When online progresses to real life

[jules]

My life has taken a few strange turns lately.. mostly unexpected and one of the major ones is that after 2 years of purely online, i now find myself in a real life relationship.
i was in chat last night with some very dear friends and we got to talking about how we felt that first time.. the first time we played for real, the first time our dreams would come true... or would they?

i decided to post this and i stress they are my opinions from my experiences and i am in no way saying it is what everyone feels - but that said, it would appear i am not unique or alone in what i felt. i have to say, it made me feel so much better when we all talked about our feelings and agreed on most if not all of them.

It was hard to know what to do. Dis i ask around, see what others have experienced, or should i let things take their course and take everything as it comes, having no per-conceived idea. . (Safety first of course)
i took this option. My Dom is a good man, i know that for sure. I always feel safe around him. We have a chemistry i have never felt before and he makes me feel good about myself. That has definitely never happened before either.

The first meet when we plan to actually do something other than vanilla chat - how scary. Excitement mixed with nerves and downright fear coursed through my veins. i trusted this man implicitly to know how to handle it. He knows me, he knows my fears and he has talked to me a lot in preparation, taking things slow and more importantly managing my expectations and anticipation. This is why i took the plunge, and felt i was doing the right thing. But those feelings.. Kinky stuff aside, it was scary. A new relationship about to go so much further, a new partner. Would he like the me that is revealed with intimacy - the physical and the emotional.

Then the big questions, the big fears - i have loved things online. i am brave online. i am adventurous online and oh, yes .. i am so curious when i am online.

But in real life!! i was so scared i wouldn't like it.. i wouldn't be brave, i would hide in my shell (i am very shy in real life situations like this). i don't want to let him down, i don't want to let ME down. The pressure we place on ourselves is intense and sometimes it is no wonder we crack a little.

Well, i was brave. Braver than i thought it could be. i was curious .. more curious and oh, was i adventurous, lol. More adventurous than either of us thought i would be.
The feeling at the beginning as he instructed me to kneel almost made my heart burst. i didn't even think twice. He was calm, gave me clear instruction, nothing fast, nothing too difficult - all slow steady steps ... and i never ONCE thought anything other obeying. He didn't give me time to become embarrassed or insecure, or anything other than a happy subby growing in confidence each minute.
That feeling that you are making Him, the one you care so much about, pleased, proud and happy. It is something almost overwhelming in real life. You can SEE him, see it in his eyes. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. i feel like a different girl now. All that confidence is still there. The amazement that this wonderful man has now seen the naked me - physical and emotional and STILL wants me, desires me, is proud of me. i think about it every day and realise maybe i have something worthwhile to offer. i can feel myself walking taller, liking myself - it is one incredible feeling and it nothing i ever managed to get from online.

Online was good for me, i enjoyed it, i learnt a lot about the lifestyle, about my interests, about safety and i will never knock online. The feelings are still real, they are still intense at times - but for me, there will be no going back. The trick would appear to be - find the right One and the fear and insecurities while you are getting to that place are all worth while.

Anyway, i am sure others will have their own experiences and i welcome opinions from all. This is purely my outpouring and i beg the reader's indulgence of it. ~smiles~

[Graburhair]

Impressive Jules...and to think that you started out as....

[jules]

Impressive Jules...and to think that you started out as....

lol, Sir Rawr,, i started out .. without a clue.. like most people ~smiles~

[sub_sequent]

*hugs* Jules, i am so glad that you have this!
My experience with real life is a little different but no less significant.
I met someone who I have absolute trust in. I respct him and he makes me laugh.
But he is a switch...well...more submissive than switch.
I had a choice to let go of the chance to play RL with someone who will give me amazing experiences but will never really be my Dom or Master or stay purely OL.
I took the plunge.
We play together about once every 6 weeks or so. Between both of our schedules, time is at a premium.

So, I learned to switch. We switch with each other. I love when he plays rough. Or when he canes me and I want to cry but he says something that makes me laugh or giggle and then He pushes my head into the matress.
But I learned that I also enjoy it when the welts appear on his bum from my caning or when he groans because of the bite of the flogger.

We have very strong limits in place and I never doubt that it is part of why it works for us.

He also doesn't 'do' the mindgames that would be expected of a D/s relationship and I dont expect it from him.

He is a good Top and bottom for me
As I try to be for him.

I wont leave OL completely. I need the power exchange. But the pysical part of it is well in hand.

Perhaps not ideal for many people, but it works very well for us.

[jules]

Hi vicki

i think you hit on one of the most important things... it works well for you!. i think that is what we all hope for and what works for one, and feels right for one, isn't necessarily right for someone else. Is why there is no right or wrong and in my opinion why we should all be non judgmental and happy for each other when we do find a way to a make things work.

i too still have sort of online as well, as Sir is 3 hours away, but now it is more a means of communication and continued "getting to know each other". But it is working for us, so far anyway and we have already agreed if something isn't working for one of us, we talk about it, see how we can improve.

i'm so happy that you have found something that works for you vicki.. you deserve it ~hugs~

[spring]

i'm so incredibly happy for you!! It's a great feeling, isn't it?

And it's nice to know we're not alone in our experiences and feelings.