Maybe it is because I am new to the world of kink. Maybe it is just because of my personality and culture. Maybe it happens to others too.

Sometimes when Mistress is beating me really hard, I come into real mental conflict. On the one hand, I know it won't do lasting damage and I'll be fine in a little while. On the other hand, it really hurts, deep pain, and I think about using my safe word to stop it. But then again, I don't really want to use my safe word, because that is like losing against myself and it isn't fully submitting my body to my Mistress. But yet again, maybe the act of using a safe word is the ultimate submission or bond, etc.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of internal conflict? Any pointers on what works best (for you, I mean)?

Thanks, WR