So I’ve been seeing this great guy for about a month. From what I can see we’re a perfect match all the way around – vanilla interests, lifestyle issues, overall just a great fit, dare I say perhaps “the one.” The only problem thus far is the distance, not real cross-country-life altering distance but a 2 hour drive and given both of our busy lives that means getting together every 8-10 days or so. We started off very vanilla and our last time together clearly discussed and confirmed our respective Ds roles. I’m fine with it, no – happy with it. It’s not my first Ds relationship so I know what I’m getting into, my problem is the insecurities that go along with “falling into the sub role” – you know the insecurities that go something like “omg, what did I just admit I enjoy, could that be what makes him think maybe I’m too kinky for him.” (Total paranoia I know, still though…) Overall, it’s hard for me as a sub/slave to accept that someone loves me and WANTS me because of those very roles that I hide so deeply from the rest of the world. I’ve tried to explain this to him but he doesn’t really understand and I just come off as needy and insecure which is not my goal. I know it’s something I WILL eventually get past and I know he will help how he can I just don’t know what will help me. The distance surely doesn’t help as I know things would be different if we saw each other more frequently not to mention the days between seeing each other can be tedious in trying to find time to have a normal conversation. So on one hand I’m supposed to be embracing the sub/slave in me and sharing it with him then I’m supposed to pack away that role and be the supportive, patient, understanding, independent, vanilla girlfriend that is totally ok with going 3-4 days without talking to him-- talk about difficult. I tried explaining what I was thinking and feeling but he didn’t really understand, obviously not so much the ‘in tune with ones’ emotions type' – ok everyone has their flaws.
I guess this is more of a vent, looking for support -- “been there done that” words of wisdom than anything else. It’d be great to hear how others got through it, what worked for you other than time ? I feel in the end it will all work out, it's just these beginning steps that are always so hard to overcome.