childhood signs of submissive tendencies

[thewhorenextdoor]

it makes me laugh/feel a little weird sometimes when i look back on my early childhood and remember obviously submissive tendencies...:

-around age 6 my childhood "bffl" and i would play houses, and i always insisted on taking the role of, say, the maid, or the dog- anything that involved inferiority or me crawling on my knees
-the same friend and i played a cinderella-themed sort of game where i was, of course, the tragically abused youngest sister... i loved to let my friend sit on me and use me as a footrest, table, etc. she thought it was so funny and loved doing it
-in our egyptian slave game, clearly i was the brutalized slave made to crawl around and get whipped
-as i got a little older, i fell in love with law & order: svu and would toss and turn in bed at night thinking about the rape episodes...
all i can think of right now...

tell me about what a freaky little kid you were hehe

[zeta_slave]

When I was younger, my friend and I would play school. Part of school was getting punished. I LOVED getting spanked and to this day I still do! I kind of never thought about it but it is funny thinking about it now!!

[mkp]

Man, I didn't even realize until a few weeks ago (despite knowing about my predilections for years) that I used to have pretty elaborately bdsm fantasies as a kid. Like, when I was twelve or so, I'd imagine being 'caught' somehow by the boys in our class along with the other girls in our class and tied up and tortured sexually with machines and everything, although I was pretty vague on the details. I also used to 'punish' myself with rubbing my crotch hard enough it hurt and stuff like that. And I'd scratch myself sometimes just to feel the sting and see the marks. And later, one of my standby fantasies was being held down and forced to enjoy sex.

...okay, maybe that's still one of my fantasies. :P

*blushes and scurries away*

*comes back*

um. so I still like scratching myself to feel the sting and see the marks. But it worries me since I've also had issues with self-injury in the past (like cutting, but without the cutting part). I mean, it feels different *to me* when I do it for enjoyment versus when I feel guilty or not real, but since the result is the same, I'm kind of concerned about it? Any thoughts?

[thewhorenextdoor]

i used to cut myself also in a super masochistic/suicidal way - it's a sign of progress to me that when i see my scars now i find them repulsive. i'm not some model for mental health but i would say you should be "concerned" if you're just putting a different name on the same old habit... plus it is, objectively, a bad habit, know what i mean?

[pinkdusk]

I used to tease and push the limits on a guy friend... until he would pin me to the ground and often put me in a an arm lock or something else. But he always overpowered me, and I remember his voice whispering in my ear demanding me to beg for release or to apologize. When I look deeper into it he wasn;t the first, but he was the best and now as an adult I wonder if ever bcame the sadist top he was meant to be lol...if only to meet him again

[Master_Nova]

Not sure how old I was then, but I remember playing the Doctor (of course I was the Doctor). I am happy to say I have been the "DOCTOR' ever since

[vanderkatze]

During one of my years in preschool, my best friend and I were playing doctor. I, of course, was the bratty patient who was about to receive a "shot" - a poke from a sharpened No. 2 pencil. Somehow one of us dropped the pencil in between the floor slats of the playhouse we were in and couldn't get it back out. I still remember how crushed I felt when it hit me that the final part of the fantasy, the part I *needed*, wouldn't be played out. It's more than a bit similar to finding out that, just like so many of the others, the current boyfriend who said in the beginning he enjoyed "less gentle, more rough, adventurous sex" really only meant a bit of hair-pulling and has neither the desire for nor interest in dominance and power exchange.

[Master_Nova]

During one of my years in preschool, my best friend and I were playing doctor. I, of course, was the bratty patient who was about to receive a "shot" - a poke from a sharpened No. 2 pencil. Somehow one of us dropped the pencil in between the floor slats of the playhouse we were in and couldn't get it back out. I still remember how crushed I felt when it hit me that the final part of the fantasy, the part I *needed*, wouldn't be played out. It's more than a bit similar to finding out that, just like so many of the others, the current boyfriend who said in the beginning he enjoyed "less gentle, more rough, adventurous sex" really only meant a bit of hair-pulling and has neither the desire for nor interest in dominance and power exchange.

Would you like to Explore now vanderkatze?

[steelish]

The earliest 'submissive' memory I have is from the age of five. I had fantasies about being captured and tied up by the boys in my class, two in particular. David and Jeff. I remember thinking they were cute, and my thoughts centered around 'belonging to them', much like a pet would belong to them although I didn't have fantasies about being a pet. I just wanted them to capture me as their victim. As I grew older, my fantasies morphed into sexual ones.

[vanderkatze]

Of the submissives on the thread, I wonder how many have had issues with self injury, and what the underlying motivation(s) for it are. So far, two plus myself makes three. I'm definitely masochistic, but the SI was more to relieve the unbearable guilt I felt about pretty much everything. Along with doing it to relieve emotional stress when I didn't have another outlet, it was my way of punishing myself. Several years after I started, I met my first top-ish individual: the D to my s and the S to my m. He helped me to mostly stop. He identified the marks and didn't buy my initial stories about roller blading accidents or kitchen fiascos or falling into barbed wire fences or my saying, "It's a funny story, really - I honest-to-god walked into a door..." He saw it for what it was, and then he took over punishing me so that I didn't have to anymore. I still think about it, and I've had some slip-ups over the years since then, but I mostly stopped. For once, others' opinions did cause me to change my behavior: I didn't want people to see me as the "crazy girl who cuts herself."

[leo9]

Of the submissives on the thread, I wonder how many have had issues with self injury, and what the underlying motivation(s) for it are. So far, two plus myself makes three. I'm definitely masochistic, but the SI was more to relieve the unbearable guilt I felt about pretty much everything. Along with doing it to relieve emotional stress when I didn't have another outlet, it was my way of punishing myself. Several years after I started, I met my first top-ish individual: the D to my s and the S to my m. He helped me to mostly stop. He identified the marks and didn't buy my initial stories about roller blading accidents or kitchen fiascos or falling into barbed wire fences or my saying, "It's a funny story, really - I honest-to-god walked into a door..." He saw it for what it was, and then he took over punishing me so that I didn't have to anymore.

One of the best arguments for D/s I've ever seen. My late wife had done some self-harm when she was younger (not cutting, but eating things she hoped were poisonous,) and had attempted suicide, and well as punishing her I was able to share fantasies about my killing her, promising her that if the time came when she definitely wanted to be killed I would make sure she died in screaming agony, which helped her let the suicidal feelings go.

[Ceight]

Wow. That's really eerie and nice to hear at the same time. Thanks for sharing.

[Leah1989]

When I was younger I would play with my best friend, who was a boy, on the playground. We would always play house and I of course was always the daughter and always got in trouble....... as I got a little older I still liked to play the submissive role. I didnt find out til recently what it was called and I'm still trying to understand it better. I'm new on here and I feel a little strange for making a profile on here..... I need someone to talk to about it so I can understand it better and hopefully find out im not just really weird lol

[bound_for_you]

Leah I'm in the same boat, but I actually found a Master on here that is helping me realize that my desires are not a scandalous thing to keep in the darkest corner of my closet.

[IAN 2411]

When I was younger I would play with my best friend, who was a boy, on the playground. We would always play house and I of course was always the daughter and always got in trouble....... as I got a little older I still liked to play the submissive role. I didnt find out til recently what it was called and I'm still trying to understand it better. I'm new on here and I feel a little strange for making a profile on here..... I need someone to talk to about it so I can understand it better and hopefully find out im not just really weird lol

Well Leah you are on the correct site and we are all rather strange, or maybe we are normal and vanilla is strange. You are already talking to someone about it, you are talking to 56.000 plus members, and we are all listening. We are all weird even the vanilla ones are weird, the only thing that stops us saying we are weird is our vanity, but then again I am weird. We are ourselves and individual, we in the community do not bend to the moral laws of the multitude.

Be well Ian 2411

[scarlet_85]

I suppose my childhood signs of being submissive involved "rough housing". I would always pick fights with all the boys. I would always instigated the initial wrestling but when the boys would fight back, I would instantly give in to them sitting on me and pinning my arms down or pulling my arms behind my back. I enjoyed the power struggle of it all and as my teen years approached, I would get more and more aroused by the thought of being restrained. I would even fight back more than normal in hopes of receiving a bruise or a cut to remind me of that moment where someone had complete control over me.

And now... I **love** rope. During a scene I feel like I have to be tied up in some way. Whether it be a simple wrist tie or something more extreme like all my limbs being bound and attached to one of the three rings on my collar. I feel that it makes me so vulnerable and submissive. For scarlet is His slave to do with as He pleases.

[His_sweet_song]

I cant say my childhood signs of submissiveness where in any way sexually orientated. The one that I recall the most is imagining I was a servant while going about cleaning the kitchen at probably about the age of 14. The cleaning was something that had to be done and it fell to me to do it.

[kb4night]

Haha, mine were all about spanking. I witnessed a friend getting spanked when I was around 3 (we got caught playing doctor, his mom was an abusive bitch) and later when I was around 12 and never was able to let it go. I would ask my friends about their experiences, and played "school" while hoping I would be the one taken over the knee, and got caught looking up spanking porn. I would also imagine a computer game revolving around me getting spanked in a bunch of different scenarios.

The whole self injury thing is really fascinating to me. Im majoring in psychology to learn more about it, but I also have self destructive tendencies. In 6th grade, I got caught rubbing scissors against the back of my hand, not enough to cut but enough to hurt, and freaked out about being caught. I still have issues with self destruction, cutting and addiction to hydrocodone among other things. Long since given up on being 'saved' but I just keep from getting too deep into it to the point where others notice.

[leanne1]

My early ist is from when I was about 4. I remember seeing a movie where this guy was tied up on a wheel that spun and he was whipped. I remember getting wet, and rubbing myself. I got caught several times masturbating by my parents (one of my nightmares now, lol). But then I would have fantasies that I was tied to my bed, and taken advantage of. It was awful though, I couldn't ever play with myself and get off when my arms we're "tied" above my head (just held there, lol).

[lexora]

I liked to get tied liked Robin in the old Adam West batman show because of his outfit and getting tied, I also liked the ideas of getting beaten to and dressing with almost nothing. Also thought about rape a few times on me... yea.. I was strange $$

[Astrid007]

This is an old post, but interesting! I would always as a young age play games that involved people being captured somehow (pirates, cops and robbers, cowboys and indians etc) I would always want to play the role of the girl that was kidnapped. I would pretend that I was tied down.

[onemoresecret]

I'm also entering the fray a little late but like you guys, I think there must have been signs that I only now realise for what they are.

Like Scarlet85 said, I remember getting into alot of playful wrestling with the boys...I loved the struggle and my defeat at the end, where I was pinned down by the bigger guys. I also remember repeatedly asking my dad to play a game of my own invention with me....It was called Jail. He would lock his fingers round my very small wrists, so that I would have to struggle and fight to break free. Never could of course but I thought this was great! Bit strange cause it was my dad, but it wasn't sexual for me at the time!

I am now beginning to feel extra weird and will stop talking.

[wantbeyourslave]

i just love this thread here. childhood...when i was about 6 or 7 i always imagined being chased by someone then held down and then hurt. well, i did
get sexually assaulted around 8 for real, and that wasn't fun at all. i started to associate sex with pain at a younger age, and kept that as a secret. it's
not like i wanted to get raped. i feared that a lot.

[gabriel niewolnikiem]

Ahh, time for a trip down memory lane.
When i was younger my favorite game between friends would be slave and queen. i used to irritate my friend my never letting her be the slave, always insisting that i wanted to be it time and time again. At neighbors houses i would be caught trying to clean their house rather than playing with their children. The fantasies i used to have, of being caged and used by a strong powerful man....

[ksst]

And there was another book I read that was actually in my 5th grade class library which was all about a roman slave boy, although it had no sex in it, it was um interesting to me.

[ksst]

I remember reading Roots as a young teenager, getting turned on and feeling extremely guilty about being turned on. Ok, I still feel guilty about that.

[ropekitty]

I was told when I was a baby, I didnt cry much, if ever. . . I was withdrawn and seemed to be in my own world. I think me being "different" started there. Growing up till about the age of 8 i have no real solid memories of events and happenings that stand out clear in my mind. But I do know that during that time and before my mother had abused my sister, and the chances were I most likely saw that abuse as a child. when I can start forming memories from "way back then" I remember I always needed to keep my mother happy, because if she was unhappy I didn't know what she might end up doing to me. It was better to just suck it up and do what it took to keep her happy, being seen and not heard being a main one.

From there I recall going online to figure out more about what my one high school friend was telling me about being a submissive. Ummm... it felt right what she was saying and made me feel like I belonged somewhere. and it just snow balled from there. I'm still debating in my own mind nature vs nurture. . . and trying to remember my early childhood more just to figure it out better.

[Dog's Lady]

I feel almost strange, now. My father died when I was four, and my mom did not believe in spanking, so I don't remember ever being spanked as a child. I know that part of my submissiveness is looking for a father figure-not a Dad, but a male with authority. I love to be spanked now; I wonder if I would if my mom had spanked me.
I've noticed a lot of, well, if we were in person I would call them nervous or guilty giggles in people's posts. Isn't this a place where we don't have to feel guilty or ashamed? One of my other interests is medieval recreation (wait, it will tie in) and at many of our events we host a Newcomer's Class. One person who teaches it very well says that we are a 12-step program for weirdos (we play dress up and meet at campgrounds to have sleep-overs, if you want to put it that way.) The thing is, we got as far as admitting we were weird, the first step, and quit there. Isn't this, this site, this orientation, sort of the same thing? We admit to ourselves and (some) others that we are "weird," then we just go with it. I don't tell everyone I am a sub, 'cause LOTS of people can't/won't/don't understand, but here I can be proud of it.
I know that was kind of long-winded, but I hope it helps.

[sweetly_wicked]

I remember that, as a child, I would lie in bed with my legs and arms slightly apart from my body, and I would pretend that I was tied by every limb and was about to be put on the rack, and I would tense my muscles, pretending to strain against my bonds as I pulled my limbs further and further away from my torso. I also imagined the 'bad-guy' watching me struggle and laughing evilly as he told me his evil plans...ah memories...
It's not exactly submissive, but I also remember playing with my dolls and barbies and polly pockets a big differently than the other girls in my class. I would have a bad guy or bad girl take my favorite doll and tie her to a chair. She would then kiss or do that weird barbie hump thing that passed for barbie sex before killing off the good guy to continue on to world domination. Mwahahaha.
Pain came into play when I was 15 or 16. I had developed a mild form of pica, where I had a craving for blood, so I would give myself little nicks then lick up the blood. To this day you can see faint scars on my upper forearm, but I've since stopped after I realized what it would look like to everybody around me should they discover the scars...
Well there we go. I'm actually glad I got all that out. Yay, I'm not too abnormal!

[SweetestHonesty]

Mmm... yes, always enjoyed wrestling as a child and play fighting too. I was always a little bit more of a challenge though, starting at 7 I began taking martial arts and excelled quickly , I was the only female in the class. I like to play just a bit harder (but please no blood) though sometimes and I think it all comes from this, people don't know how to handle me because of my small frame... lol even the Damn massage people will argue with me about wanting deep tissue, seriously people!
Lol, I also remember playing with rope when I was a little girl, we would see could tile best and then you would have to try to get out of it. I was always disappointed when I was able to get out, never had to use the rescue scissors :-(