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So I am new to the whole bdsm d/s life style and as I have been reading learning and talking to people one of the biggest things that comes up is go slow, talk to people, and learn about yourself so this is me heeding that advise and saying I would love to talk to or hear from subs on their experiences good or bad and what they feel is the best track in starting into a lifestyle that seems vastly different from the norm so please anything you say is helpful thank you in advance
If you're up and online this evening, you could pop into chat and join in the discussion group. The information is in this thread: http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...029#post973029
If you can make it, it's a great opportunity to hear different ideas and thoughts from people in the community.
Aside from that, a good place to start is by learning about safety. Things like safe words, limits, SSC (safe, sane, consensual) and how safety is the responsibility of both sub and Dom/me. Not as exciting as starting off with tales of bondage and floggings maybe, but understanding the safety things first gives you a good foundation in how to look after yourself, and avoid a lot of the dangers and horror stories a lot of new subs come across early on.
im new to bdsm and am looking for someone to coach me through. stuck in an awkward spot.
OK ... so I have a bit of problem. It's a little hard to explain, and probably a great deal daft, but dammit we need content so here goes!
I love being submissive to the right person, but I often have trouble letting my guard down in. I'm always sure I come off as brash and loud and silly, which is true enough, but I suspect it's just a bit off-putting to Dommes. I don't mean that I act bratty or thoughtlessly mind you, just that I don't feel like I'm acting ... you know...subby! And until recently I didn't post much in the forums because somehow when it comes to posting a message here, I feel like whatever I was trying to say gets mangled somewhere between my brain and fingers.
Anyone else have this problem?
@maliha
there are ways to unlearn errecting barriers but think of this: you have learned to react a certain way in a moment when you needed this barrier to protect yourself from something.. you need to consider now: is this the right moment to unlearn it, to let my protection down or do I still need it in any way. I have learned that in a context where I know all others in the room are into bdsm too, I can let my barriers down. It does not mean IŽll be submissive towards all others but that I let them know where I stand and if someone shows interest I get to know them and so become more comfortable around them and decide then how to treat them. Also being silly loud and brash is a way to overplay selfconciousness.. so is there something that would make you feel more secure in a moment like that? Do you catch yourself during this act or after? If you realize that you are acting that way, would it help you to take a deep breath and tell the person youŽre with that you are sorry for beeing silly, but that they make you feel a little insecure? So that they would know to put this into perspective and not give up on you and as a means to let your guard down a little? I know this is hard, but keep trying, youŽre not alone :-)
deigja
Oh boy, do I have this problem. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by maliha3492
It does get better with practice, both the typing and the letting your guard down.
maliha ~
We erect barriers through our lives, ways of self preservation, and depending on circumstance, more often than not for me, specifically overcoming those is very difficult. It takes time, patience on both your end and on the One that you are with. It has its challenges, trust me. The advice i would give in a public forum is that here, in this place, there are people that at some point have all felt nervous about speaking, or interacting with others. It takes time to work past those nerves and build the little push of confidence, that you can do this, and it is safe to be you. As far as letting the guard down and fall for everyone, my advice would be don't be quick to do so. Get to know people and find someone worthy of taking that leap with, go slow, and see what a beautiful gift it is for Y/you both to see those walls crumble.
Huggles and wishing you luck.
Maliha, I'm in the same boat. I'm my unique and highly strange person, and I think alot of people especially Dom's can be put off by it, but I also know that while I'm willing to change some, I'm not about to become mindless. And I just need to be patient for the right Dom, because I know they are out there.
That is how it all started for me. I wanted to be a submissive lesbian. I met my first Mistress by accident. It wasn't planned. She started with fucking me with her strap-on and later she spanked me. She had a demand. I followed that demand. I always had to be naked when at her placeplace.
Becoming a sub was easy for me. I had been in Holland and there I only had one-night stands. So I decided to become a sub. I was thinking that would make it easier for me to find a long-term relationship. I was 22 and I went to Germany. True. There2 I found long-term relationships. My first relationship was with Mistress that was in her early forties. She demanded that I be naked when at her place. I did what she wanted me to do. She organized parties in her house for fellow Mistresses. I was to wear a fishnet dress. Uner it I was naked, so I was fully exposed. My second relationship was with a pretty girl, that was doing lesbian escort. She said, that I could do it too, but she was not encouraging me to do it too. Well. I ended up doing lesbian escort too. With one client.Quote:
Originally Posted by jenbl