sad and emotional

[SimonsKat]

okay this is my first post in this group. i have been having a lot of emotional problems with Master's and my distances and situations. Master is in Italy and i am in US. i am having my most difficulty with the fact of the reality is that we may never meet and this almost cripples me at times. Sometimes i get so depressed i don't want to live a "normal" day. i have had to call my mom and have her take my children for the weekend or evening so i can either cry or pretend (i know as soon as Master reads this i will probably be punished, and rightfully so) everything was perfect for Master and do tasks he requested of me. i have sometimes put on a smile type of face so Master doesn't see my pain while we are on cam with each other.

Last night i guess my bottle was over flowing, because i cried very hard on cam and pretty much spilled my fears to him. i have always been able to talk to Master about my feelings however i have never cried to him about them or told him that i really loved him enough to leave US to move me and my children to Italy and solidly as i did last night.

how does everyone else handle the distance? are you and your Dom/Domme Master/Mistress or sub/slave going to be Real Life one day? How do you help the other deal with their emotions?

[Veralynne]

Hi there SimonsKat-

I understand your feelings. I have had several long distance vanilla relationships and they were very hard on me. I often felt like I should just pick up and go wherever they were. How long have you guys been together? Do you guys have any plans for the future? I think it is important to know each other's expectations, especially if you have been together for a long time.

Personally, I have never had a BDSM relationship 24/7 before- until recently I just met a new Master. He lives in the Canada and I live in the US- so distance is a problem. Certainly not as big of a problem as it is for you- but even still I feel the sting of not being able to get together in person. I can only hope that if things work out between us-somehow we will end up near each other- that is why I ask if you guys had any such plans between you. At least if there was a plan for you of being together in the future, it may help you handle the sadness of being apart for so long. Give you something to look forward to.

Try to keep communication frequent, and it is okay for you to express your feelings to your Master. I am sure he misses you as well. Maybe making friends in similar situations and talking about it with them would help you. Sometimes I think there can be added loneliness if your Master is the only one that knows about your kinks.

Anyway- I am not sure if this has been helpful. I guess I'd like to know more information in order to give some better advice. In any case, I sympathize with you, and hope things improve for you dear.

[SimonsKat]

@ Veralynne

we talk all day everyday and cam daily also. i think that sometimes that makes things even harder. because i am so used to our routine that i am yearning more and more as the days progress.

we have known each other since April/May and i have been collared to him since July 8th of this year. i have registered slave numbers to show him my commitment to him...but i am going crazy without him in person!

[shayna{L_D}]

how does everyone else handle the distance? are you and your Dom/Domme Master/Mistress or sub/slave going to be Real Life one day? How do you help the other deal with their emotions?

One, i am sorry you are going through this.

Two, i am single right now but i do remember a time when i was with someone whom i loved very much. He wasnt as far as your Master is but he was 44 hrs away from me by car. The distance killed me. We did plan to meet each other, but things went south. He was completely fine with the distance, he told me that he knows he wil see me one day, and that we will have a future together. So i didnt really have to deal with his emotions he had to deal with mine. Which at times can be VERY hard. The way i dealt with the distance was wrong. I pushed him away *the reason we went south*, which i dont know if that had to do with how young i am (24) or if it was me just being scared that I may not live up to his standards. I am in no way saying you should push him away, im just telling you how i dealt with my emotions. He knew that it was me pushing him away because of the distance and he was patient, very patient, but you can only push someone so far, until they fall off the cliff. I have since started to work on not pushing people way that are close to me on the internet just becuase of distance.

Moving from USA to Italy is ...*eyes wide* a lot to deal with. Thats not just a 'hey lets move from Texas to Washington!' , but if you yourself feel like its a good idea, the heck go for it. Good luck!

[Diablo]

If he punishes you for being sad over not being able to physically near him you need to invest yourself in someone else.

With that said there are no easy answers. You just need to be honest with each other and determine if this relationship gives you what you need or if yu are able to live with what it can not.

Good luck.

[AndreaDawne]

My heart goes out to you I know what you're going thru I am in a simalar situation but he isn't as far as you. Also its a bit different. Hope that things will get better. *huggles*
Good Luck!

[Arria]

Diablo is right, if you are not allowed to speak about your feelings, he is not worth your time and emotions.

Shayna made a very, very excellent point - pushing someone away because being angry is less painful than being sad - is something I myself did. It was with my r/l hubby who is also my Dom, during a time where we were long-distance for job reasons for 2 years. It very nearly killed me inside. Thank God he realized what I was doing, and reacted accordingly.
I know nowadays that I would not be willing to enter in a long-distance relationship anymore. I simply cannot handle it.

I am not the sort of person who could survive with a just-online partnership for long. If things get intense, I need real contact. Sometimes just for a god damn HUG!

I have a kid myself, and once you are responsible for a family, just moving to the other side of the planet and giving it a try is not an option anymore, or at least it is not as easy. (I think in such a situation it would be better for the non-having-kids partner to move to the one with kids, as changes and moves are easier for a person without kids!)

True, one might find the perfect partner very far away. But, in times before the internet, we also tended to look for a partner in our close proximity, and it worked.

If I were you, I would try and discuss with your Master if his needs/expectations for this relationship are the same as yours, and try to get real. Anything else will make you very unhappy, I think.

Should it turn out he does not want that, you should better look for someone who lives closer in the future, to avoid that problematic situation... it´s just my opinion.

I wish you the best of luck.

[SimonsKat]

when i said that i would be punished it wouldn't be a sever punishment, and it was about not telling him of my emotions earlier. W/we have always had open talks about our relationship....i guess it's just me that yearns more than what we have right now. Master wants something RL with me as bad as i do with him, there are just certain circumstances for both of us that is preventing it.

i just want to know how to deal with the distance...not to get rid of the distance...i don't want to be rid of Master, in any way shape or form, he wouldn't allow it, and either will i.

[~faerie~]

well i wish you the best of luck, and i hope it all turns out the way you both want. *hugs*