family

I am not even sure where to begin here, but my heart goes out to you! i have been in places in my life where my mother has chosen men over me and it is not an easy place to be. I have never been in your situation before, so i will not pretend to understand, however, as a social worker, i have seen similar situations. As a wife with an ex husband that cheated, i blamed myself and the other woman instead of seeing my ex for what he was and it was only after a long time in therapy that i fully understood. As a mother now, my first priority is my son, as it should be, however i know this isn't always the case.

All i can offer is a friendly ear if you need to talk and my support in this very difficult transition. It is true what they say, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. *hugs* Please feel free to pm me if you need someone to speak with.

sincerely,

bluefarie, very happily owned and engaged to Master Archeon

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Originally Posted by daddiesslavegirl

Hi,just letting you know what happened.First i phoned my boss and quit my job then i went home to tell hubby about everything,well i received a severe beating and he gave me half an hour to pack and leave which i did.Next to mum,well i didnt even get half way there,when she phoned me ,hubby had phoned her,i didnt expect what she said.She called me a perverted slut and said if it wasnt for my perverted way of life all this woudnt have happened,i couldnt believe it,she was blaming me,well i suppose it was in a way,anyway she told me not to come near her i wasnt welcome then or ever,so i just kept driving and driving,thinking maybe i should just drive off a cliff or something,i pulled into a layby and cried my heart out thinking why should i ,i may have deserved the beating and my mums wrath but i didnt deserve to die.i just in that layby and cried myself to sleep then went to a hotel.Now im siting in a hotel room in a strange city with no family or friends,what may happen next you may think ,well i dont know,i will go to church on sunday and pray for forgiveness,then see what happens after the holiday weekend.One thing i do know is the support ive had from here has been fantastic,i from now on i will never keep a secret again about what i am.

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I cannot even begin to understand the reactions from your family. But I believe that you are on the road to a better life, and I too will pray for you.

Hang in there. You did the right thing. If that is how your family reacted then forget them, move on. You most certainly did not deserve to be beaten; beating someone is against the law, no matter what the circumstances are.

You will find people you belong with. Stay strong and it will be okay. If you are in a big city, there are places you can go for help, called "battered women's shelters" (sometimes called safe havens). They will provide support and guidance for you, and keep you safe. If you don't know where else to look, just find a police station and they'll help you (you don't have to tell them your name or where you're from or anything).

Just keep looking forward; one day you might look back on this as the best day of your life. <3 -Jenny

thank you all for your kind words and support,i am just going to take things one day at a time for the moment,maybe go on a short holiday to begin with,again so much thanks to you all

take care hun and stay smiling... you deserve better than that and im sure you will have bigger and better things in your life XXX

The truth shall set you free.
Don't care what happens, you can't go wrong when telling the truth.
Honesty is always the best policy.

It is sometimes more convenient to be dishonest, but look at what the cost is long-term.

You did the right thing here, even if it doesn't seem like it right now. You are paying the consequences of your prior actions. i fully understand what you felt, as i have been blackmailed myself. i know how it feels and i know what you thought you were risking.

i also know that when you allow someone to hold such knowledge over your head, you fail to see the flip-side. Your stepfather was also taking risks here. Your mother may not have been so forgiving with him, one never knows.

You were trading your health and happiness for position and possession. Now you are free from a man who (if he wasn't already) would be abusive to you. Your mother may come to her senses and thank you for exposing her sorry excuse for a husband. She is angry and hurt right now, and the words she said may have been just a knee-jerk reaction.

Do yourself and any future women who connect with your husband a huge favor...get photos of those bruises if they are still around and make a police report...and do so now. Even if you have no bruises or proof! Start a paper trail. That jackass had no right to put his hands on you! Do not keep it secret! Do not go quietly, don't think for a second that he won't do it to someone else.

i wish you health and happiness in your new honest life, being yourself! Congratulations!! Good Job, young lady!

thank you again to everyone for your support i now feel confident enough and free enough to now post my profile pic

Honey, you are beautiful! I am so, so proud of you, so proud *sniff*.

you are beautiful i noticed you live in the north of the uk me too.
xxxx

I highly advise one use cuation when putting personal information, such as ones location, address, phone number and yes, pictures with identifiable features such as face shots out there on the internet for anyone and their cousin to do with as they please.

Once stalked, twice shy.

I haven't been on the library in a very long time. And seeing this as the first post I have read is fairly upsetting in more ways than I care to count. I want you to know that you are incredibly strong and that (although I am not religious) between your obvious strength and your faith ,I am sure that you will make it through anything thrown your way. These words seem feeble to me to express the immesity of how I feel. The world is filled with "evil" people but those like you are our hope. Good luck in everything and anything you may do. But from what I've read...I don't believe you will need it. I hope I have expressed myself properly. Its always darkest before dawn.

denuseri=i havnr put my address or phone number on ,as for my ic i dont care anymore from now i am what i am,no more hiding it is all i am saying

Thats your perogative, I hope it serves you well, and I shall pray for your saftey.

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Originally Posted by daddiesslavegirl

denuseri=i havnr put my address or phone number on ,as for my ic i dont care anymore from now i am what i am,no more hiding it is all i am saying

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While i understand what you are saying here, please keep in mind that there are always dangers involved when you put your photo on the net. There is no taking it back. Remember that if you have children, this photo can be found by them, either now or in the future.

Likewise, remember that we are considered mentally ill in many circles. You don't just have to worry about stalkers, in other words. There will be times when you are better served to keep this side of your life a secret. The words of The Gambler come to mind:

"YOU GOT TO KNOW WHEN TO HOLD EM, KNOW WHEN TO FOLD EM, KNOW WHEN TO WALK AWAY, AND KNOW WHEN TO RUN"

This isn't only for card players.

Trust me on this one, it really can come back to bite you. i know that you are excited since you've outed yourself. You feel that people should accept you for who and what you are, or go on and leave you alone. But there is always a price to pay, and you can't even begin to imagine how this can affect the things that you do in the future.

Enjoy your newfound freedom! i am certainly not interested in dampening your fire here, but you really do need to be smart. Stop and think before you act, always.

yes you are right ,im so sorry for being so foolish,thank you

If it's any consolation, I doubt if your stepdad is getting the free pass it may have sounded like at the time. A common pattern for people in your mother's position is to blame the victim in the first shock of denial, but to take a more balanced view when they've had time to cool down and think.

She's going to start asking her husband some nasty questions. "I was helplessly seduced" is not a dignified excuse for a man even if he's believed, and it doesn't carry a lot of weight in the 21st century.

As for your own husband, I may be wrong, but I get the feeling that you already had little commitment to that marriage emotionally, it just represented comfort and material security. You don't say if he beat you before, but you don't sound surprised at this one, so we are entitled to assume the worst. It's not unusual for people with submissive needs to mistake abusers for dominants, and it takes not only courage but clear understanding to break loose from that.

I've lost two lovers who chose to stay in unfufilling relationships for the house and the money, and I still feel sorry for them. You will look back on this as your day of liberation.