Merging different interests in play.

[LordGrizzly]

I have noticed more and more these days that many people discovering the lifestyle aren't into pain, it seems that sensation play is becoming more and more popular. Many of those of us longtimers in the lifestyle are more geared twards pain. I do however notice that we can agree on some types of sensation play as a compromise, such as electrical play or fire play. I am wondering if anyone else has run into such situations or has an opnion on them, (and I do know everyone has an opnion).

[Flaming_Redhead]

The lifestyle encompasses more than just sadism and masochism. People who are into bondage aren't necessarily into receiving a lot of pain. I'll use myself as an example since I really like bondage. Simply being in a pretty rope body harness can make me feel all floaty. Of course, I expect some cruelty. I mean, c'mon, I'm helpless! It's part of the thrill. People who are into domination aren't necessarily into giving a lot of pain. They want control more than anything. The list goes on and on. I believe you can be a dominant without being a sadist and a submissive without being a masochist. Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks!

[Ozme52]

The lifestyle encompasses more than just sadism and masochism. People who are into bondage aren't necessarily into receiving a lot of pain. I'll use myself as an example since I really like bondage. Simply being in a pretty rope body harness can make me feel all floaty. Of course, I expect some cruelty. I mean, c'mon, I'm helpless! It's part of the thrill. People who are into domination aren't necessarily into giving a lot of pain. They want control more than anything. The list goes on and on. I believe you can be a dominant without being a sadist and a submissive without being a masochist. Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks!

Serves me right for multi-tasking... letting Red beat me to the punch.

[Flaming_Redhead]

Serves me right for multi-tasking... letting Red beat me to the punch.

Naa naa naa boo boo! *makes a silly face and runs off giggling hysterically*

[Ozme52]

More and more these days?

When has there ever been a direct link between bondage and pain. Between discipline and pain. Between dominance and pain. Between submission and pain. The only parts of the lifestyle that overtly imply pain are sadism and masochism.

Most will probably agree that there are a lot of overlapping areas. But certainly never a requirement.

[angelic.zest]

As for me, im not into alot of pain nor do i really consider myself much a masochist, im more a sensation, teasing slut, more then a pain slut....i guess it depends on the couple what really makes them tick, what turns them on or off. i know what turns me on and what turns on my Dominant and we play off each other, and its great!...as Voodoo_child said..."different strokes, for different folks"

[Ozme52]

<<== checks itinerary for next summer. Yes... Georgia IS on my route.

[annie]

I don't think LG is saying that there is anything wrong with different types of play, etc. I think what he is trying to get at is that there seems to be more participation now in some fetishes then there perhaps was years ago.

I think part of the reason it may seem as though sensation play is growing is simply because any information about BDSM and M/s is now more readily available. In the past there was a small limited amount of information to the general public, especially the vanilla section. And what was shared with them most of the time was through main stream media, which had a slanted view so most of what was presented was the image (mental/visual or otherwise) of a Dominate in black leather with an instrument of pain and a submissive cowering at their feet, tied so there was no escaping. So, pain was the more common image of what a BDSM relationship involved and those who weren't into pain were less likely to come forward and say... "I enjoy Domination by xyz" or "I enjoy submission with xyz." They may have known they had a "kink" but would never had associated with someone without that exact same kink or kept it hidden for a variety of reasons. With information more readily available and shared it seems as though a certain section is growing when it was probably there all the time.

*Sort of like underage pregnancy... it occurred 100 years ago but it was kept more secretive, etc.... so it appears as though numbers may be higher now but are they really, or is it just more knowledge is shared about them?*

For my 2 cents it is all a matter of information. How much is shared and when it was available.

**And that is just an example not to be taken as a tangent to this thread or discussed here... although if someone wants to discuss it in feel free to take it to the correct subforum! Thanks!

[Moonraker]

I don't think LG is saying that there is anything wrong with different types of play, etc. I think what he is trying to get at is that there seems to be more participation now in some fetishes then there perhaps was years ago.

And let's not forget that the spread of the internet with sites like this and bdsm not being as taboo as it once was means more people involved and a broader spectrum of tastes. Personally I can't see myself turning up at the local BDSM club in my black shirt to watch somebody getting flogged. I am therefore one of the new category my dear friend LG is refering to.

[LordGrizzly]

Interesting takes, should have boiled the question down alittle farther I suppose. Simply put..When you meet people into different things but are intterested in "playing" with that person how do you handle it. Thanks for the attacks though sure made a new poster feel welcome.

[yummy64]

Interesting takes, should have boiled the question down alittle farther I suppose. Simply put..When you meet people into different things but are intterested in "playing" with that person how do you handle it. Thanks for the attacks though sure made a new poster feel welcome.

I'm been in the situation a few times where I've wanted to play with people who have different base interests than I do. Basically we sit down and talk and work out something that will work for us. I had a few sessions with Doms (Tops?) into rope when I was with an Owner who was not into bondage at all. I was able to experience some neat things that I'd have not otherwise experienced.

I've never had the experience that after some negotiation a scene agreeable to both of us could not be worked out.

[Ozme52]

Interesting takes, should have boiled the question down alittle farther I suppose. Simply put..When you meet people into different things but are intterested in "playing" with that person how do you handle it. Thanks for the attacks though sure made a new poster feel welcome.

What attacks? You stated an opinion, asked a question, soliciting and receiving opinions.

Second, this is a wholly different question... If that's the question you were really asking... I guess I can see how you might think you were being attacked.

[Polaris]

I'm not sure if I understand the question correctly, but let me add my two cents nonetheless -- feel free to disregard them if it's just ramblings

Personally, I don't see a big problem in having interests that are not perfectly congruent. I mean, BDSM is such a wild field and everybody is different -- I might have some things on my toplist that others don't, and maybe in the long run this will cause problems in a relationship...but it is equally as likely that I come to expand my repertoire -- if I may put it like that -- and learn to appreciate something I didn't like before. Delia put it perfectly, I think. Yes, she did

I think it also depends very much on the situation. Does the other person want things that are completely "out there", meaning that it's absolutely not compatible with your own kinks? In that case I'd say playing with each other doesn't make much sense. However, I'm sure that in most cases there is something to explore. Again, as Delia said -- communication is key. Sometimes it's inexperience that is blocking the way. I know for myself that I have, by now and under the wings of one or two lovely doms, gone much further than I ever intended to go. I loved every step of it, and I wouldn't want to go back. I'm rambling again, ain't I?

Anyway, just my two cents.

[Euryleia]

I think communication is key. Only by discussing what each of you likes/dislikes will you be able to figure out which expectations can be met. Like any relationship, sometimes compromises are required.

For example, I'm not into giving or receiving pain but I love D/s and BD. It was only through regular check-ins that I was able to feel comfortable giving my girl the heavy spanks she needs to reach sub space. Talking together, while playing together, we were able to achieve mutual satisfaction.