Razor's Character building course 401

[Mad Lews]

There seems to be two types of fiction stories out there, plot driven and character driven. In the later version you build a few characters and set them loose. The story follows their whims. These tend to be long ones, lots of trilogies, huge novels, and endless series are there result of an Author falling for the characters he/she created.

So for your next trick I want you to build two main characters, (protagonists)
here is what we need for now.

1)Name and nickname
2) Age
3) Gender
4)Ethnicity
5) social class/time period
6) Occupation
7) Education
8) Hobbies
9) Musical tastes
10) favorite books/TV shows
11)Favorite food
12)Favorite drink
13) living arrangements
14 marital/relationship status
15) dress style
16) peculiar habits and mannerisms (at least 6)
17) strengths (4 prioritized)
18) weaknesses (3 prioritized can overlap with strengths should be compatible)
19) what does he/she want most?
20) what is keeping him/her from getting it?

[Razor7826]

Howdy. I've seen this and will get started on it soon. I've always found an idea that would work rather well for any number of the publications listed earlier, and wrote the first 1100+ words of it. That may come to fruition within the next week or so...

[Razor7826]

Here you go. I've finally gotten back into the swing of things, though I still have sooooo many unfinished stories laying around that progress on any particular friend is start and go. I've posted a very short edition to the Bad End series on The Library, but it hasn't been posted yet.


PERSON ONE
1) Juliana Henry
2) 22
3) Female
4) Caucasian, half-Irish, half-English
5) Middle-class, mid 1960’s
6) College Student
7) Months away from her college degree
8) Dancing, reading
9) Classical
10) The King James Bible
11) Chicken
12) Red Wine, though her parents would kill her if they found out.
13) Living in a dorm room with one other woman
14) Single, but enrolled in college to snag a man.
15) Extremely conservative. Rarely shows any skin below the neck.
16) peculiar habits and mannerisms (at least 6)
-Always reads the recommended chapters before showing up at lecture, leading to frequent class participation.
-Always rereads material, twice (yes, that means three times total)
-Obsessively proofreads her papers.
-Very old fashioned in that she expects men to hold doors and pay for meals, even if they aren’t dating.
-Constantly seeking her parent’s approval, though she achieves it by only granting glimpses of her life.
-Always completes her homework on time


17) strengths (4 prioritized)
-Faithful
-Intelligent
-Polite
-Cheerful

18) weaknesses (3 prioritized can overlap with strengths should be compatible)
-Too trusting
-Slightly obsessive compulsive.
-Condescending to ‘riff-raff’ as her parents call them.
19) what does he/she want most?
-To snare a husband
20) what is keeping him/her from getting it?
-She comes off as a bit needy. Not materially, but emotionally.


PERSON TWO
1) Richard Allison
2) 29
3) Male
4) Caucasian, of English decent
5) Lower Upper Class, mid 1960’s
6) Professors of English Literature
7) Ph. D in Literature from Yale
8) Reading
9) Classical
10) Anything by Shakespeare
11) Steak
12) Whiskey
13) Owns his own house, inherited from his parents. His inheritance (property and family connections) is the only reason why he took a job at the middle-tier University.
14) Single, but has his eyes on Miss Juliana Henry, one of his students
15) Business suits the vast majority of the time.
16) Peculiar habits and mannerisms (at least 6)
-Gives more homework than his students can reasonably manage
-Skips office hours randomly
-Gives his students and coworkers little leeway.
-Exercises everyday
-Cares about his appearance deeply, and spends much time prepping himself before leaving his house.
-Flirts shamelessly.
17) strengths (4 prioritized)
-Persistent
-Intelligent
-Handsome
-Charming
18) weaknesses (3 prioritized can overlap with strengths should be compatible)
-Obsessive
-Arrogant
-Slightly (just slightly) sadistic
19) what does he/she want most?
-To find a nice plaything to call his own, forever.
20) what is keeping him/her from getting it?
-He has a reputation to think about, and, being the 1960’s, there is still a lot of shame associated with deviant sexual lifestyles.

[Mad Lews]

Good job Razor,
They seem made for each other .
My one hesitation is the mannerisms & habits, I was looking more for stops before mirrors and smiles to check his teeth, twists her scarf into tight knots when nervous, always runs his/her hand through hair,type things. The kind of visual cues you can use to identify your culprit in print without having to constantly use their name or he said, she said.
Not a big deal we can wing that on the fly.
First I'd like a third person seduction from the Professors point of view, Use your two profiles, go a little wild, this is in the development stage, but try to stay around two to three thousand words.
Best of luck
Mad Lews

[Razor7826]

I've already start, and in about 10 hours, the weekend will be here. After a few months of spotty obligations and health, I'm back in the writing groove. This will almost certainly be through a first draft by Monday.

[Razor7826]

I've finished writing a first draft, waited, a few days, and took another editing process. I will repeat that last step sometime this weekend and hopefully get it posted on Saturday or Sunday.

[Razor7826]

Tests
By Razor7826 (Copyright 2008)

“But Professor Allison, wouldn’t that mean his life was futile?”

Richard paused for a moment to collect his words before responding. “Futile, Miss Henry? You could call it futile only if everything he did was useless, but that’s not even remotely the case. Hundreds of years later we’re still reading the man’s works, and he’s undoubtedly had an impact on millions of lives! Does it really matter that he was an insufferable lout that died miserable and alone?”

The young student snapped back. “What’s the point of living if you can’t save the ones you love?”

“’Save the ones you love?’, Miss Henry? While his love was alive, they made each other happy. You can’t ask more out of marriage except for happiness until death. But I digress—discussions of love are not my specialty.”

The bell rang and the field of students clamored to gather their books, notes, and bags.

“Hey, hey, hey! Class isn’t over until I say its over, the bell be damned. Read “The Vicar of Wakefield,” for Monday. All of it.”

The class erupted in a chorus of groans, interlaced with more than a few obscenities. Richard smiled as he turned to erase chalkboard.

His students filtered out until only one remained.

“I really liked your lecture today, Professor.”

Richard set down the eraser and grinned, his back turned to the student. He adjusted his tie and collar. Once he knew he was ready, he turned and responded, “Thank you, Miss Henry. I always appreciate the input of my best students.”

Her face flushed with embarrassment. “Oh, thank you for the kind words. I’m not that good, really. I just do all of my work.”

“You don’t need to be so modest, Juliana. You’re heads above your classmates, and don’t let anybody else tell you differently.”

Juliana remained seated and smirked, her face still red. “Thank you…” she muttered quietly.

“There’s been something I’ve been meaning to ask you these last few weeks.”

She sat up straight in her chair and showed off the clothed shape of her 34C breasts. “What is it, Professor?”

“Please, call me Richard.”

“Richard.”

“Good.” He flashed a slight smile before continuing, “Would you like to have dinner tonight to discuss your plans for after graduation?”

“Absolutely,” she replied. “I’d love to have dinner with you, prof...”

“Richard.”

“Right, Richard. I’d love to have dinner with you, Richard.”

Richard Allison walked around his podium towards the first row, where his prized student sat, dead center, and placed his hand on her shoulder. She flinch at the first touch, then relaxed. “Thank you, Juliana. This means a lot to me. I’ll have dinner ready at around eight o’clock. Oh, and bring along your term paper from first semester. There was a lot in there that I wanted to talk about, and it might help clarify some of the possibilities for next year.”

Juliana continued to smile as if dazed by her fortune, and she continued to sit there with a cheerful smile on her face as her professor packed up his notes and left the lecture hall. She had passed the first test flawlessly.

--------------------------------------------------

Richard Allison pulled the two steaks out of the broiler just as the doorbell rang. He untied the apron, placed it across a kitchen chair, and briskly walked to the front door. He peeked out the side window to see Juliana, dressed in an unusually tight red sweater and long black skirt. Though prudent by most people’s standards, he knew it was a consciously revealing choice of attire for dinner, confirming his suspicions about her intentions.

“Come in, dinner is just about ready,” he said as he opened the door and held it for her.

She stepped in gracefully, carrying her purse with both hands in front of her, holding her back straight and her head help up high. “Thank you for inviting me over for dinner, Richard.”

“You’re welcome, Miss Henry. I’m glad you took my offer.”

He showed he the way to the dining room, where dinnerware was set for two. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to get the food off the stove.”

He returned minutes later, bringing the steaks and asparagus. “I hope you like it rare.”

“I love it,” she answered.

Richard didn’t believe her, but it was an acceptable answer. The behavior exhibited by Juliana Henry throughout her four semesters in his classes had revealed sycophantic tendencies, tendencies that would undoubtedly prove useful in the coming months. He stabbed the steak and slid it onto Juliana’s plate, then poured wine into her glass and his.

“So, Juliana, what are your plans for next year?” he asked as he took his seat.

“I’m still not sure yet, though there are a few possibilities.”

“Such as?”

“Oh, ah bunch of little things. My Aunt says she needs an assistant, but that’s in the city. However, the librarian in my hometown is retiring next year, and I think my major is more suited for that.

“You can aim higher than that, you know.”

“Stop that. I’m not as smart as you think I am.”

“You’re smart, but you lack confidence.” Richard put down his fork and knife and leaned onto the table with his elbows. “In your writings, you’ve mentioned your family. I know how hard it must be to come from a family of… you know. However, that’s no excuse to not achieve everything that you can with your life.”

“My family expects certain things from me.”

“So?”

“So, they’re important to me.”

“But are they really worth sacrificing everything for?”

“There’s nothing wrong with sacrificing part of myself to please others. I owe a lot to them.”

“But there’s so much more to see in the world. How can you tell who is worthy of your devotion without living a life of your own?” He stared directly into her eyes, still not sure if she was right and ready for what he wanted.

She didn’t answer. He had found the flaw in her philosophy and attacked it right where it was weakest. Though she said nothing of discomfort or disagreement, her silence and slight change in mannerisms signaled the success of his attack. His words, though few, would continue to do their work in the weeks and months to come.

They finished their meal in relative silence, making nothing more than mundane small talk. Once finished, he took the plates and placed them in the sink, leaving them to be cleaned later.

He returned to the dining room table to see Juliana pulling a paper from her purse. “Ah, I’m glad you remembered. Mind if you go through and read it aloud? I find that often helps in analyzing one’s own work.”

“Sure. This is one of my favorite papers that I did for your classes.” She began to read it.

“No, you don’t need to read it here. Let’s go to the living room. It’s a lot more comfortable there.” He led the way and waved pointed to the couch with his hand.

She followed and sat dead center in the couch, becoming noticeably uncomfortable as her professor sat right next to her.

At first, he paid close attention as she spoke with great care and precision, but the peaceful moment was short to last. He spared little time in making his move, first sliding his hand from his leg to hers, then sliding it up until his hand was a placed on her crotch. She continued to read from her paper as if nothing was happening, but her twisted lips betrayed her feelings.

He pressed in and rubbed harder. His advance was met with clenched thighs.

At that moment, he pounced, swinging his body across hers so that he straddled her thighs and pinned her to the couch.

“Professor Allison?” she yelled.

“Don’t worry, Juliana. I’ll take care of everything.”

Her face flushed red and her lower lip began to quiver. “I…”

“You don’t need to do anything. I’ll take care of you, always.” He leaned in and kissed her lips, and, as he slid his tongue towards hers, her token resistance faded.

Her body was his, and he took complete advantage of the situation to fully explore it. His hands caressed up and down her chest, sliding his hands up her shirt and down her skirt. Her skin was perfectly smooth, as if never exposed to sun or the hands of another. He enjoyed caressing it more than any of his previous conquests.

Something about her seemed so pure. Richard had fucked plenty of young women before, but Juliana was special. So cunning, so intelligent and pretty, yet so innocent—he had to have her.

Her pulse quickened as he continued to toy with her body, sliding one hand up to play with her nipples, the other down to her panties, all while kissing her long and forcefully. She unclenched her thighs, allowing him to force his hand in further so he could caress her through her panties. Within minutes of his working her body, she was wet.

He had expected at least some resistance, or that coaxing would be necessary, but she was more pliable than he had ever imagined. Sure, she wasn’t helping out, but that isn’t what he wanted from her. Not yet at least.

He got up from his knees and eased Juliana onto her back along the length of the couch.

“Professor Allison…” said the girl quietly.

“Hush, girl,” he replied, his voice peaceful yet commanding. “Trust me.” He unzipped his fly and lowered his pants and briefs, revealing his already engorged cock.

Juliana stared at the thing in front of her, and followed it with her eyes as Richard kneeled between her legs and rolled up her skirt. She rested there, paralyzed while her professor lifted her legs into the air and pulled off her panties, and then held each of her ankles in his hands.

He had to push hard, but his cock slid in. A gasp escaped her lips, but she took it without resistance. Her fate was in his hands.

While he was attracted to her innocence and virginity, it did not assuage his usual ferocity. He tightened his grasp around her ankles and thrust into her faster and faster, pulling her body towards him in rhythm.

“Ahh, ahhh!” she screamed.

He didn’t know if the moans were of pleasure or pain, but he didn’t care. Her body was meat to him, and he used and abused it until he dumped his sperm inside.

Juliana Henry gasped for air, her eyes staring cross-eyed at the ceiling. He collapsed onto her and gave a quick kiss to her cheek before whispering in her ear.

“Everything will be alright. I’ll take care of you, always.”

--------

She rushed out of the house soon after. He knew it was to clean herself; a girl like her would never be on birth control. Not yet at least. Her faith prohibited such measures but Richard knew that wouldn’t be a barrier for long.

The corruption of Juliana Henry had already begun. She had passed each of his tests with flying colors. Born and raised a sweet, intelligent Catholic girl, her downfall would come quickly. Soon, she would be his. All his, until death do them part.

[Razor7826]

I've gotten a lot of stuff done over the past week. A new Bad End chapter and Queen of Sorrow's Falls posted to the library, two more stories fully drafted but in need of a few editing passes, and two or three more that are about 80% done. Plenty (dozens) that are much smaller %s that may never lead anywhere productive.

[Mad Lews]

Howdy Razor,
Have seen this and will give it some proper attention as time permits. Seems like you've been busy, keep up the good work.
Mad Lews

[Mad Lews]

OK Razor,

We (you) are going play with these two for a while so lets not make Juliana that easy.
How about we cut off the last 280 odd words and leave the professor a bit frustrated.(just a touch of a rewrite) Next we switch to a more feminine perspective that will end in Julia's shocked refusal and flight from the dinner date. Start with her enthusiastic hopes for the evening, her growing concerns as he makes his move and end with her utter dismay.

Use her character sketch to do this and expose more of her character as you develop the theme.

Yes you're right we'll need to add to the begining too but we'll get to that in time as the characters come more sharply into focus.

Till then

Mad Lews

[Razor7826]

I've only just read this today. So, pretend like her running out of the apartment happens right after he slips his hand to where it should be, instead of after sex. Should get to it some time over the next few days-- many other projects abound. Finished another chapter for Queen of Sorrow's Falls, finished a stand alone story (chapter?) called Animal Rights, and a Bad End I posted in the prose section. And, as usual... about 7 stories or chapters 70% done...

[Mad Lews]

Glad to see you get the idea, we're going to let some conflict build before resolution. This is just an exercise in character driven stories vs the plot driven kind that we'll tackle next. Still we want it to go through a couple crisis's before we wrap it up.
Mad

[Razor7826]

So, considering that I am playing into your total view of the lesson, where should I bring this part to an end? Should it focus only her in the aftermath of her professor's inappropriate behavior, or should I progress the relationship between them explicitly? I had my own ideas of where the story was going, and I will still probably end up course correcting towards that as these lessons progress.

[Mad Lews]

So, considering that I am playing into your total view of the lesson, where should I bring this part to an end? Should it focus only her in the aftermath of her professor's inappropriate behavior, or should I progress the relationship between them explicitly? I had my own ideas of where the story was going, and I will still probably end up course correcting towards that as these lessons progress.

Well let me be as straightforward as possible without being blunt. You built two characters, let them take the story where they want to go. let them act with and react to each other. If you'll allow for a modification of the assignment it would go something like this. find a nice starting point (with a hook to capture the readers) then let them play back and forth, they each have goals and desires and those should lead to conflict between them. each has their own method of resolving and or dealing with conflict so show how that works out in a number of minor conflicts then in the major conflict/climax that the story builds too. Hopefully that will be resolved in a satisfying manner which moves at least one character toward a needed change.

So let the protagonist tell the story, let them decide where it leads. You need to work from both points of view, but never both in the same paragraph. If you are unsure where they are headed then the sharp witted back and forth of direct dialog will usually spark the obvious direction. Try your best to let them drive the story rather than make them follow your direction.
It's suppose to be fun....
Mad

[Razor7826]

Oh, it will be fun. Just deciding where to cut off in between parts of the assignments is going to be a bit difficult. But, yes, I definitely get what you are saying: If I am to make the story about the characters, I have to let the interplay between them progress the plot at whatever pace they decide.

[Mad Lews]

Oh, it will be fun. Just deciding where to cut off in between parts of the assignments is going to be a bit difficult.

Always happy to ease your writing dilemmas Razor.
The reconstructed assignment will be a single all encompassing part.
Write me a story directed, plotted and told by these two characters which consists of a beginning, two or three minor crisis/conflict/interactions building to a (dare I say) literary climax followed by a resolution and ending.
Simple n'estce pas? (sorry I was in Paris). Try and stay between 5000 and 10000 words but don't make that a key concern. Your biggest task is to make these two real and believable in your mind so you'll know how they react.That way as you write they become real and natural to your readers.
Best of luck
Mad & Lews

[Razor7826]

This is far different from what I normally write, as you'll soon see. It probably isn't quite what you want for the assignment, either, as it is more introspective development rather than arising from the interplay between the two characters, but here goes anyways.


-----------------

Through the Woods
By Razor7826 (Copyright, 2008)

Juliana Henry swatted away the probing hands of her professor and rose from the couch. “I… I have to go,” she muttered quietly as she gathered her purse and coat, leaving behind the folded term paper that she was once so very proud of.

Her professor said nothing as he watched her leave, keeping his perverse fantasies to himself. Even when she reached the end of the driveway, Richard Alison continued to stalk her with his eyes from inside his front doorway.

She walked faster down the sidewalk, hoping to escape his lecherous glare. Her mind still swirled from the cocktail of wine and adrenaline. Never had she been forced into such a position, though she acknowledged that she had seen it coming. Though his words alone spoke nothing beyond a typical relationship between teacher and prized student, the subtleties of his actions revealed more; his open ended question, enticement for personal details, and frequently excessive compliments revealed something beyond mere respect.

She liked it; that much she was willing to admit. All her life she had been skimmed over by men in favor of her sluttier, dumber friends, classmates, and family, and it was deeply satisfying to receive the attention of a man like the famed and respected Richard Alison.

Her thoughts turned back to the entire evening. The dinner, the booze, his prodding questions—all preceding his move. That’s what it was, she was certain: an attempt to bed her outside of marriage.

A cold sweat ran down her face. She knew her parents would kill if they found out a professor was touching her, though that wasn’t the only thing they didn’t know. Her taste for booze, her contemplations of a future outside the home; she was not the traditional daughter they had hoped for.

Hell, they’d kill if they found out she was walking home alone at night. Their world was populated by dark forces and evil people, constantly on the prowl for young women to corrupt. Perhaps their views were justified in some corner of the world, or in eras distantly past, but that world, fortunately, was not hers. The college town was almost completely safe; it had been years since there the last murder, and even longer since any fatal car accidents. No, she was completely safe and free to wander the streets alone, no matter what her parents thought of the world.

A chill breeze swept through across the forested road, spurring Juliana to huddle into her grey wool coat. She hadn’t dressed for an unexpected walk home, but it wasn’t much further, especially if she took the shortcut. It would be safe, she told herself as she turned right into the forest onto the beaten trail.

Though night time, the light from the half-moon lit the sparsely populated forest and guided Juliana down the dirt trail. It was clear and straight, just as she had walked down it dozens of time before. In the distance, she could see the lit windows of her three-story all women’s dormitory. However, her stride home was interrupted when she noticed the dim glow of a camp fire to her right. It was deep into the woods, as if the patrons had intended to not be seen at all, but failed.

Juliana’s eyes turned back and forth between her dorm and the mysterious light. She wanted to go home, shower, fall asleep and put the night’s evening behind her, but something drew her towards the fire, into the darkness of the unbeaten path.

Twigs snapped underneath her feet as she made her way through the woods. The clearing was further away than she perceived. As she drew closer, she slowed down, quieting her steps to avoid detection.

Around the camp fire sat three couples, all college students, huddled in their pairs around a raging camp fire. One of the men strummed at a guitar, playing a melody that Juliana vaguely recognized from the radio. She didn’t know what it was called, but it was… nice. Pleasant. On the radio, the song seemed so far away and detached from reality, but hearing it in person was an entirely new experience.

Something burned in the air, something distinctly different from the bonfire. It looked like they were smoking, but Juliana didn’t recognize the smell. They passed the cigarette around, each taking brief huffs before passing it along. One by one, they took a deep breath, closed their eyes, held in the smoke, and exhaled as if trying to savor the flavor of the cigarette. Though she herself had never smoked, her father’s cigar habit had given her a brief glimpse as to what smokers found so appealling.

However, she still wondered why they were sharing a single cigarette, but quickly realized the extent of her naiveté; it wasn’t a cigarette. It was pot.

The devil’s drug.

However, the crowd looked so peaceful, so serene, unlike the raging lustful freaks she had been told marijuana birthed.

Fascinated, she leaned in closer and watched their behavior. Their actions belied serenity, not insanity. She had been lied to, as simple as that. Once again her parents’ warnings were out of synch with reality.

From the shadows, she continued to watch them sing and sway while fighting the urge to join them. All that kept her firmly in place was fear. Fear, not of them and what they did, but of her own ineptitude. For all her studies, she was still terrified of simple, cold introductions.

She turned and fled back through the darkness back to the dormitory. The matron gave a stern glare as she walked past the front desk. It was after eleven, and her roommate was nowhere to be found. She slipped out of her sweater, put on her pajamas, and climbed into bed to put the strenuous day behind her. But, sleep did not come easily. Her mind swirled with the evenings events.

Richard’s dismissed advances. Her walk alone in the dark. The forest, the campfire, and the potheads. None inherently safe or dangerous, but ambiguous. The world was not the land of black and white she was raised to believe in. There was no true evil, nothing to avoid at all costs.

But if that is true, why did she reject Richard? Why did she push away the only man that seemed to understand her? Something inside her burned away, but she knew not what.

She fell asleep without answers.

[Mad Lews]

This is far different from what I normally write, as you'll soon see. It probably isn't quite what you want for the assignment, either, as it is more introspective development rather than arising from the interplay between the two characters, but here goes anyways.

Not a problem Razor,
The way I see it' this is a part of the assignment.
We writers have a number of tools to make our characters come alive. Back story, description, and dialog all have their place. For some characters introspection works too. You've chosen to work this in the third person which is a much more flexible approach that first person inner dialog.

What you've produced is a consistent rationale for the girls actions, as well as the motivations behind them. Her actions arise from her history and so you slip in some back story where it's needed. Your descriptions are fairly realistic. It is always a good idea to use real life composites for physical descriptions of people, places, or things. A single vividly described point will serve as an anchor for the reader to build their own picture too much detail can bog down the reader.

You're well on your way to constructing a three dimensional person on a two dimensional monitor.
Now let us pause to consider the rather lecherous professor.He too has a history from which his actions arise. Also even the shallowest cad can often come up with a justification for their actions that they at least find rational.
please tell us more about this man. Try not to be one sided.

-----------------

Through the Woods
By Razor7826 (Copyright, 2008)

Juliana Henry swatted away the probing hands of her professor and rose from the couch. “I… I have to go,” she muttered quietly as she gathered her purse and coat, leaving behind the folded term paper that she was once so very proud of.

Her professor said nothing as he watched her leave, keeping his perverse fantasies to himself. Even when she reached the end of the driveway, Richard Alison continued to stalk her with his eyes from inside his front doorway.

She walked faster down the sidewalk, hoping to escape his lecherous glare. Her mind still swirled from the cocktail of wine and adrenaline. Never had she been forced into such a position, though she acknowledged that she had seen it coming. Though his words alone spoke nothing beyond a typical relationship between teacher and prized student, the subtleties of his actions revealed more; his open ended question, enticement for personal details, and frequently excessive compliments revealed something beyond mere respect.

She liked it; that much she was willing to admit. All her life she had been skimmed over by men in favor of her sluttier, dumber friends, classmates, and family, (throwing the family in was a bit of overkill, her family seems anything but slutty and it was deeply satisfying to receive the attention of a man like the famed and respected Richard Alison.

Her thoughts turned back to the entire evening.( I suspect thoughts would turn to a specific point in time or wander over an entire space of time) The dinner, the booze, his prodding questions—all preceding his move. That’s what it was, she was certain: an attempt to bed her outside of marriage.

A cold sweat ran down her face. She knew her parents would kill (him/her?) if they found out a professor was touching her, though that wasn’t the only thing they didn’t know. Her taste for booze, her contemplations of a future outside the (their, for emphasis of the conflict) home; she was not the traditional daughter they had hoped for.

Hell, they’d kill (a bit mellow dramatic in the repetition) if they found out she was walking home alone at night. Their world was populated by dark forces and evil people, constantly on the prowl for young women to corrupt. Perhaps their views were justified in some corner of the world, or in eras distantly past, but that world, fortunately, was not hers. The college town was almost completely safe; it had been years since there the last murder, and even longer since any fatal car accidents. No, she was completely safe and free to wander the streets alone, no matter what her parents thought of the world.

A chill breeze swept through across the forested road, spurring Juliana to huddle into her grey wool coat. She hadn’t dressed for an unexpected walk home, but it wasn’t much further, especially if she took the shortcut. It would be safe, she told herself as she turned right into the forest onto the beaten trail.

Though night time, the light from the half-moon lit the sparsely populated forest and guided Juliana down the dirt trail. It was clear and straight, just as she had walked down it dozens of time before. In the distance, she could see the lit windows of her three-story all women’s dormitory. However, her stride home was interrupted when she noticed the dim glow of a camp fire to her right. It was deep into the woods, as if the patrons had intended to not be seen at all, but failed.

Juliana’s eyes turned back and forth between her dorm and the mysterious light. She wanted to go home, shower, fall asleep and put the night’s evening ?? (twilight?) behind her, but something drew her towards the fire, into the darkness of the unbeaten path.

Twigs snapped underneath her feet as she made her way through the woods. The clearing was further away than she perceived. As she drew closer, she slowed down, quieting her steps to avoid detection.

Around the camp fire sat three couples, all college students, huddled in their pairs around a raging camp fire. One of the men strummed at a guitar, playing a melody that Juliana vaguely recognized from the radio. She didn’t know what it was called, but it was… nice. Pleasant. On the radio, the song seemed so far away and detached from reality, but hearing it in person was an entirely new experience.

Something burned in the air, something distinctly different from the bonfire. It looked like they were smoking, but Juliana didn’t recognize the smell. They passed the cigarette around, each taking brief huffs (puffs?)before passing it along. One by one, they took a deep breath, closed their eyes, held in the smoke, and exhaled as if trying to savor the flavor of the cigarette. Though she herself had never smoked, her father’s cigar habit had given her a brief glimpse as to what smokers found so appealling.

However, she still wondered why they were sharing a single cigarette, but quickly realized the extent of her naiveté; it wasn’t a cigarette. It was pot.

The devil’s drug.

However, the crowd looked so peaceful, so serene, unlike the raging lustful freaks she had been told marijuana birthed.

Fascinated, she leaned in closer and watched their behavior. Their actions belied serenity, not insanity. She had been lied to, as simple as that. Once again her parents’ warnings were out of synch (sync) with reality.

From the shadows, she continued to watch them sing and sway while fighting the urge to join them. All that kept her firmly in place was fear. Fear, not of them and what they did, but of her own ineptitude. For all her studies, she was still terrified of simple, cold introductions.

She turned and fled back through the darkness back to the dormitory. The matron gave a stern glare as she walked past the front desk. It was after eleven, and her roommate was nowhere to be found. She slipped out of her sweater, put on her pajamas, and climbed into bed to put the strenuous day behind her. But, sleep did not come easily. Her mind swirled with the evenings events.

Richard’s dismissed advances. Her walk alone in the dark. The forest, the campfire, and the potheads. None inherently safe or dangerous, but ambiguous. The world was not the land of black and white she was raised to believe in. There was no true evil, nothing to avoid at all costs.

But if that is true, why did she reject Richard? Why did she push away the only man that seemed to understand her? Something inside her burned away, but she knew not what.

She fell asleep without answers.

I really like it! You've captured the inner turmoil and bared her soul. Now have at him and let's see what makes him tick.

Mad Lews

[Razor7826]

Part Three, from His perspective. Though short, it sets up a next chapter from Her perspective rather nicely.

-------

Richard Allison scanned through the textbook with his finger in search of a specific passage. With the first lecture of the week less than an hour away, there wasn’t enough time to dig through the author’s entire collection. Hell, he could just make up the quotation as far as most of his student’s could tell. There were few, however, that would notice, and those were the ones he cared about. Especially her.

There it was. He scrawled it down onto his note pad and shoved it into his case. It would be an interesting lecture, to say the least; it would take a lot of filler to reach the end of class, but he knew he could do it.

Would she show up? He believed so; her attendance had been flawless as far back as he could remember, and her studious demeanor would likely be unfettered by a single inappropriate move.

He smiled to himself as he locked the door to his office. It wasn’t just a single inappropriate move, and she had probably realized it. Though it was his stray hands that had scared her away, their relationship had crossed beyond a professional one months prior. Their looks towards each other, the endless praise passed back and forth, and their unnatural desire and tendency to just be near each other. For each of the questions she asked in office hours, he knew that they were already answered. She was just looking for an excuse to talk to him, just as was his invitation to discuss her future.

Her future. Yet another thing to smile about as he walked through the third floor hall of the English building. He knew that she was still wracked with uncertainty, but he was not. She would be his, both in body and in soul.

The foundations were laid long ago; all that remained was the subtle game of chess between him and his prize. She probably didn’t even know there was a game being played, but it was there, and all of the pieces were in the right place. Well, mostly; he genuinely didn’t know if she would cave that evening or flee, but it didn’t matter. There was time.

He entered the lecture hall, surprised to find that Juliana Henry absent from the front row. However, a quick scan of seats revealed her hiding in a far corner, her head down at her notebook as if too scared to make eye contact but too determined in her studies to miss a lecture.

Richard admired her persistence. Though he had scared her away days prior, it was not enough to permanently buck her from his grasp.

“Good morning, class. I hope you did the assigned reading, as this quiz is going to be a tough one.” The respondent bickering among his students was music to his ears. “Get out a piece of paper and a pencil and listen.” He gave them the usual fifteen seconds to assume the position before asking his esoteric question; a comparison between his favorite author and the piece he assigned for the weekend reading.

Most of his class stared back with contempt in their eyes. He knew he had just screwed them with the question and loved every moment of their exasperated faces. The few students that cared about their grade dove right in, while the others trickled back into the work slowly, knowing that a useless answer was worth more than none. At least seven didn’t even bother writing anything at all, and twice that probably wrote nothing of merit. But, in the far corner, Miss Henry filled her paper diligently.

Her furious writing signaled the level of focus that Richard loved. Her hair bounced as she scanned her head back and forth, reading and rereading every word she wrote before continuing towards what would undoubtedly be another near-perfect answer.

Richard stared at Juliana the entire time, entranced by her diligence. The moment she finished and placed her pencil to the side, he called time. A student in the middle of the halls screamed an obscenity, but Richard only smiled. He had the students pass forward their sheets and collected them onto his desk.

“Okay, class. It wasn’t so bad, was it? Now, flip to page one-hundred-eighty-seven.” He had neglected to tell his students to bring their text, but continued as if each of the students had the source.

The rest of the lecture passed uneventfully, save for Juliana’s reticence. For the first time since enrolling in his lectures semester ago, she spoke not a word, spending the entire period scrawling in her notebook and never looking up.

More than once he was tempted to call on her, to force a contribution she did not want to give, but held himself back. No, he had pushed her enough. There would be more tests to come, but today she could rest.

After class, Juliana hurried down the stairs diverting her eyes from Richard’s. However, he followed her with his and admired her body; she looked cute when she was on the defensive, her books pulled close against her chest. She wore an unseasonably long green sweater and skirt, as if she didn’t want her perverted teacher gazing at her exposed skin, but that did not stop him from fantasizing about her young body.

He returned straight to his office. Though he often tended to delay his grading until absolutely necessary, he pulled the slips of paper from the corner of his desk. The pile was lighter than usual, but he expected as much. He cared only for a single grade, but he still went through the entire paper, giving half credit or less to all but his brightest students.

Near the end of the stack was the quiz belonging to Juliana Henry. Her precise penmanship filled half the page with a flawless answer.

He slid his red pen to the top of her exam, placed it on the paper, and made a nice, giant goose egg. It was the perfect way to force another confrontation.

[Mad Lews]

Part Three, from His perspective. Though short, it sets up a next chapter from Her perspective rather nicely.

-------

Richard Allison scanned through the textbook with his finger in search of (searching for -seems more active) a specific passage. With the first lecture of the week less than an hour away, there wasn’t enough time to dig through the author’s entire collection. Hell, he could just make up the quotation as far as most of his student’s could tell. There were few, however, that would notice, and those were the ones he cared about. Especially her.

There it was. He scrawled it down onto his note pad and shoved it into his case. It would be an interesting lecture, to say the least; it would take a lot of filler to reach the end of class, (that seems to contradict the first half of the sentence, if it is what you meant join the two clauses with a 'but' instead of a ; and drop the but over there ->) but he knew he could do it.

Would she show up? He believed so; her attendance had been flawless as far back as he could remember, and her studious demeanor would likely be (had always been) unfettered by a single inappropriate move.

He smiled to himself as he locked the door to his office. It wasn’t just a single inappropriate move, and she had probably (Drop both)realized it. Though (drop and begin sentence with It) it was his stray hands that had scared her away, their relationship had crossed beyond a professional one months prior. Their looks towards each other, the endless praise passed back and forth, and their unnatural desire and tendency to just be near each other. For each of the questions she asked in office hours, he knew that they were already answered. She was just looking for an excuse to talk to him, just as was his invitation to discuss her future.

Her future. Yet another thing to smile about as he walked through the third floor hall of the English building. He knew that she was still wracked with uncertainty, but he was not. She would be his, both in body and in soul.

The foundations were laid long ago; all that remained was the subtle game of chess between him and his prize. She probably didn’t even know there was a game being played, but it was there, and all of the pieces were in the right place. Well, mostly; he genuinely didn’t know if she would cave that evening or flee, but it didn’t matter. There was time.

He entered the lecture hall, surprised to find that Juliana Henry absent from the front row. However, a quick scan of seats revealed her hiding in a far corner, her head down at her notebook as if too scared (take a chance here, come right out and say- "too frightened" don't fudge with the 'as if') to make eye contact but too determined in her studies to miss a lecture.

Richard admired her persistence. Though he had scared her away days prior, it was not enough to permanently buck her from his grasp.

“Good morning, class. I hope you did the assigned reading, as this quiz is going to be a tough one.” The respondent bickering among his students was music to his ears. “Get out a piece of paper and a pencil and listen.” He gave them the usual fifteen seconds to assume the position before asking his esoteric question; a comparison between his favorite author and the piece he assigned for the weekend reading.

Most of his class stared back with contempt in their eyes. He knew he had just screwed them with the question and loved every moment of their exasperated faces. The few students that cared about their grade dove right in, while the others trickled back into the work slowly, knowing that a useless answer was worth more than none. At least seven didn’t even bother writing anything at all, and twice that probably wrote nothing of merit. But, in the far corner, Miss Henry filled her paper diligently.

Her furious writing signaled the level of focus that Richard loved. Her hair bounced as she scanned her head back and forth, reading and rereading every word she wrote before continuing towards what would undoubtedly be another near-perfect answer.

Richard stared at Juliana the entire time, entranced by her diligence. The moment she finished and placed her pencil to the side, he called time. A student in the middle of the halls screamed an obscenity, but Richard only smiled. He had the students pass forward their sheets and collected them onto his desk.

“Okay, class. It wasn’t so bad, was it? Now, flip to page one-hundred-eighty-seven.” He had neglected to tell his students to bring their text, but continued as if each of the students had the source.

The rest of the lecture passed uneventfully, save for Juliana’s reticence. For the first time since enrolling in his lectures semester ago... word missing?, she spoke not a word, spending the entire period scrawling in her notebook and never looking up.

More than once he was tempted to call on her, to force a contribution she did not want to give, but held himself back. No, he had pushed her enough. There would be more tests to come, but today she could rest.

After class, Juliana hurried down the stairs diverting her eyes from Richard’s. However, he followed her with his and admired her body; she looked cute when she was on the defensive, her books pulled close against her chest. She wore an unseasonably long green sweater and skirt, as if she didn’t want her perverted teacher gazing at her exposed skin, but that did not stop him from fantasizing about her young body.

He returned straight to his office. Though he often tended to delay his grading until absolutely necessary, he pulled the slips of paper from the corner of his desk. The pile was lighter than usual, but he expected as much. He cared only for a single grade, but he still went through the entire paper, giving half credit or less to all but his brightest students.

Near the end of the stack was the quiz belonging to Juliana Henry. Her precise penmanship filled half the page with a flawless answer.

He slid his red pen to the top of her exam, placed it on the paper, and made a nice, giant goose egg. It was the perfect way to force another confrontation.

OK Razor, I think you have the idea, we learn almost as much about her as we do about him,. and all by exploring his peculiar personality.

Next up is a short and sweet assignment.
I want to be a fly on the wall when they have that confrontation.
Here are your parameters.
It's short, (1000-1500 words) and completely in dialog.
You aren't allowed a single he said-she said or anything else outside a quotes mark.
I want to hear these two voices and be able to tell them apart without your help.
This is probably simpler than it sounds. It'll be fun.
so hurry back
Mad Lews

[Razor7826]

Oh, the next part sounds fantastic, especially since I suck with my "He said/she said" variations.

[Razor7826]

Part Four of this assignment:

-----

“Ah, Miss Henry! Happy to see you come to office hours again. I’ve missed your presence.”

“What is this?”

“Your quiz?”

“Yes, my quiz.”

“What about it?”

“A zero?”

“Oh, that. It was an absolutely terrible response. Honestly, it’s nowhere near the quality of the rest of your work.”

“How so?”

“You didn’t even begin to the address the subtleties of their works.”

“That isn’t what this is about, is it?”

“What do you mean. Can you really look me in the face and say that quiz was one of your better response for this class? Or any other class that you’ve had with me? No, Miss Henry, I’m being tough because that is what you need to reach your full potential.

“Don’t lie. I know this is paypack.”

“Payback?”

“You know, for what you tried to do to me Friday night.”

“And what was that?”

“You tried to bed me.”

“I did not do any such thing.”

“How… how can you say that?”

“Why don’t you describe what I did?

“No. It’s disgusting.”

“Is it?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Why?”

“It’s…”

“It’s what?”

“It’s filthy.”

“What makes you say that? It’s completely natural.”

“It’s wrong.”

“Hahaha. Wrong? Wrong according to whom?”

“My parents.”

“You really can’t keep falling back onto that answer, Juliana. You write of them as if they’ve done and seen everything that the world has to offer, but there’s nothing there. You can’t let your parents live your life for you.”

“Why are you trying to put a wedge between me and them? You were doing the same thing during dinner.”

“The wedge was already there, Juliana. I’m just making you aware of it.”

“That’s not true.”

“I’m surprised you can say that with a straight face. I can see the conflict in your words, your tone—your writings. They raised you to be the good little girl that goes of to college to meet a man and get married, but that’s not who you are and you know it. You’re smart, and as much as you try to tell yourself otherwise, you actually want to use it for something.”

“But that isn’t for you to decide.”

“I can’t decide anything for you, or for anybody else. Sure, I may push you in the right direction, but so what? Everything you do is your decision.”

“My decisions? You’re not giving me much to deal with. A zero?”

“Like I said, you got the grade you deserved.”

“I’ll go to the dean with this.”

“You wouldn’t be the first girl to get pissy over a bad grade. He’ll tell you to go home and stop bothering him.”

“We’ll see about that.”

“My offer still stands, Juliana.”

“I have to go.”

“See you on Wednesday.”

[Mad Lews]

Have seen this and will comment tomorrow,

[Razor7826]

(Looking back at the assignment, I realize it is far shorter than you had wanted. 1000-1500 words of dialog only is more than just a scene, unless the characters are needlessly verbose. If necessary, I can do a follow-up scene also in dialog, but I feel that this scene did what I wanted it to in far fewer words than you desired.

[Mad Lews]

What makes a character three-dimensional?

1) KNOW YOUR CHARACTER.

2) Description,
a) keep a list or even a notebook. It’s often best to use composites of real people you know.
b) Give details sparingly, only those that are relevant, avoid ‘description dumps’
c) Beware of brand names, they date you and your writing. Better to describe the object and or its significance.
d) Use many senses, visual, auditory, tactile, taste
e) Remember body language, surroundings that can tell us about a person
f) Avoid self description , and of course clichés

3) Dialogue
a. Word choice and grammar, In real life they are seldom precise or eloquent, but that may vary between characters.
b. Use dialect slang and professional jargon sparingly if at all. Use enough to establish an accent, social class, or expertise but then fade back into something more readable.
c. Use ‘said’ but not every time, avoid adverbial tags
d. Use dialogue to reveal relationships and create tension before and after actions.
e. DIFFERENT CHARACTERS SPEAK DIFFERENTLY

4) Backstory
a) Thoughts, reasons, and deeds arise from the characters history
b) Might be handy to keep a chronological list of when important things happened to your character.
c) motivation, how has his/her history led to present thoughts and deeds
d) don’t be overly specific lead the reader there but don’t force feed them.
e) don’t give all the backstory at once, feed it in as it becomes important and use both dialog and expositional description to do the job. Be sneaky, no one wants to read through three paragraphs of a characters ancient history unless it’s REAL interesting, so if it’s not break it up and slip in as needed.
So having absorbed all that, lets run this story through the mill once more . This time building up the tension until those shiny characters can’t take it any more. When you are done we the readers will understand the motives of the protagonists and will have chosen sides based on your descriptions. Give us a reason for cheering him (or her) on. best of luck
Mad Lews

[Razor7826]

Wait, so do you want me to just repeat the dialog chapter because it wasn't what it should have been, or do you want me to redo the entire thing (all four chapters so far) now that I have a better feel for the characters?

[Mad Lews]

Razor,
I want you to try blending the techniques into a coherent picture. You can either start from the beginning if you want, or continue the story from here.

The truth is, this is all an exercise, the story is only important to you and the characters. If at the end you want to redo it and make it into a short (or long) story that you can be proud of you have my blessing.
For now just a 2,000 word example of blending the various character building techniques into a smooth flowing form is what I'm looking for.

Best of luck
Mad Lews

[Mad Lews]

nudge nudge

[Razor7826]

*nudge back*

Sorry, there's been a lot of other story ideas that raced to the finish line before this one. I started this one, got over 500 words into it... then finished about 10 other stories or chapters since then...

[Razor7826]

I haven't forgotten, I swear. I've just been writing a lot of other stuff and managing and focusing on some other things in my life. I'm taking Ruby's advice from a thread about a possible collection of Unhappy Ending stories. Aiming for ten, 5000 word stories, with a wide range of plots and degrees of severity in their endings. I'm not quite sure how much the fetishes involved should vary from story to story-- I'm assuming that the occasional female dominant is A-OK as long as the sub is a woman, right?

I have about 10,000 words across the board so far, but no fully drafted stories yet. However, I'm not having my old problem of wrapping things up too quickly; writing a ton has helped me develop my own style and sense of pacing, which is showing in my recent works.

And, hey, if you're interested in checking on my recent progress and work, there is the final chapter of A Tape, the entire work of The Emperor's Daughter (both on the Library), as well as the first part of Class Warfare in the Erotic Prose section.