Lisa’s Reality is the first chapter of a longer story. Because I shall be rewriting this chapter for Assignment Three, my main comments here will concern the structure of the story. The writing style, however, tends to be a bit wordy and turgid, and my revision will attempt to improve this.

Lisa is abducted very easily. The first sentence suggests that this has happened before without further explanation. Later the reader learns that she was raped, and (because of this?) dropped out of the track team in mid season. Presumably, this foreshadows something that will happen in later chapters, but it is confusing to the reader here.

The chapter ignores the risk of kidnapping a high-school girl, and the intensive investigation that is sure to follow. Having her first raped and released will have left a great deal of incriminating evidence, including DNA. Unless the initial rape is essential to the continuing story, I would leave it out. Lisa will remain captive for a long time. The description of her abduction will not convince the reader that the crime is likely to go unsolved.

The second and third paragraphs describe well Lisa’s slow realization that she is naked and bound with a man present. They are too wordy, and could reveal more of her thoughts and emotion.

The fourth paragraph establishes the plot well. Steve is part of an organization that trains slave girls. It would help to have more information about the organization. The reader is curious about it and its reason for wanting slave girls. The objective is to train a slave girl. The only obstacle is her resistance and the inherent difficulty of such training, unless the police get close. The reader is interested in learning more about the training methods.

The next two paragraphs begin to show the character of the coming training with the stern, but somewhat empathetic, gagging. It is not clear how quitting the track team in mid season is related to the rape.
The next three paragraphs continue to flesh out the strict, intrusive, but also a bit sympathetic, training method. Lisa is a little too compliant as she is untied and led to the bathroom, still gagged and blindfolded. Wouldn’t she struggle a bit? Since her hands are not tied, why doesn’t she try to remove the blindfold?

The next two paragraphs begin to build a relationship between Steve and Lisa. He seems to be more attracted to her than he has been to past trainees, and she begins to feel the control he has over her.

In the final two paragraphs more could be made of her nakedness in front of Steve, who is probably fully clothed. It is cruel to the reader to put off the three questions until the next chapter. It might be better to answer them here and complete the story of her rape and abduction.