Note: I haven't read the other comments, so I could just be repeating another sub's thoughts. Sorry!Quote:
Originally Posted by janine80
I think he's rethinking his position as submissive. Maybe he wants a change in the power situation.
Printable View
Note: I haven't read the other comments, so I could just be repeating another sub's thoughts. Sorry!Quote:
Originally Posted by janine80
I think he's rethinking his position as submissive. Maybe he wants a change in the power situation.
I'm just starting out in the lifestyle, but I'm studying stress in psychology, and its effects are varied and wide reaching. People do experience it in different ways, and it might be that janine's sub is just suffering from prolonged stress.
Yes, on the other hand he may be thinking differently about his sexual desires. People change, maybe his submissive nature was just in reaction to something that has now left. It would be interesting to get more information about the relationship, ie. How long total? How long has he been misbehaving? etc.
Stress is a man killer and it can happen any time and with no notice. It is not that your slave shying (for lack of a better word) away, but know that he should not bring his stress and give it to you. Be patient with him, as just like PMS, Stress is inevitable.
There are times when I too struggle with this. When I am feeling particularly crappy under the weather, stressed I have less of a desire to submit. One such instance happened just last night. I was exhausted the long weekend screwed with me and I am trying to get used to being up at the god awful butt crack of dawn again. I had little to no desire to play. However, hubby had other ideas. It is in my nature to submit to him and I did. However since I was not in that sub mind frame I was admitedly being selfish and only caring about myself the session was HORRIBLE. I did try to get into my normal sub mindframe but I just couldn't get it done. I had NO pain tollerance whatsoever I began crying as soon as I had nipple clamps placed on, the restraints were to tight and so on and so forth. In my defense one hand was too tightly restrained but he did eventually get around to fixing this. Overall the experience was Ho hum for both of us. Hubby while satisfied physically was obviously let down by my lack of total submission and I walked away feeling like total shit about myself because I was unable to fully submit. I appologized about a million times before we went to bed.
My moral is this sometimes people need a little time. It may be only a day it may be a week, depending on the person it may be more. I think it is very important for a Dom/me to have patience with his/her sub. Just because I have an "off" night doesn't mean that I am any less willing or any less eager to serve my husband. It is just an "off" night. I am sure everyone will agree too that we certainly aren't looking for Ho hum experiences if that were the case we would all be "vanilla". I myself am looking for fireworks and I tend to be way more eager to play and serve when I have been given time to soothe and solve my own personal inner conflicts sometimes with and sometimes without the help and or guidance of my Dom.
As it so happens, I've been going through the same changes in losing my submission since my father passed away a little over a year ago. My Wife & I had let things slide, to the point where She even asked me if I wanted to continue to be submissive. I did, but wasn't able to focus the way I should have been doing.
Well the 1st anniversary of my dad's death was this past Monday. After I got through that day it was like a huge weight had been lifted off of me. Yesterday my Wife & I had a very long talk, (at my instigation). I told Her I wanted to get back to where we had been & grow from there. I apologized for not being the submissive husband that She deserved & that I had once been. I also asked Her to punish me this weekend, if She wished to, for my failures the past year. I told Her that I felt I needed to be punished, not just to atone for my failings, but to help me regain the proper focus. She has also become more exacting & strict in managing me, & in providing the proper structure that I need to thrive in as her loving submissive.
Last year was very bad for both of us as to deaths in the family. besides my dad, She lost Her favorite aunt & Her grandmother last year, so we kind of got into a funk & things began to slide. It happens, though not usually as long as it did for us. The keys are communication, understanding, & patience on both the D/M & the sub's parts to right a wayward D/s relationship.
:cool: