In considering whether I could be content in a poly household, I had been getting my information from largely vanilla sources. True, pansexual is pansexual, but the 'original' poly relationship seems to be patterned on the communes of the hippie era. Everyone in that kind of poly relationship seems to have long, unkempt hair; wears homemade clothing and eats organic foods. And heaven forbid that a family member should spank another's deserving tushie for forgetting to compost that banana peel. (Save the flames; tongue is firmly in cheek.)

From observation & book larnin', it seems that polyamory in BDSM is quite a different beast than the rainbow household which originated in the Woodstock era. In a vanilla poly home, everyone has equal say, everyone takes turns, everyone is entitled to have the same amount of sex with everyone that every other person has. In theory. In a BDSM poly house, each person has a clearly defined role, a pecking order. Different levels of authority, different responsibilities, and different rights to sexual relations.

Thinking about this gave me a renewed interest in poly. I could certainly prosper in a poly household based on BDSM, even one which included another dominant, as long as each person's role in relation to the others was spelled out. I think we all--dominant, sub and switch--just want to find our place in the world, and in our family.

Does anyone else see any differences between vanilla & BDSM poly houses? I haven't talked to all that many poly's, so I could use more input....