I have a continually recurring dark and secret fantasy that is driving me nuts and i'd like to air it out: (concerns a gay male rape so if that's not for you, move on)

I am married with two young kids. I've ALWAYS sought sex with women and have even had a few dalliances after marriage. There is nothing more that turns me on than a good looking woman. I travel a lot in my business and try and stay at the best hotels whereever i am (the pampered executive type, you might say). Of course, I fantasy about the exciting adventures that I could have with a strange lady (and have even done it a few times with a few ladies !

However, I the fantasy that I can't seem to lose and am now becoming obsessed about is as follows: After a particuarly successful business meeting, i'm on my way to the airport, but miss my plane because of traffic delays. Instead of turning to the city for a quality hotel, i decide to stay at a roadside motel because it's close to the airport and I hope to get on a plane in the am, next day. After getting my room, I drive the rental car to the front of my room and start to bring my suitcase inside leaving the door open as i do so. Before closing up my car and the motel door, i hit the bathroom quickly. As i exit the bathroom, there standing in front of me with a shit-eating grin, is a young, tall blond-haired body-builder type in tee-shirt, jeans and a NASCAR hat. He quickly proceeds to close and lock my motel room door as I stand in shock. He then pulls out a large and nasty looking knife and proceeds to tell me that he'll dismember me, separate me from my dick, and, otherwise, inflict much pain (leaving the question of my life as an open issue) if I don't do exactly what he does. . . do I understand? . . . I do and he has my undivided attention. He orders me to strip naked ( I quickly comply keeping my eyes on the knife).

The rest of the evening and well into the next day (forget the morning flight, folks) was very simple for me. . follow orders, period. It was not pretty. The night and day had me: in tight hogtie and other demeaning bondage positions as he drank beer, watched to tube, and took photos of me with a digital camera (they would come home to haunt me, read on). For variety, he' would untie me, set me between his legs and forced me to suck him off while he watched t.v. I was fucked and sucked (i swallowed, it seemed to me, gallons of cum. . it was like he was Viagra or something!) whenever,whereever and however he desired. He would also message my cock until i started getting hot, but didn't wouldn't let me blast off until I, literally, begged him for it (that's about as low as you can go, i guess). He finally let me go the next afternoon with a warning about my family (he had my address), and the photos (do you really think that I would have told anyone about my complete degredation. . i think not) . . . six months later a set of potos showed up at my office. photos of me in various "compromising" positions (a few with me smiling !!). An attached note indicating the date and time and location of my return (with $5,000.00 in blackmail $$) for a return "engagement". What to do? What to do?

I've always considered myself "straight" but i can't lose this dark fantasy. I'm bothered and confused, but have to admit that i remain on the lookout for Mr. Daytona 500 and hope that i can catch up with him (or is it the other way around??) on an upcoming trip.

My mind goes back and forth: Gay, or straight (or both?????) maybe i should hit a shrink. . . or better yet I trip to a NASCAR event.

tx for reading. gogo