'k, me again...

I've noticed something and was wondering whether any of you have been in a similar situation. *takes deep breath*

I did a task at the academy a couple of days ago that really had me in a state for a bit. Didn't realize it until way after the actual task was over. It was a short but hot task - all about public humiliation. *blushes* I pretty much showed off my ass in public...well, to the r/l, vanilla public, for a change.

I was nervous as hell about this but also friggin hot, lol. Everything went fine, no accidents, nobody beat me up...hell, nobody even laughed about me openly. So, all is fair? I thought so. Yeah, I was high on adrenaline afterwards and it lasted until I finished the task at home and wrote my report. Then the wait began...

Something went off track between finishing the task and speaking to Master later that night. I suddenly felt alone, dirty somehow, wondered why the hell I've been doing this task in the first place, doubted my sanity, lol. In short, I waited for feedback, for someone to tell me I'm still loved and respected... The moment I heard this from Master later that night, everything was alright. I'm still a bit shocked at how much I loved this experience and haven't quite digested it yet, but I didn't feel confused and lost anymore.


Now, I've been thinking...is there something harder to digest about a humiliation kink? Is it such a challenge to come to terms with it (outside of the BDSM context when facing the 'nillas) because it's something we'd never accept or feel good about in a 'normal' context? Because it's about stuff 'you just don't do'?

Anybody else has this kink and has found it a challenge to come find your peace with it?

Silke