I'm a woman in my 30's, an athlete, a professional, a college graduate, very comfortable with my life & who I am. I am confident, assertive, aggressive, competitive, with a bit of a wild & violent side. Nothing that can't be controlled with full-contact sports, martial arts, the occassional time spent in a nice mosh pit. With all that I am, I still don't understand how I ever ended up in a submissive situation.

It started out with a guy I knew, what I thought was a 1-night hookup after happy hour one Friday but that wasn't his intention. I have no idea what he saw in me that would have given him any indication that I would end up where he wanted. It went from being a nice, comfortable casual friendship with benefits into a full-blown dominance struggle. Not life or death survival but definitely a fight. And a fight I lost, which had never happened to me before. Not that I haven't had my ass kicked in a fight, of course, I'm not invincible, but I've never been out-alpha'd by anyone before, ever.

Once he'd proved that I couldn't take him, that he could compel my submission, he backed off, said that he wouldn't force it from me but that I had to give it to him willingly. I, of course, was absolutely positive that would never happen, but it did. Over the span of 2 years, he took me from fighting to accepting to liking to wanting to complete surrender. The sex was absolutely incredible, lasting for hours, me cumming more times than I could count, him teaching me & doing things to me that I never would've imagined. He's blurred the line between pleasure & pain to the point I sometimes can't tell where one begins & the other ends. And when he told me that I was the best sub he'd ever had, I was ridiculously happy.

But he moved away, took a new job, and I've only had 1 brief email & IM exhange with him in months. I don't understand how I ended up in a submissive situation, how I could like & want it, when it's so not me in every other aspect of my life. I don't know anything about most of the things I've read about on this forum since I stumbled across it this week - limits & safe words & role designations & rules on how to act. This is something that I never wanted, never sought out but now I feel almost lost without it.