Hey y'all,

I guess I just need a place to ramble right now. *sighs* I'm not really looking for anything, it's more like an open diary entry or something...just something to keep me busy.

Maybe I'm just spoiled, but I've gotten so used to talking to my Master daily, for hours and hours, either just having fun chatting, or playing, laughing...those are the happy times of my days (or rather nights, lol). Even to just see him online when we are too busy to chat more than a couple of minutes makes me all warm and tingly inside. It feels like coming home.

Well, recently we've both been busy and pretty much didn't talk at all for a week while I was away working. Then I got back home, only to find that now he's the one with virtually no time on his hands and God knows how long this will go on. All we've shared since were a few short messages and I miss him so much, it hurts.

I'm sticking to the rules and routines he's set for me as best as I can and on good days it's comforting and I can feel him with me through that, feel that he's close. On bad days it's a struggle...it seems pointless somehow and I'm just lonely. When I'm on one of those days, everything just seems grey and empty and everything I need to do becomes a struggle. I don't think I've ever felt so incredibly happy and whole or so devastatingly lonely in any 'nilla relationship I've been in. It's like I'm missing a part of me when he's gone. Hell, I've cried myself to sleep the other day over this special man who I've never met in person.

I guess that's the price to pay when you give yourself to someone else with all you have. He owns my heart and soul and I need him with me to be whole again. But I'll pay that price gladly for all the wonderful feelings I've had and will have again with him.

I love you and I miss you.

Silke