can be there, if you wish to attend, and we will announce a time for the meeting on the "victums of abuse support for submissives" thread before Friday.
Sorry for jacking the thread, go back to your conversation! LOL
Good luck to all on the meeting, I'm sure it will help many :)
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Originally Posted by stripedangel
absolutely, stripey, this is info that needs to get out too :)
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lol yu be bumpin yu be bumpin , thats so cute,, hey psst, whispers in your ear, thanks for all the support for the submissive support group butterfly, the only reason i didnt post that thread in here is because this section is not open to the public and i wanted all the subs on the site to see it,, hope this catches yu with lots of hugs and kissess
OK, y'all, denu and i will just be available in the chats off and on from 12 noon till midnight, if need be. We plan to just let it flow, so bring your talkin fingers!!
ty for letting me jack the thread once more...huggles!
And that will be tomorrow, Friday the 13th...
xxx
Um....stripey? Noon to Midnight in what time zone, dear?? :d
errrr...sorry...i think denu is eastern lol, i'm central here, so noon central i will be online!
Thanks for pointing that out butterfly!!
xxxxx
Hello all, I am 46yo female, hetero, and have recently realized that I have been a sexual submissive all my life. In the past year I have really gotten into to learning more, reading, viewing the internet etc. This is what I am meant to be. I have no qualms, hesitation, or concerns about why it is so, it just is. But for years I was in a cloud, not knowing what/who I really was, I was living the most vanilla of lives; I don't even like vanilla ice cream! I married a wonderful, but a very, v e r y vanilla man. He is trying to give me what I would like, but the trying is obvious, and therefore unsatisfying. I am into humiliation, submission and not being in control as opposed to being in pain. But try as he may, he is not into it, so I remain frustrated, and stunted. And add to this that in our day to day lives I am the dominant one. He relies on me so much for so many things and decisions, and often I cannot trust him to do as he said he would. There is no respite, even in bed, where I feel that I need/want it most. I have developed a fantasy Dom. This fantasy or imaginary Dom will tell me how to be, what to do, when to submit to the vanilla missionary position, etc. It helps sometimes, but at other times the frustration turns to anger, and I will lash out at my poor unwitting husband. I am committed to this marriage, but sometimes…I wish it were different.
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