Because spring time brings so many new members to the site, I just thought this was a good time to bring up the idea of patience. Many threads on many BDSM sites deal with the same thing: "the quick fix," fantasy partner. Everyone wants that instant-o-sub or instant-o-Dominant, or that "perfect relationship"--you know the one--they're in every story, every porno. But you know what? It NEVER EVER happens.

Life is life, no matter whether it's o/l or r/l. People are real people--they are dynamic, they are quirky, they are multi-faceted. Someone's submission or dominance is one facet of their life--but it isn't everything. So many times in the chatroom I have seen people "hook up" with velcro collars (i.e. ones that come on & off so fast the buckles can't even get close) and more times then not, it's simply because they didn't look past that "quick fix" idea of just having someone. They forget that the person they getting together with is human, just like they are--they have a life outside of the site, and aren't the perfect image of anything--they are merely who they are. Once the novelty of the fantasy of who the person is wears off, and they realize that the other person really is just a person, they split, and go in search again of that "instant/quick fix."

Many people look at Torq & I and believe that we have the "ultimate fantasy." We met here in the chatroom, we are now 24/7 and both feeling like we have found paradise. We have been together almost 3 yrs now, and each day is a new challenge & a new adventure for us. Has the road been smooth? Of course not. Unlike the fantasy stories, I didn't move in and suddenly find myself in the basement dungeon, being beat and whipped (well... coughs... not all the time). Life is still life--He has a job (*gasp* I know! Torq doesn't just sit at home all day processing stories & reading posts!), and I go to law school (I know, I know, I don't crawl around all day on my hands & knees cleaning...) We pay bills, we run errands, we hang out with friends & family. We are normal people.

My point is this: there is NO "quick fix" and there is no fantasy partner. It took Torq and I a long time to find eachother, and we both feel lucky to have collided in time and space. Searching for the "right one" isn't something that happens over night, it isn't something you can get frustrated over or give up on. However, you HAVE to keep searching until you find "the one." Why? Because you are worth it. Because you deserve it. Don't settle, don't jump into something just because in the heat of the moment you want someone on their knees at your feet, or you want to be at someone else's feet. Take time to get to know someone, to learn what they are like o/l and in r/l, to know what their friends & family think about them, to know what life will really be like beyond the velcro collar.

Patience is a hard thing to have, especially when it comes to finding a partner. But you owe yourself the journey--don't sell yourself short, and don't give up. There are a lot of craptastic Dominants & subs out there, and you have to wade through them to find the right match for you. The right match for you isn't necessarily the most popular person, or the person that all your friends like---it's the person that best fits with you.

So here's to spring, and hoping other people take the time to find paradise, like I did.

Have fun, play safe.

delia