ladies and gents, thank goodness this lifestyle has no "right way" or "wrong way" to do it, cos we just effed it all up....

in the early part of this year, kate and i verbally agreed to a written agreement where i top. our wording was "pet" and "owner" and we felt our own way around in the dark so to speak. we learned a lot about ourselves and about each other. it's been really sweet and cool and hot and all that.

two weeks ago, a stressful event arose. i was pretty wierded out, and our discussion took an unexpected turn. long story short, i dared kate to top me. i mostly wanted her to see how hard it was to be a consistent, fair, and affectionate top, but i wanted to show her how 'easy' it should be to be a bottom. i've allowed myself to make suggestions and recommendations along the way for her, and she not only allows it but encourages and appreciates it.

we made a breakthrough today. i've been 'acting up' and neglecting tasks, kinda hoping for a punishment. it's been mostly a game for me so far. then this... she shares how upset she gets when i don't finish an assignment, especially if it took considerable thought on her part to come up with. she also does not enjoy giving (or coming up with) punishments. it opened my eyes, and sparked a huge, wildly exciting conversation.

at the end of the day, we agreed to continue with her as top, with certain allowances. without going into hairy details, some of my prior ongoing assigments (for her, from me) will continue, but essentially as requests from me instead of assignments. this allows her wriggle room without seeming disobedient. it also allows her to still 'let go' of certain stressful aspects of her life without introducing new stresses.

i love that she feels free enough to discuss her discomforts, and we're working through them. all in all, we're both happier.

if you had asked me a year ago if i would ever be comfortable as a bottom, i would have called you crazy. even a month ago, it was completely inconceivable to me that this would be possible in any situation or circumstance. tonight, i can't ever imagine going back...

go figure!

thank you mistress, for letting me post this.

PS - changing my avatar was not only her suggestion, her wish, and her desire, but one of my first official assigments.