Surrendering via Total Power Exchange

[redlioness]

I am new to this lifestyle and am constantly searching for information that would make me a better sub. What I am faced with at this point is information on surrendering via TPE.
Can ANYONE help? PLEASE.

[BDSM_Tourguide]

What do you need help doing? I'm sorry, but your question is a little vague, in my view.

[redlioness]

My problem is that in the vanilla world I am a strong, capable, and independent,but that is not who i want to be. I have found this lifestyle a little more than a year ago and have enjoyed learning as much as I have so far, but because of who i am in the vanilla world, it is hard for me to make the transition in my private life. I need to understand how to surrender, submit totaly. I am viewed as difficult becasue of this.
Who I am in the vanilla world does not sit well with true dominate men. I am in a realtionship and was given the task to find this out about "surrendering via TPE" before i can continue in the relationship.
I also know that if i do not find this out in time (there is a deadline) that this will help in any future relationship.
Does this help clarify what i need to learn?

[BDSM_Tourguide]

Yes it does. In fact, it makes a lot of sense to me. You're not alone, either. And you're not the first person I've talked to on these forums that didn't know how to balance their high-powered career with their need to submit.

First off, don't feel like you're an oddity because you are the "boss" at work and you feel the need to submit in your own time. Many people ar ein the same situation as you are, and not all of them are capable of dealing with it, as many do not even know of their submissive urges.

Since this is an issue of your own mind, I will say that you probably need to get in your own head and figure out what it is you want to do and what you need to accomplish it. All the advice I can give is to let yourself go. Give up the control you normally enjoy and learn to accept control being held over you.

[Pandora's Box]

My problem is that in the vanilla world I am a strong, capable, and independent,but that is not who i want to be. I have found this lifestyle a little more than a year ago and have enjoyed learning as much as I have so far, but because of who i am in the vanilla world, it is hard for me to make the transition in my private life. I need to understand how to surrender, submit totaly. I am viewed as difficult becasue of this.
Who I am in the vanilla world does not sit well with true dominate men. I am in a realtionship and was given the task to find this out about "surrendering via TPE" before i can continue in the relationship.
I also know that if i do not find this out in time (there is a deadline) that this will help in any future relationship.
Does this help clarify what i need to learn?

Yes I can completely understand. Granted I am not interested in TPE, and most especially not of the 24/7 variety, but you are facing the same type of dilemma anyone does when they try to grasp their submissive natures.

I've dealt with the milder desires of my submissive tendencies. I have some extreme thoughts I'm not quite ready to embrace yet, but I'm giving myself the gift of time in that regards.

It was very hard for me to set aside all the teachings from society. Be strong, be independent, control your own destiny, be in charge. Be be be. The messages are always there. For me personally, it came down to a few things.

The first and hardest was a simple matter of habit. When you walk in the door from a day's work, it's hard to let go. And even when you try to, certain learned behaviors and reactions kick in. Sometimes subconciously, sometimes not - i.e. actively in disagreement.

Time, practice, patience helps in dealing with that. Also, defining exactly what it was that I could and could not expect from myself at this time and taking it one step at a time. Although I had discovered what I am and what I want, it didn't and doesn't mean that I can just do it right off the bat.

It also helped me to compartmentalize things a bit. This is me at work. This is me not at work. (Truth be told, although I'm highly effective, I've really actually come to like the "not at work me" better.) It's not like I divided my personality, just put a bit of space between certain aspects of it.

Lastly... I focused on my desires. What I really want and what makes me happy. Those are like beacons to me. And I'm finding, as I continue on, that my submissive desires don't have to be at odds with any professional life I have. Although I did change career paths. But even then... that wasn't because of d/s - it was because I got laid off. I do wonder though, now that I've mentioned it, if my discoveries of my submissive self didn't influence what I chose to go into.

I hope this helps, my apologies if I've prattled on endlessly for nothing.

Good luck!

[slavelucy]

Pandora - good post, you make a lot of sense. i especially liked what you said about learned behaviour and reactions clashing with being submissive.

redlioness - you mentioned in your PM that the TPE thing was an assignment of some sort; with this in mind, could you maybe tell us a bit more on what it is to involve? Is there some specific question or slant, or a general thing? You could could maybe give an overview of some sort and that personalize it to you...

sl

[Pandora's Box]

Awww thanks Lucy.

[myri_SN]

My problem is that in the vanilla world I am a strong, capable, and independent,but that is not who i want to be. I have found this lifestyle a little more than a year ago and have enjoyed learning as much as I have so far, but because of who i am in the vanilla world, it is hard for me to make the transition in my private life. I need to understand how to surrender, submit totaly. I am viewed as difficult becasue of this.
Who I am in the vanilla world does not sit well with true dominate men. I am in a realtionship and was given the task to find this out about "surrendering via TPE" before i can continue in the relationship.
I also know that if i do not find this out in time (there is a deadline) that this will help in any future relationship.
Does this help clarify what i need to learn?

i got two engineering degrees, a BEng and an MSc hence my job will be mostly management, got another interview tomorrow , but that doesn't mean that i am someone else when i leave master's house. sounds weird to me to split vanilla and lifestyle. you either are sub or you are not, not part-time i think.

[leo9]

i got two engineering degrees, a BEng and an MSc hence my job will be mostly management, got another interview tomorrow , but that doesn't mean that i am someone else when i leave master's house. sounds weird to me to split vanilla and lifestyle. you either are sub or you are not, not part-time i think.

If you can comfortably handle being both a strong successful person and a slave, you're lucky (or well adjusted). Many subs (particularly women) have trouble with it and need to keep the two identities in separate compartments. My own SO has been struggling with the dilemma for years and still needs to have clearly defined times when the collar goes on and comes off.

It's not (she explains) that her sub side isn't always there, but she needs to know when she is free to be everything else that she is.

[myri_SN]

If you can comfortably handle being both a strong successful person and a slave, you're lucky (or well adjusted). Many subs (particularly women) have trouble with it and need to keep the two identities in separate compartments. My own SO has been struggling with the dilemma for years and still needs to have clearly defined times when the collar goes on and comes off.

It's not (she explains) that her sub side isn't always there, but she needs to know when she is free to be everything else that she is.

well you met me at Leeds munch in january
i always wear my collar, and even if i don't, have to take it off for job-interviews as it might be too much 'jewellery' i am still the same person, don't think i need to live two lifes just so i am able to do the job i studied for

[leo9]

Who I am in the vanilla world does not sit well with true dominate men.

Other people have replied to the rest of this mail in much the same terms I would have used, but I can't resist addressing this line.

In my personal and arrogant opinion, any Dom who can't handle a submissive woman who is strong, capable and successful in vanilla life has bigger problems than a lack of suitable subs. This is the same kind of fragile ego as a vanilla man who feels insulted if his partner earns more than he does. What's "true dominate" (sic) about that?

All the women who have chosen to submit to me have been strong-willed, even aggressive in everyday life, as well as intelligent and high-achieving; one of them earned considerably more than I did. Their quality was a compliment to me as their Owner. I have no time for a man who needs a woman to be weaker than him before he can dominate her.

[redlioness]

I just wanted to thank Pandora's box and Katmandu for their responses. D/s for me is not just physical, but thre is a mental aspect I am trying to obtain. I am very new to this lifestyle and You are much more knowlegable than I and have helped me sort out some issues. I would love to talk more, if you want send me a private message. I don't want to impose.

Slavelucy,
thank you for suggesting I post a question. Have you found out that TPE is? it means Total Power exchange. Here is a site that may help.
http://www.enslavement.org.uk/

[slavelucy]

Slavelucy,
thank you for suggesting I post a question. Have you found out that TPE is? it means Total Power exchange./[/url]

*smiles* Yeah, thanks hun.

i was really wondering how the actually assignment went though...?

sl

[tehya]

Wow!!!! The responses to this thread are fabulous! If only I had read them when I first started in this lifestyle.

If I may add just one little thing... when I first started, it was like I had a dual personality thing going on, and actually it really helped me sort my feelings out. There was tehya my submissive self... and then there was my "day" person (Mommy, worker, provider, etc.).

Until one day I realized that the two had become one. Now I can easily slip from one to the other (almost always). Or perhaps I don't really slip from one to the other but rather, I can be what I need to be at any given time.

But I have to agree, I only truly became comfortable with all parts of me, when I learned of the strength it took to allow myself to be submissive. To give in to the natural way I felt, and trust someone with it. Its so much more than wearing your heart on your sleeve... in my submission I feel totally exposed and raw, and it takes great strength to allow another to see that, to experience it, and to control it.

I truly hope in time you find your balance!

Master's tehya