I posted this on another forum, but I thought I'd add it here as well seeing as we discussed this in the chatroom recently and I might as well open it to a wider audience. Also seeing as I made my first post last night I think I'll make my first thread this morning:

I'm not asking for a general explanation of what a safeword is for here, rather a discussion on the different roles they have for different people. In the last few days I've spoken to a number of people about this, and some of the things they have said have interested me, while others have disturbed me, so I thought it would be good to open the floor and see what people think of the concept of safewords.

I'll give some background information to make myself clearer.
I'm in a 24/7 Master/slave relationship and so the way I view safewords will most likely be different from a person who is only into short 'play' scenes. In my relationship, a safeword is not used to say 'I don't like this' or 'I don't want to do that'- as a slave I am expected to submit to my Master's will even if I don't like what he is asking. If I ask respectfully I will always get the chance to voice my concerns but ultimately the decision is not mine to make. Instead the safeword means 'I am in danger, stop'. For example, I may use it if my bonds had become twisted and were cutting off my circulation, or if my breathing was becoming restricted. Occassionally, in extreme circumstances I may use the safeword for something I think would damage me psychologically, though I never have. I think this would be more relevant if I had a history of sexual abuse or similar, in which case something in a scene could accidentally trigger an unexpected emotional response. This doesn't apply to me, so the only situation where I may have to use a safeword for reasons other than physical danger would probably be if he did something which violated the whole basis of our relationship and it's limits (eg. if he tried to involve a child in a scene, to use an extreme example).
If a safeword is used, everything stops immediately and my Master does whatever is necessary to get me out of danger. We would then talk this through and find out what went wrong. A safeword is never taken lightly as it generally means something serious has happened to cause a problem. Equally there is no shame on me for using a safeword- there is no expectation for me not to use it to prove how submissive I am and in fact it is very important that I do not hesitate to use it when needed. In the same way I would never use the safeword lightly or when I didn't feel it totally necessary.

I have heard many people say that they do not allow their submissive a safeword during a punishment. I can understand the reasoning behind this- a punishment is designed to punish, the sub should not be in control and it should be unpleasant. Also the punishment is 'earned' by the submissive's behavior and as such they have forfeited their right to use a safeword. This however alarms me slightly, as what would happen if the circumstances suddenly changed? What if the sub were to have a panic attack/heart attack/allergic reaction or any number of other things requiring immediate help, and the dom wouldnt allow them to stop and explain that they needed help? It can be argued of course that it is the job of the dominant partner to be aware of dangers and make a judgement call but it seems to be a simple mistake could result in all sorts of damage being done. My safeword is still valid during any punishment for this reason, although it has always been made clear that it isn't a get out clause. If I needed to safeword, the punishment would be stopped and any problem would be solved. I would then be expected to resume my punishment, though he may change the nature of it if it seemed necessary.

Understandably, different relationships have their own dynamic and so their own interpretation of a safeword. If I was playing more casually with a partner then it might be acceptable to use a safeword if I simply did not like something I was being asked. Also if the participants have not played together many times before they may be less aware of each other's emotions and less able to judge the scene.

So with all that in mind, these are the general points I'd like people to consider
- What do you consider an appropriate use of a safeword? Is this a hard and fast rule or does it depend on the partner and situation?
- Is it ever ok to not have a safeword? Should subs be able to safeword in a punishment?
- Does a safeword automatically stop a scene? Do you instead use it as a break to assess the situation or continue in a different direction? Do you have more than one safeword to denote different things?
-Is the safeword effective? Have you ever encountered a situation where a sub may have needed to safeword but was unable due to being in too much pain/emotion/ in sub space to remember or even think of it?
- (To the subs) Have you ever felt too ashamed or embarassed to safword? Have you ever been pressured by a dominant partner not to use it, or been made to feel bad or 'not a real sub' if you did?

Sorry for an extremely long post. Just looking to open up an intelligent discussion on a concept which is often thrown around and taken for granted in places like this. Thoughts from anyone are very welcome, and don't feel you have to answer all of my many questions!

jen