Should a Master be a slave?

[mastercoyote]

Hi all,

I had a discussion with my slave recently, where she said that knowing I have had experience as a sub has helped her to have confidance in me, especially as this is her first D/s experience.

It's no coincidence that I've only subbed under those who have also had sub experience. I'm just more comfortable listening to the voice of experience.

I'm interested in hearing the opinions of others who have, or who's partner has, been in both or only one or the other D/s role. Which makes you feel more or less confident in yourself and/or your partner, or is it not an issue?

I'm asking because I'm thinking about finding a mentor to help me be a better Dom, so I want to know if my opinion is preference or prejudice.

Thanks!

[Curtis]

There's currently a thread ("I want to be trained" by eraser) near the top of the Knowledge Base section that should give you a good idea of what some of us think of that idea.

In brief, my vote was for Dom/mes to be trained by subs and subs to be trained by Dom/mes. I think your idea (or being trained by a switch, which would be similar) is a very good one, for the reasons given by two or three people in the previously mentioned thread.

[Chuckdom19]

Personally, I think a Dom who subbed some time before would be better able to deal with the bad things that come up. Knowledge of "when he did this, I did that" would assist in understanding how the sub might respond, how to prevent negative reactions, and how to work towards appropriate ones.

Being able to get into their sub's head is essential in a good D/s relationship. It seems to me that those who just demand a knee-jerk reaction, rather than a constructive response are the relationships which don't last.

As with any other good interpersonal relationship, it must be worked at constantly to be effective.

[AndrewBlack]

I have little experience but have to say that being on the submissive end was very useful, empathic and enjoyable. Without doubt it has improved what I do as a Dominant and has made me curious about switching.

[slavelucy]

Hmmm....*looks deep in thought*

What a fascinating concept.

Actually, even though i don't (in accordance with my posts on the thread to which Curtis referred) think that a dominant should step out of a relationship to be 'trained' as a sub (because cold training is not a relationship...and so on and so forth!), i certainly don't think having some experience of the practicality of subbing is a bad thing.

i use the word practicality for a reason, because whereas i think that it would perhaps increase empathy and understanding via pratical experience, i don't think a dominant could ever 'think' like a sub or ever truely experience the same feelings that being dominated evokes...so it's kinda...logically limited experience.

So, yeah, i can well understand mastercoyote's sub saying it has a positive effect on her confidence in him, i don't think it's essential, but i certainly don't think it could do any harm.

sl

[Dngnkeeper]

Personally, I think a Dom who subbed some time before would be better able to deal with the bad things that come up. Knowledge of "when he did this, I did that" would assist in understanding how the sub might respond, how to prevent negative reactions, and how to work towards appropriate ones.

Being able to get into their sub's head is essential in a good D/s relationship. It seems to me that those who just demand a knee-jerk reaction, rather than a constructive response are the relationships which don't last.

As with any other good interpersonal relationship, it must be worked at constantly to be effective.

You and I are on the same page on this one. GMTA Probably the main reason is that its my experience. And it works really well for me .

For me, my days on the bottom were some of the best preparation for topping I could have. As one who attends many public and private events and teaches a class or two one of the questions that invariably comes up from those without submissive experience is "how did you read (understand) the reaction of the sub". The short answer is I've been there. While I can talk about physical signs and their meanings I haven't found a way to really teach this. This understanding is what allows me to to be able to work heavy percussive scenes and edge play. It also helps keep the scene between the ditches and out of trouble.

As you point out "Being able to get into their sub's head is essential in a good D/s relationship. " For this is the essence. My bottoming experience also comes in useful with after care, as, generally, I have some appreciation for what the sub is feeling. And it helps in relationships where the conflict between goals, limits, consequences and SSC arise. It helps to steer the the general direction of the BDSM aspects of the relationship away from problem areas and dead ends and to the more fruitful ones.

I have to agree it can add alot to the subs trust when they know that you have gone there yourself.

Snip... It's no coincidence that I've only subbed under those who have also had sub experience. I'm just more comfortable listening to the voice of experience Snip...

I'm thinking about finding a mentor to help me be a better Dom Snip...

Its not for me either. Mentors are a great idea. I hope you can persue it.

Does that mean that Doms/Dommes without the experience of submission are bad or unsafe. NO. I have met some very good, proficient, loving and safe ones in my travels. One thing these have in common is that, somewhere, somehow, they have learned some of this without heaving the experience of submission. I feel, though, that they have to work much harder to learn these things.

[mastercoyote]

Does that mean that Doms/Dommes without the experience of submission are bad or unsafe. NO.

That's an excellent, valid point, and I certainly wasn't trying to infer otherwise. I just honestly have a difficult time trying to wrap my mind around the concept of an exclusive sub OR Dom/me, just as other people have problems understanding the BDSM community in general.

That's why I started this thread: to see the issue from other members' points of view. So far, it's been extremely informative. I hope to hear more on this.

Cheers!

[Wontworry]

I agree that it would help any Dom to understand a sub's reactions much better if he had been dominated at some point. But as I see it, being a Dom is in my blood and something that I can't change (and dont want to !). You may as well say that I would understand a female pov better if I had been a female at some point. Its true but kinda irrelevant. Just my opinion.

[Dngnkeeper]

If you had asked me this question 15 years ago I would have wondered why you asked. I don't think I had heard of such a thing, at least that I can remember now. Although there must have been some.

I don't see the lack of submissive or bottoming experience as a detrament but knowledge that will have to be learned in a nontratioional fashion.

This is also a discussion that comes up from time to time as part of "Old Guard" vs "New Leather". It's part of the eveolution in the techniques and perseptions of the community caused by the internet and its entrance in mainstream life.

[mastercoyote]

I agree that it would help any Dom to understand a sub's reactions much better if he had been dominated at some point. But as I see it, being a Dom is in my blood and something that I can't change (and dont want to !). You may as well say that I would understand a female pov better if I had been a female at some point. Its true but kinda irrelevant. Just my opinion.

I hear ya. The difference for me, I guess, is the role I'm playing isn't based on my needs so much as my lover's, especially when I'm in love. Right now, my slave needs me to be a completely Dominant MALE, so that's all I want to be, too.

Which, when you think about it, might be seen as a submissive trait. Hmm... the human brain is a weird little thing, ain't it?

This is also a discussion that comes up from time to time...

Ooh! Really?...

I'd surely like to hear more of both your thoughts on this. Care to elaborate?